


You Drew Stars Around My Scars

by Mistress_of_Mischief



Series: Wherever You Go, I'll Follow [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Fingering, Angst with a Happy Ending, Author Makes Spells and Regrets Nothing, Coming In Pants, Eventual Smut, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff and Smut, Frottage, M/M, Masturbation, Oral Sex, Plot, Raising Harry Potter, Resolved Sexual Tension, Self-lovin', Shmoop, Smut, Unresolved Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-15
Updated: 2021-03-15
Packaged: 2021-03-16 10:34:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 58,621
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29452398
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mistress_of_Mischief/pseuds/Mistress_of_Mischief
Summary: Wherein James and Lily Potter still die in 1981, but Sirius gains custody of little Harry. Peter is proven guilty, has evaded capture, and is out for revenge against the man he failed to frame.Remus steps in to help raise and protect the orphaned toddler, but a long-held secret lies behind his friendly generosity; he's in love with Sirius, and wants nothing more than for his new-found family to become permanent.Sirius loves Remus, too, but how does one go about asking their best mate to step off the deep end of fatherhood with them?By offering true love, of course.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Series: Wherever You Go, I'll Follow [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2183127
Comments: 47
Kudos: 99





	1. 16 November 1981

**Author's Note:**

> AU: Raising Harry Fix-It
> 
> (Walburga, Regulus, and Orion Black all died in 1979 for plot purposes. It's an AU so whatever.)
> 
> I'm also painfully American, but I will try my best to use British spelling and phrasing. Let me know if something seems wonky to you. Thanks!

_" **Sirius Orion Black, you are hereby pardoned by these esteemed members of the Wizengamot. Through the use of Veritaserum and Prior Incantato, you have been proven not guilty of the charges of double homicide placed against you by the people of Great Wizarding Britain. As stated in the last will and testament of James Fleamont Potter and Lily Evans Potter, you will hereby gain custody of Harry James Potter, aged 15 months, and are given guardian status as his legal godfather. Court Adjourned!"** _

**************************

Sirius left the courtroom in a daze, clutching a thick sheaf of papers in his shaking hands. He stumbled towards an empty armchair and fell heavily in it, trying to process the events of the last fortnight. James and Lily were dead. Peter had betrayed them all and was still missing. Voldemort had been deemed dead, though nobody had been recovered at Godric's Hollow. 

Harry was now his sole responsibility. He wished with every fiber of his being that Remus was here, but the elusive werewolf had yet to respond to Dumbledore's numerous messages. After realizing the depth of Peter's betrayal, the old man had finally broken the ranks and told Sirius that Remus was on assignment with a werewolf pack, though no location was given. Sirius was more than a little miffed that he couldn't speak with Remus himself and prayed to any god that would listen to send his friend quickly home. 

An undetermined amount of time later he heard, "Mr. Black?" 

He raised his head and made eye contact with a mousy looking woman in large oval spectacles, who was nervously shifting her feet while wringing her hands in front of her. 

He cleared his throat and quietly croaked, "Yes?"

"I'm sorry to bother you, but your presence is needed at the Admission and Discharge office on the second floor. We need to start processing your paperwork straight away." She pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose with a shaking finger and then dropped her arms awkwardly to her sides.

He pushed a hand through his hair and cleared his throat once more before standing. He towered over the poor woman, and some part deep in the recesses of his mind was wondering why she seemed so nervous. He was a young, handsome bloke, and couldn't recall a time before puberty that a female had acted this way around him.

_Perhaps it could be that you look as if you've turned into a skeleton, old boy._

Two weeks in a holding cell deep in the Ministry of Magic with inadequate feeding and showering schedules would be more than enough to keep a person looking less than their best. His current situation and the stress placed upon his psyche didn't help, either.

He nodded once and proceeded to follow her to the lifts, and before he was fully aware, he was standing in front of a nondescript older gentleman holding a large stamp above a folder of papers behind a messy desk. The woman was behind the desk as well, clearly waiting for the other man to finish his task.

"As you have been cleared of all charges placed against you, I am giving you back custody of your wand, a set of clothing that includes one pair of black denim trousers, one red shirt, one leather jacket, and a pair of leather boots. If something is missing, please send a notice to our claims department within the next 7 business days." 

The man pressed his stamp first onto an ink pad and then onto a paper that rested in the folder, and handed it all to the woman beside him. Sirius could only assume that it was his discharge paperwork, and reached out to grab the bundle of his things the man placed on the desk. He was so glad to have his wand once more in his possession and hoped to never again be parted from it. His wand went into a holster under his dress robes and then he once again followed the woman out of the room and down a door-lined hallway. They passed multiple doors before at last stopping before one labeled 'Child Welfare'.

The woman cleared her throat and then looked up at him. He couldn't do much more than meet her gaze, and she straightened her shoulders before taking a deep breath and opening the door. She led him towards another desk and a young woman looked up at them before smiling widely.

"Meagan, you're here! We were wondering where you had gotten off to. You were expected almost twenty minutes ago with Mr. Black." 

"I'm sorry for the delay, Amanda. I came as fast as I could." Meagan, the woman he had been blindly following, shook her head, shrugged, and walked behind the desk and to another room. 

He tried to muster up an apology, but couldn't do more than walk forward and raise a slightly trembling hand.

"The fault is mine, I think. It's been a bit of an eventful morning for me."

"Of course it has, Mr. Black. I didn't mean to come off as upset. Sorry! Let's get you started on the guardianship paperwork for young Harry, alright?" Amanda seemed cheerful, and her blonde hair swayed side to side in its sleek ponytail. He would have tried to flirt or something before the war but didn't feel up to expending any extra energy at the moment. _Or any moment, really. You've lost your touch, Padfoot!_

She reached to a tall stack of folders to her left and pulled a teal one from the middle. It was placed in front of her, and he took two steps forward to be able to read it clearly. Harry's sweet face looked up at them from a small black and white photograph, and where the boy usually had a gap-toothed smile upon his face, the photo looked nothing of the sort. Harry was staring dead ahead with tears in his eyes, and his mouth was in an obvious moue of sadness. His godson's distress broke through the fog his mind had been in for the last two weeks and he could feel his heart lurch in his chest. He wanted nothing more than to grab the boy and hold him in his arms, but Amanda was speaking and he had missed the first half of her explanation.

"-been with his aunt and uncle since he was dropped off. After we are done here, we'll arrange for you to pick him up in Little Whinging."

"I'm sorry to interrupt, but did you say that Harry was with his aunt and uncle? In Little Whinging?" 

"Um, yes? Petunia and Vernon Dursley. They live at 4 Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey. I assumed that you knew all of this already, Mr. Black." Amanda cocked her head to one side and widened her eyes innocently at him.

"No, I wasn't aware that he was taken there. Sorry, I thought that he was with Albus Dumbledore."

"Nope! Our files say that Harry was taken to Little Whinging on 2 November. He's there with Petunia, Vernon, and their son, Dudley. As I was saying, when would you be available to meet with the Dursleys to take custody of Harry? They have sent numerous requests for his relocation to our office in the Muggle sector."

Sirius was having trouble processing all of the new information. Hagrid said that he was taking Harry to Dumbledore, and he had blindly assumed that that would be where Harry was. From what little Lily has spoken of her sister, Petunia was not what one would call the ‘nurturing type’. He could only imagine how Harry had been treated the last two weeks. 

"I can take him as soon as possible. How do we move forward?" The urge to get to Harry, to hold him, was so strong that his arms _ached_.

Amanda flipped through the file and pulled out a few sheets of paper. She slid them across the desk, along with a quill. She pointed at each line as she spoke.

"First, we need to have you fill this out. We need all of your basic information. Name, address, date of birth, etc. Since you were given guardianship through the Potter's will, we won't need to ask for permission from his birth parents. I also need you to list your place of work, annual income, and marital status. After those are filled out, we can get approval from the judge and Harry can come home with you."

It was a lot to deal with all at once, and he filled out the papers without much thought. He now had access to both the Black and Potter vaults, though he would never touch a knut of James' -dammit all to hell!- _Harry's_ money. He had more than enough of his own, and he got a sick satisfaction from the knowledge that Black money would now pay for the raising of a _half-blood_ , and a Potter at that. He scribbled his signature at the end of the document before handing it back to Amanda.

"Thank you, Mr. Black!" She waved her wand over the papers, which were then sealed in an envelope and vanished. "They have been approved by the Director, and now all that is left is to organize Harry's pick up. I need to get ahold of our Muggle office, so please take a seat." 

He turned around and stared at the chairs in the back of the room. There were six of them against the wall, and they had the most horrid print that he had ever seen; They were vertically striped with orange, lime green, and fuchsia, and had an old, broken-in look about them.

They looked to at least be clean, and when he sat, were surprisingly comfortable. He placed his clothes and boots on the seat of the chair to his right and leaned his head back against the wall. 

Sirius was glad that everything seemed to be going so smoothly, and while he was happy to once again see Harry, the events that corresponded with his new role as pseudo-father left him heartbroken. James and Lily had been _so happy_ when they had found out about the pregnancy, and even though the war impinged on their happiness and so much of the future was unclear, this was the last thing anyone had expected. 

Before they had gone into hiding, everyone had gotten together for their weekly dinner at Prongs' home. He couldn't remember what they had eaten, but he could still see their tired smiles and hear their laughter in his memory. Peter had canceled at the last minute, claiming that his mother had suddenly taken ill. It hadn't seemed suspicious then, but with the taint of his betrayal, seemed to be one more excuse in a long list of them. Remus had been there, though, which was a rare treat. He had been sent on multiple missions during the last year, and while he tried to see them when he was in town, he hadn't made a single dinner in 6 months. He held Harry in his lap for most of the night and ate one-handed while regaling them all with tales of the countries he had recently been to. Sirius had missed him like a lost limb and refused to look further than the fact that they had been friends for almost a decade for the reason behind his reaction.

Now, he could see how Peter had been able to trick all of them so easily. He had sowed the seeds of dissent among them, using Remus' mysterious disappearances as the catalyst for Sirius’ suspicions of a traitor in their midst.. He wondered absently if Peter had laid a similar trap with Remus regarding Sirius' own clandestine missions from Dumbledore and The Order. They had all been so fucking _blind_ and he wished with every fibre of his being that he had noticed sooner. Maybe he could have suggested that someone else become the Secret Keeper, instead of his cursed choice of Peter Pettigrew.

His melancholy thoughts were thankfully interrupted by Amanda calling his name. He stood too quickly, nausea and dizziness taking him by surprise. He couldn't remember when he had last eaten or had a drink, but he pushed his bodily needs aside, grabbed his meager belongings, and strode forward. He gingerly leaned against the desk and met her eyes before she began to speak.

"It seems that Mrs. Dursley is ready to have you come and get Harry right now, Mr. Black. Anthony, the liaison in our other office, told me that she sounded quite keen for you to arrive as soon as possible. I'll come with you to help smooth the transition. I just need to make a Portkey for our journey there and then grab another to make for our return here. We’d like to make sure that he seems comfortable with you and then you can both be on your way!”

"Yes, of course. Is there somewhere that I could change out of my robes? I'd rather not show up in a Muggle area dressed like this." He gestured to himself and gave Amanda a small, self-conscious smile. He wore ill-fitting dress robes that had seen better days, and loafers a half size too small. He had worn them for his trial and was more than ready to change.

She gestured to the hallway and let him know about the public restrooms, and he gladly followed her directions to the lavatory. He went in and used the facilities before changing his clothes, straightening his shirt over his abdomen. His ribs were definitely more visible than they had been on Halloween and his trousers fit much looser around his waist. He exited the stall and went to the sink, washing his hands and patting his face with lukewarm water. He made eye contact in the scratched up mirror and immediately winced.

“Well, you’ve looked better, mate. Let’s remember to grab a bite to eat with the sprog after, yeah?” 

He grabbed his wand and held it delicately in his hand, feeling the strums of his magic. While he was adept enough at wandless spells, he was a far stronger caster with his trusty wand. Sirius waved his wand over his mouth in a quick teeth-cleaning charm and then cast a spell he had found in some girl’s notes from 3rd year that eliminated unpleasant body odor. He smelled a bit like old flowers, but beggars couldn’t be choosers in this type of situation. His hair was a lost cause, and all that he could do to temper the unkempt waves was run his fingers through the black strands.

He shrunk his dress robes and his loafers, put them in his trouser pocket, and then went back into the Welfare office. Amanda had two innocuous items on the counter; a child’s purple hair clip and a cracked yellow teacup. She stepped to the front and gestured at the items. 

“These are our Portkeys. I’ll activate the second one after we have little Harry with us. Are you ready?”

“As ready as I can be, I suppose. Shall we?” He extended his arm and offered his elbow, mustering a small amount of his old charm with a fragmented, tired smile.

Amanda took the teacup and placed it in her purse, and then softly laid her hand in the crook of his elbow. It felt odd to be touched by another person after 2 weeks in solitude, but he shook off his misgivings and they both reached a finger towards the hair clip.

The familiar jolt of Portkey travel tugged under his navel, and nausea churned in his belly. Amanda gripped his arm tighter and only wobbled a little when they landed in an alley behind a small sweets shop. She stepped back and straightened her skirt, giving him time to adjust to the travel and gain his bearings. He took a deep breath through his nose and then nodded at his companion.

“We’re only about a 10-minute walk from Privet Drive, so let’s go.” Amanda told him, gifting him with a wide, gap-toothed grin. He smiled back and for once it felt genuine. He couldn’t wait to finally see Harry.

“That sounds great. It’ll be nice to get some fresh air.” 

They stepped on to the pavement and began their trek. The weather was cooperative for the season, and a soft wind rustled the leaves beneath their feet. The sunlight was weak but present, and he was glad to feel the tepid warmth on his skin.

The 10 minutes passed quickly, and then they stood before an unassuming brownstone two-storey house. They walked to the front door and Amanda gave the dark wood a solid ‘rap’ of her fist.

The door swung open and a woman stood in front of them. She was taller than Sirius had expected, and while she lacked the vibrant red hair and green eyes of her sister, he could see the familial resemblance in the shape of her eyes and her small upturned nose. Her eyes were cold icy blue, and she subtly sneered at the both of them. 

“Yes? Who are you?” Petunia asked, gripping her door tight enough that her knuckles blanched white.

Amanda took a small step forward and extended her hand. Petunia glared at the pair of them and refused the civil gesture. Amanda dropped her hand and instead clutched her purse before giving the other woman an apologetic smile. 

“Sorry to bother you, Mrs. Dursley, but I believe that Anthony Smith rang earlier and let you know that Mr. Black and myself were on the way. We’re here for Harry.”

“Thank the heavens! He has done nothing but cry the entire time he’s been here. My poor Dudley hasn’t had a proper night’s sleep in weeks!” 

“I’m sorry to hear that, Mrs. Dursley. Might we come in and get his things?”

“No! He can go as he is. He didn’t come with much anyway. He only has that filthy blanket anyways. Stay here and I’ll grab him.” She then slammed the door in their startled faces.

Amanda audibly swallowed and turned her head to meet his eyes. His hands were clenched into tight fists in his jacket pockets, and he knew that his grey eyes were stormy with anger. Amanda cleared her throat and reached her hand out as if to touch his arm, but thought better of it and withdrew. He spoke before she could offer empty platitudes.

“He’s just a baby, and she speaks about him as if he is something horrible! His parents were murdered and all she can say is basically ‘good riddance’.”

“I’m dreadfully sorry, Mr. Black. I haven’t been in correspondence with them, and had no idea that she would be like this.”

He drew in a shaky breath to respond but was interrupted by the door being yanked open. Petunia stood straight-backed with a tiny, chubby wrist wrapped in her fingers. Harry was pulled in front of her and then unceremoniously shoved out on the front step and into their knees. He had a once-white blanket clenched in his fist, but it was now a dinghy grey with filth and grime. He recognized it as the one he had wrapped the boy in the last time he had seen him.

“Here he is. I won’t allow him in my home if you try to come crawling back!” 

Petunia then slammed the door in their faces for the second time. It was deathly quiet for less than a minute, and then Harry began to cry in earnest. Tears rolled down his chubby cheeks and he fell to his padded bottom before either of them could reach down and grab him. 

Sirius crouched down and gathered the boy in his arms, pulling him snugly to his chest. He began to rock back and forth and made soft cooing noises, and forgot about Amanda’s presence until she reached out and rested her palm on Harry’s back. The little boy’s tears trailed off and he gave a low whimper before falling silent. Sirius could feel him gasp and shudder and held him tighter.

“There, there, sweet boy. I’m here, darling, and we can go home now, okay?” He murmured into Harry’s unruly hair, pressing little kisses as he spoke.

“Home? Mama? Papa?” Harry asked, tilting his face up. Sirius felt his heart shatter at the hope and confusion in his eyes.

“I’m sorry, baby. You’re gonna come with me, okay?” his voice was husky with unshed tears.

Harry sniffled and then laid his head against Sirius’ shoulder, and pulled his blanket to his mouth. He stuck his thumb straight in, a habit that had been broken months ago. 

“Wit’ Pads?” he mumbled.

“Yeah, Harry, with Pads.” He cleared his throat for what felt like the dozenth time that day and met Amanda’s concerned gaze. “We’re ready to leave if you are.”

“Right! Of course!” 

She led them back to the sweets shop and around the back to the darkened alley. It had maybe been 45 minutes since they had been there last. She pulled the cracked teacup from her purse along with her wand and laid it on a wooden box. 

“ _Portus_. There, all ready. Shall we?” 

Sirius offered his elbow once more, tucking Harry against his chest with one arm. Amanda reached out, and together they touched the teacup with one finger. They landed in her office, Harry crying once more with the shock of the sudden journey. 

“You’re alright. Sorry, Harry. The first one is always a little rough. Come on, love, can you give Uncle Padfoot a smile?”

“No!” Harry wailed but slowly stopped crying anyway before calming down and wrapping an arm around Sirius’ neck. He hugged the boy back just as tight and rocked side to side again to soothe him.

Amanda went behind her desk and brought the teal folder back to him, along with a thick book. _Loss in Young Children: Your Guide to Healing_ was written on the front, and he could see other pamphlets and the like tucked into the folder. 

“There are some helpful guides in here, Mr. Black, along with Harry’s medical records, birth certificate, and a few other documents. We found what we could in our records, and if you need anything else for him in the future, please let us know. I am so sorry about everything, but Harry looks to be in good hands. We will assign a caseworker to you both that will check in monthly to see how you are settling in. I’ll send an owl with their information as soon as I can.”

“Thank you, Amanda. Are we okay to go? I’d like to get him to bed.” Harry had fallen asleep, his cheeks a delicate pink from tears and the friction of rubbing his face on Sirius’ shirt. 

“Yes, you can go. We’ll be in touch, Mr. Black. Safe travels.”

Sirius gave her a small wave of his hand before turning to the hall and leaving the room. He walked to the lifts and went straight to the atrium and the many fireplaces connected to the Floo network. 

He covered Harry’s head with a corner of his blanket and grabbed a handful of Floo powder. He cast a wandless _muffliato_ and tossed the powder to the ground. He then spoke the name of the only safe place available to him and his new charge. Sirius hadn’t been there in years, but he needed the protection it offered. 

“12 Grimmauld Place.”


	2. 18 November 1981

**_Undisclosed location in Romania. Early morning._ **

Remus tiredly pushed his way into the warded shack and leaned heavily against the door after closing it. He closed his eyes, reveling in the silence. He had been surrounded by filthy half-starved _weres_ for 6 weeks and wanted nothing more than a hot shower and a nap. He was more exhausted than usual; this particular pack had roamed the nearby woods for weeks, eating only what they hunted, bathing sporadically in streams, if at all. He was ready to go home, though the dilapidated flat was the last place he wanted to be.

Remus rubbed his eyes and went to the ramshackle desk with his stationary, but stopped when he noticed the obscene amount of unopened letters. They were all from Dumbledore, as noted by his distinct and loopy handwriting. One stood out from the others, Sirius’ ridiculously fancy script instantly recognizable. He had never been able to get rid of the habit ingrained in his childhood, even through his rebelliousness and refusal of all the pomp and circumstance placed upon him in the pure-blood society.

He reached a shaking hand out for the missive, a sudden feeling of dread trickling down his spine. He took his wand from the top drawer of the desk and used it to slice one side open. He pulled one sheet of crinkled parchment from inside and felt his stomach drop to the floor.

_Moony,_

_Come home. **Please**._

_Padfoot_

He immediately grabbed a handful of letters and tore them open with his ragged nails, the dread sinking heavily in his gut.

_Remus,_

_I know that you are otherwise occupied, but please contact me as soon as you see this._

_Albus_

_Remus,_

_Contact me immediately._

_Albus_

_Remus,_

_I’ve sent a Portkey with this letter so that you might come to Scotland as soon as possible._

_It will send you to the Hog’s Head in Hogsmead. Ask for Aberforth, and he will give you more information._

_Albus_

The last letter had a Weird Sisters ticket stub, dated two months prior, wrapped in thin tissue paper. The Portkey, most likely. Missives from Dumbledore weren’t uncommon, but a note from Sirius- _who wasn’t supposed to know his location_ \- was not. Remus’ thoughts went straight to his friends, horrible imaginings taking root. What had happened? Was someone injured? Was someone _dead_? He looked around the small room, and could not see anything he needed other than the wand clenched in his fist. 

He drew in a shaky breath and touched the ticket stub with a numb finger. The sensation of Portkey travel made him retch, and when he landed it was all he could do to not vomit on his shoes. He wiped his mouth with his sleeve and looked up. An older man with a white beard leaned against the bar to his right, cleaning a drink pitcher with a rag.

“You must be Remus Lupin then?”

“Yessir. I… I’m supposed to speak with Aberforth?”

“That’d be me. Call me Abe. Have a seat, lad, before you fall on yer arse.”

Remus grabbed the closest stool available and sat, stomach still churning and a headache forming behind his eyes. The man, Aberforth, raised his wand, and a silvery goat burst from the end.

“Albus, he’s here. Come quickly.” Abe then sent the _Patronus_ away and brought Remus a small glass of water. The cup was foggy but clean, and Remus took a grateful sip.

“What happened? Who are you? Why did Dumbledore send me here?”

Abe shook his head and sat down across from him. He had his own glass filled with amber liquid.

“I can’t honestly answer you, lad. Albus will be here soon, and he can tell you what you need to know. Drink up, now, and catch your breath. I’m not the best at _renervate_ , so don’t go and faint on me.”

Remus listened to the older man and slowly finished his water, nerves calming from a frantic high to a more manageable low simmer. They sat in silence, and before Abe had finished his drink, the door burst open, an icy cold wind preceding Albus Dumbledore. He looked the same, though his eyes held a dull sheen instead of his customary twinkle. He stalked to their table and stood next to Remus, placing a heavy hand on his shoulder.

“Remus, my boy. I'm glad that you're finally here. I have some dreadful news.”

“Dumbledore, sir. What happened? Why-“ he started but was interrupted.

“James and Lily are dead.”

“Albus! You couldn’t have said that differently? Merlin’s balls! That was a shite way to tell him-”

Remus couldn’t breathe. He knew that the other men were speaking, but their words had no meaning. Nothing could have prepared him for this. James and Lily were **dead**? But how? They were in hiding! No one but a select few knew where they were. Oh, god. They were dead. **_DEAD_**.

“Remus. REMUS!” Dumbledore shook him, the force of which snapped him out of his spiraling thoughts. He raised dull eyes to his former headmaster. “I wish I had better news for you, my boy. I’ve never been one to beat around the bush, but I should have led in with something less volatile. I’m sorry for your loss, Remus.”

“But how…?” he croaked.

“Godric’s Hollow was attacked on Halloween. It was Voldemort. There was a Fidelius Charm in place, but the Secret Keeper was a spy.”

The only person that James would choose as a Secret Keeper was Sirius, but there was no way in hell he would have betrayed his oldest friend. Before he could ask, Dumbledore continued speaking.

“We had of course chosen Sirius as the Secret Keeper, but he later suggested Peter, as everyone knew that James and Sirius were very close. I was not made aware of the switch until after the fact and sent Hagrid in my stead to the Potter’s home as soon as I felt a disturbance in the charm. He arrived minutes after they had been killed, Remus. There was nothing to be done. “

Oh, Christ. What about-“Harry? Is he…?”

“He’s alright. He has a scar, the poor boy, but he is otherwise unharmed. Sirius came but realized it was Peter who had led Voldemort to them, and immediately went after him. There was an altercation the next day between them, wherein 12 Muggles were killed. Sirius was taken by the Aurors-“

“HE DIDN’T DO IT! Albus, he’s innocent, Sirius would never-“

“I know, Remus, it’s alright. Sirius had a trial and was able to prove that it was Peter who betrayed James and Lily, and who also murdered those poor Muggles. Sirius has been acquitted of all crimes, and has Harry with him.”

“Where is Peter? I can’t believe it was him…”

It was hard to believe that Peter had betrayed them all in such horrendous fashion, and he had so many questions. How could Wormtail have done such a thing? Why? Weren’t they all as close as brothers, Marauders until the end?

“He has evaded capture, I’m afraid. He transformed into a rat and hid in the sewer tunnels. Sirius used a Pensieve and was able to alert the authorities about Peter’s unregistered Animagus status.”

Of course, Dumbledore knew about the others’ ability to become animagi, but that secret was the least of his concerns.

“Where are Sirius and Harry? Can I see them?”

“Of course, Remus. Here, this is their new address. Sirius was in a safe house before, but after Voldemort vanished, he decided it would be best to live elsewhere.”

Dumbledore handed Remus a torn piece of parchment that was folded in half. Remus was about the open it but looked up quickly when something Albus had said caught his attention.

“Voldemort _vanished_? What does that mean, sir?”

Abe cut in, his eyebrows furrowed and fingers steepled under his chin. “We haven’t recovered a body, but ever since that night, his whereabouts are unknown. Rumor has it that he’s dead, and the lack of Death Eater activity would point in that direction.”

“We think that something as mundane as death wouldn’t affect Voldemort, but haven’t any proof.“ Albus cut in, once again placing a hand on Remus’ shoulder. He squeezed once and then let go, folding his hands on the table. “You should go home and rest, Remus. You’ve received shocking news, and need time to absorb it all. You can use the Floo in the back room. Aberforth, please show him the way.”

Remus stood and followed Aberforth into a room, which had a heavy wooden desk, bulging bookcases, and two thickly padded armchairs set by a roaring fire. He was too numb to feel the comforting heat of the flames and startled when Aberforth spoke.

“I really am sorry, Remus. I know that we just met, but this kind of news is still hard to deliver. From what Albus told me, the Potters were some of his favorite students.” He held out his bowl of Floo powder, which Remus took a handful of.

“Thank you.” He whispered, and then threw the powder down. He gave his address, and the last thing he saw before disappearing was Aberforth’s forlorn face.

********************************************

After arriving in his freezing flat, Remus took a lukewarm shower, changed his clothes into a threadbare set of briefs, dark wool trousers, a yellow t-shirt with a tan oversized cardigan, old trainers, and a thick goose-down coat Sirius had given him at graduation. He brushed his teeth with an actual toothbrush for the first time in 6 weeks and then assembled a small tote bag with extra clothes, a few books, and a fountain pen he had received from Lily last Christmas. Knowing that it had been the last gift from her broke his heart.

They had become fast friends during sixth year, even though she had yet to give in to James’ charms. They had Arithmancy together and began studying in the library in secret, which later made James jealous when he found out. He regretted not staying in contact with his oldest friends this last year, but Dumbledore had given him a purpose outside of his mundane life. After graduation, his status as a werewolf had kept him from getting a high-paying job, excellent NEWT scores notwithstanding. When Dumbledore had come to him in January with a mission, it had seemed like a dream come true.

He was asked to go undercover with werewolf packs across Europe, a task only he could do as the only werewolf in The Order. He was to watch and integrate himself for at least 2 full moons, and try to persuade the packs to side with The Order of The Phoenix instead of Voldemort. He was not always successful, but when Dumbledore offered him the new wolfsbane potion as an incentive, who was he to deny him? The wolfsbane gave him control over the wolf and tempered its animalistic tendencies. He could still feel the wolf creeping in his subconscious, but his human side was finally at the forefront of his mind. The transformation still hurt, and always would, but the knowledge that he wouldn’t accidentally murder anyone during the night gave him comfort.

Remus took the parchment with Sirius’ new address on it and had to reread it twice before he could be certain it was correct. In Dumbledore’s distinct script was written:

_12 Grimmauld Place, Islington, London_

That was the address of Sirius’ youth, and the only reason Remus knew that was because Sirius had lived there during the summers before he moved in with James during winter break fifth year. Remus would write him once a month, careful to keep the notes mundane and uninteresting, lest Mrs. Black got hold of them. He knew that Mr. and Mrs. Black had died two years before, shortly after Regulus. Their deaths were still awash with secrecy, but seeing as Sirius hadn’t made that big a deal of them (other than regret towards his relationship with his brother), he let matters rest as they were.

It saddened him that Sirius had had to return there, a place he abhorred due to sixteen years of systemic emotional and physical abuse. He knew that the ancestral home was Unplottable since Sirius would extol the difficulty of traveling to the house during school holidays. One had to first go to King’s Cross Station and then walk for nearly 30 minutes to Grimmauld Place, where Number 12 was hidden from Muggles and Wizards unlike. Remus took up his wand prepared himself for Apparition to the station.

The familiar gut-wrenching sensation was unpleasant on his empty stomach, but he pushed through the uncomfortable feeling and Disapparated from his flat to a secluded area in King’s Cross commonly used by magic folk coming and going undetected by Muggles. He took a moment to regain his equilibrium and then started out towards Grimmauld Place.

He spent 90p on a cup of instant coffee and slowly drank the beverage as he ambled along, taking solace in the warm drink. He didn’t usually splurge on ready-made items, but after the events of the day, felt he deserved the surge of caffeine-induced energy. Remus made it to his destination but stopped short when he arrived. Numbers 11 and 13 were clearly visible, but 12 was completely missing. He checked the street name twice and then the note from Dumbledore. He read the address aloud under his breath, and when he looked back up, Number 12 came into sight. Numbers 11 and 13 were pushed to either side, Sirius’ home appearing between them with a loud _crack_.

He had never seen such a thing, but distantly remembered the nature of Unplottable spells and charms from some reading which he had done while attending school. He stowed his wand in its holster and went up the steps and to the black front door. He used the door knocker and waited.

The door creaked open, and a voice near his navel hissed at him.

“Who dares come here, to this most Ancient and Noble House of Black? Get away, you filthy disgusting creature!”

The house-elf before him glared and gnashed his teeth, fingers clenched tightly on the door.

“KREACHER! What are you doing at the door?” Sirius came bounding forward, his black hair pulled into a messy bun at his nape, dark splotches under his grey eyes. He looked up from the house-elf and smiled wide. He looked tired, but unharmed, which Remus was glad to see.

“Moony! Thank Merlin, you’re here! Come in, please! Thank you, Kreacher, but you can go now.” Sirius dismissed Kreacher with a nod, and the elf left their sight, grumbling loudly to himself. Remus entered the house when his friend pulled the door open and gestured him inside.

Before he could offer any pleasantries, Sirius engulfed him in a hug, resting his head in the hollow of Remus’ throat. Remus dropped his bag and returned the motion, wrapping his arms tightly around the shorter man. He rested the side of his face on the side of Sirius’ head, subtly breathing in his familiar scent. It was now tinged with talcum powder and a sticky sweetness akin to syrup, which had to have been remnants of little Harry. Sirius drew in a deep breath and then began to shake, audible distress in his voice.

“I tried to save them, Remus, I swear! I didn’t know that Peter had turned traitor; none of us did! I wouldn’t have suggested he be the Secret Keeper if I had known.”

“I know, Sirius. I’m so sorry I wasn’t here. You must have felt so alone. I’m here now, though, and I won’t leave again, not unless you force me.”

The collar of his shirt grew wet with tears as Sirius silently wept, tears escaping Remus’ eyes as well. They held each other and grieved for their departed friends. They stood in the entry until a sharp cry interrupted them. Sirius pulled back and rubbed his left forearm against his eyes, sniffing a few times before clearing his throat and sheepishly meeting Remus’ eyes.

“That’ll be Harry, finally awake from his nap. I’ve got him set up in my old room. Sorry for bawling all over you, Moony. I haven’t really had any time to think about them, what with everything that’s happened.” Sirius led the way to the staircase, waiting for Remus to pick up his bag. They trekked up to the 4th floor, and Sirius turned at his door, shrugging lightly. “I didn’t want to sleep in _their_ room, and the rest of the house is still closed up. You can settle next door if you’d like. It used to Reg’s but…”

“Thanks, Padfoot. Can I set my stuff down and join you?”

“Yeah, of course. Just come on in when you’re ready.”

Remus went into Regulus’ room, absently noting the Slytherin green and silver décor. He laid his coat atop the bed, dropping his bag on the floor. When he got to Sirius’ room, he could hear the other man comforting Harry, whose cries had tapered off into small whimpers. His throat felt tight, and his eyes threatened to fill with tears once more. He couldn’t imagine how the little boy had to be feeling, ripped unceremoniously from his loving parents. At least he was here, with Sirius and now himself, people that loved him and would do their best to keep him safe.

“Hush now, darling, I know. Padfoot is here, and I’ve brought a guest. You don’t want to be covered in bogies when they come in, do you? It’s alright, Harry, cheer up.”

Watching Sirius with Harry was bittersweet; the obvious love and adoration the other man felt towards the boy filled Remus with gratefulness, a touch of jealousy following in its wake. He had come to terms with his unrequited feelings of love years ago, though his traitorous heart couldn’t help but yearn for the handsome animagi.

_Call **me** darling, Sirius. Please, sweet Circe. Just once…_

Sirius turned while rocking the toddler in his arms, a small grin spreading across his generous mouth. He moved Harry to his hip and nudged the boy’s head with his shoulder.

“Look who it is, sprog; Our dear friend Moony!”

Harry turned teary eyes to the werewolf, the green orbs reminding him so much of his mother, Lily. Harry’s eyes widened and then he reached his chubby arms forward, hands frantically grasping for Remus.

“Moon-ee!”

Remus rushed to the pair and took the boy into his arms, holding him tightly. Harry wrapped his arms around Remus’ neck and began sobbing again.

“Mama gone! Want mama, Rem!”

Remus raised his eyes to Sirius, who stood with his arms wrapped around himself, eyes once again shining with tears. He shrugged, and Remus noted that he seemed skinnier, an unhealthy pallor to his once olive-toned skin. Remus rubbed the toddler’s back, cooing soothing nonsense into his unruly black hair.

“I’ve tried to explain what happened, but how can anyone expect a 15-month old to understand death? I’ve read loads of books, but nothing helps Moony. I don’t know what else to do, other than hold him and tell him that I love him.”

“That’s about all you _can_ do, Sirius. I’m here, Harry. We love you. Shhhhh.”

Sirius sat heavily on a loveseat in the corner, leaning his head back against the wall behind him. There was a pop-up crib on the opposite wall, a fluffy white blanket, and a stuffed dog inside. Remus moved to the seat next to Sirius, cradling the boy in his lap. Harry had stopped crying and was now sucking his thumb. Remus placed his palm on Sirius’ knee and gave him a gentle squeeze.

“I’ve got to apologize again, Padfoot. I should have been here sooner.”

“Dumbledore told me that you were out, trying to gain the favor of others ‘wolves.”

“That doesn’t matter! I should have checked in with Dumbledore earlier. I didn’t even know about everything until this morning; it’s been weeks! You’ve been alone with Harry this whole time, and I should have been here to help you.”

“I don’t blame _you_ , Remus. I’ve only had Harry for a few days, anyway, so there wasn’t any need for help with him until now.”

“A few days? They’ve been dead- _gone-_ since Halloween. Where has he been? Where were you?”

“Harry was with the Dursleys; Lily’s sister Petunia and her family. I was in the Ministry. They kept me in a cell until Monday. I haven’t been anywhere else since the 1st. That’s when I fought Wormtail- **DAMMIT** \- Peter.”

Sirius shook with fury, his eyes wild and his barely controlled magic raising gooseflesh on Remus’ arms. Remus squeezed his friend’s knee hard, nails biting through the denim and into flesh. Sirius took a couple of deep breaths, all at once replacing his fury with resignation.

“I shouldn’t have suggested Peter. They would still be here, Remus. Harry would still have his mum and dad. J-James would still be here.”

“How were you to know, Sirius? If I had been here, I would have suggested the same thing. No one could have known that _Peter_ was going to…”

“I-I know. That’s one of the only things keeping me sane right now; that it was impossible to see beforehand, and that Harry needs me.” Sirius laid his hand over Remus’ on his knee, and then his head on Remus’ shoulder.

“I’m here now, Pads. I’m here, and I’ll help you with Harry. I don’t have much, but I’m here, alright?”

“I know. I’m glad that you came back, Moony. I missed you.”

“I missed you too, Padfoot.”

They sat in silence, the decade of friendship lending comfort to both of them. Harry finally sat up and asked for juice, so they all went to the stairs.

“The kitchen is in the basement, I’m afraid. It’s a bit of a walk, but at least all these stairs will keep me fit, eh?”

“Shut up, Sirius.”

“Yessir, Mr. Moony Sir.”

“You’re ridiculous.”

“No, I’m _Sirius_!”

“Juice, Pads. Please?” A small voice cut in, drawing their attention back to Harry.

The men laughed sheepishly, caught up in their banter and forgetting the reason they were standing in the hall to begin with. 

“Right-o, sprog! The boy needs juice, Moons. How rude of you to distract me!”

Remus rolled his eyes and started down the staircase, leading the way down to the kitchen. The basement was taken up by a large oak table and 10 chairs in the middle, a plush love seat against the left wall, and an unlit fireplace big enough for a grown man to stand in on the wall opposite. A cabinet with fancy china dishes behind glass doors stood next to it, and an inset pantry with open doors next to that.

Sirius went in the pantry and opened a cupboard with perishables, spelled to stay cool. He prepared a child’s cup of watered-down apple juice that he handed to Harry, who took it and began guzzling at once. Sirius smiled, ruffled Harry’s hair, and went back into the pantry.

“Do ya fancy something to eat? I’m starving.”

Remus sat on a chair that was surprisingly comfortable, Harry perched on his knees. His cup was nearly empty, and as it was almost 2 in the afternoon, the boy had to be hungry as well.

“I could eat. Harry, too, more than likely.”

“Hmm… I’ve got salt and vinegar crisps, but not much else. Uh, Kreacher, could you come here please?”

The house-elf opened a door that Remus hadn’t noticed in the corner and walked out, glaring at the lot of them.

“Yes, _Master_?” he snarled, disdain evident in his voice.

“Could you prepare something for us to eat? Please?”

“Of course, _Master_. Whatever you need, _Master_.”

Sirius and Remus shared a look, both recognizing how Kreacher emphasized the word 'master' as if it had insulted him. Sirius tilted his head to the stairs, and Remus followed him up, Harry on his hip. They went up two flights of stairs, bypassing a formal dining room on the ground floor before settling in a cozy sitting room on the first. They settled side by side on the sofa, Sirius lighting the fireplace with a careless wave of his hand. The flames crackled behind the wrought-iron screen, instantly warming the room.

“Wanna play. Down, Moon-ee.” Harry wriggled in his lap, and Remus placed him on the ornate rug. The toddler went to a box settled in the corner on the right, overflowing with miscellaneous toys, sitting down next to it, and starting to play quietly with himself.

“He’s fine until he realizes that they aren’t coming to get him,” Sirius whispered, drawing his knees up to his chest and turning his body into the arm of the couch.

Remus couldn’t do more than jerkily nod, and offer his hand. Sirius gripped Remus’ fingers in his own, his nails bitten to the quick. He’d always been a bit vain, Sirius Black, and to see something small like his unkempt nails brought Remus’ attention to the anxiety his friend had been dealing with.

“The books say he’ll be this way for months, but will eventually get used to his new routine. I’m not sure how to feel about it, Remus. On one hand, I’d like for him to go a day without crying, but that would mean that he’s forgotten them…”

“I don’t know much about children, but I do know that they are very resilient. And we won’t let him forget about them, I promise. We’ll talk about them, and I still have some photos we can display. He’ll heal, and so will we. It won’t be _easy_ , but if we’re together it will be easier.”

“Yeah, I guess so. It’s still so hard to imagine. I’ll see Harry do something adorable, and turn to James, but then I remember that he’s gone. Next thing I know, _I’m_ the one sobbing on the floor.”

“Oh, Pads. It’s okay to cry.”

Sirius gave an empty smile, eyes shining with unshed tears. He used his other hand to brush them away, drawing in a shallow breath.

“I feel like all I _do_ is cry, Moony. If I didn’t have Harry to distract me, I’d be a useless drunk, drowning my sorrows in Firewhisky. I can hardly sleep, ‘cause by night time Harry is asleep and I’m alone with my thoughts.”

Remus interlocked their fingers, absently noting how well they fit together.

“I can’t offer much, but I _am_ here for you, Sirius. You and Harry both. We can be sad sacks together, eh?”

“Yeah, alright. You and me, Moony. We’ll cry and drink and remember them together. Everyone says that it’ll hurt less eventually, but that feels very far away.”

Harry came toddled up to them, a cardboard book in one hand. He offered the book to Remus.

“Book, Rem? Please?”

He went to release Sirius’ hand, but the other man held fast and pulled Remus closer instead. Remus shuffled until his hip rested against Sirius’ socked feet, and Harry clambered into his lap, laying sideways. He rested his back on Sirius’ drawn-up legs, popping a thumb in his mouth. His jade eyes looked into Remus’ own amber ones, and the werewolf wondered when they would stop reminding him so much of Lily’s.

Thirty minutes passed with Harry bringing more books over for Remus to read. A loud _crack_ startled them, Kreacher appearing in front of the fire with a grumpy look upon his weathered face.

“The food is ready, _Master_.” He mockingly bowed once and then disappeared once more.

“I’d be worried that he poisoned the food, but as I’m the last Black, he’s got to listen to me. If he killed me, he’d have nowhere to go. I would take him somewhere else, but Reg was his friend, so I can’t make myself do it.”

“Well. Hopefully, we can all find a way to be civil. Shall we?”

They stood, Harry now perched on Sirius’ hip, and once again went to the basement. Kreacher was nowhere to be seen, but steaming plates were set on the table at three places, all in a row in the chairs closest to the stairs. They sat, Sirius conjuring a small cushion for Harry to sit on in the seat between them.

The meal was simple but filling fare; steamed rice with peas and carrots, herb-roasted chicken breasts, and a fluffy roll topped with butter. Harry’s had already been cut into bite-sized pieces, which proved to Remus that the house-elf maybe didn’t hate _all_ of them. While Harry held a small spoon in his fist, it went mostly unused. They ate without delay, Sirius and Harry competing for the worst table manners. As Remus hadn’t had a proper meal in nearly two months, his stomach had shrunk and he had to eat slowly, lest he make himself sick.

“Done!” Harry dropped his spoon in the middle of his plate, and it was indeed empty of all but some scattered rice and stray peas.

“Good job, Harry. Can you wait for us to finish, please?” Remus asked, smiling softly at the boy.

“’Kay. Juice, Pads?”

“No juice until later, Harry. You can have water, alright?” Sirius pushed another child cup towards Harry, who took it but made a sad look at his godfather before tilting it to his mouth.

Remus pushed his half-full plate away, took a drink, and wiped his mouth with the cloth napkin folded on the side of his plate. He watched Sirius finish his food with all of the enthusiasm of their younger selves.

“Who’s ready for a walk, gents? I’ve got to burn off some calories or I really will get fat.” Sirius stood up and reached for Harry, pulling the boy into his arms and heading for the stairs.

Remus followed after he cleared off the table, placing the dishes in the sink to be dealt with later. He went up to the ground floor and found Sirius and Harry bundled up for the cold weather, Sirius in a black wool peacoat and a Gryffindor red knitted hat with matching gloves. Harry had on a rather puffy dark blue snowsuit, with a similar cap as his Godfather's perched on his head. Sirius pulled a pram from the formal dining room on their right. The double-wide doors were opened into a room stuffed to the gills with a rather large table and what looked to be at least 14 chairs.

“Grab your coat, Moony, and we can take a kip to the park down the street. There’s a cute playground for Harry, and we can sit like little old ladies while he plays.”

“ _Accio_ coat.” Remus stretched his arm out for the coat that came flying down the stairs and put it on. “Have you got a hat I could borrow?”

“Sure. You can use this one. I haven’t worn it in ages, but it should fit.”

Remus was handed a soft dark grey hat, and when he placed it upon his head, it fit quite well. His ears were covered, which he loved, and a small part of him was pleased to wear something that belonged to Sirius. He told that small part to shut up and followed Sirius out the door, Harry sat in the pram with a stuffed penguin in his arms.

The house disappeared after they got to the pavement in front, Number 12 Grimmauld Place hidden once more. They begin walking, Remus huddling close to his companions for warmth.

“That still gives me the creeps, even after all this time,” Sirius remarked.

“I thought I had the wrong address at first. I’ve never seen an Unplottable house in action. The mechanics behind the spell must be quite interesting.”

“There’s probably loads of books about the spell in the study, though I’ve yet to go in there. Too many bad memories, yeah?”

“Swing! Pads, Rem look! Swing!” Harry lurched forward in the pram, arms flailing towards the playground ahead of them, swings, merry-go-round, and a playset complete with two slides coming into view.

“I see them, Harry. Let's park the pram and then we’ll swing, alright? Find us a good seat, would ya Moony?”

Sirius took Harry out and set the boy on his feet. The pram was pushed towards Remus as the toddler rushed to the swings, arms and legs pumping as Sirius raced after him. Remus found a bench not too far away and walked the pram over, setting the wheel brake before starting towards the others. Harry shrieked gaily when he was caught, Sirius sneaking behind him and hoisting him high above his head.

“Where do you think you’re going, sprog? Don’t you know you can’t outrun good old Padfoot?”

“No!” Harry shook his head, a wide smile showing off a sweet gap-toothed grin. “Swing, Pads!”

“Swing, swing, swing. Alright, Harry, if a swing is what you want, then you shall have it. Ready?”

“Yes! Swingswingswing.”

Sirius set the boy in a child-safe swing and began to lightly push. Remus made it to them, walking to the side to avoid getting kicked by Harry’s boot-clad feet. The boy laughed, and Remus was happy to hear the sweet sound after the solemn atmosphere of earlier.

“He’s a pretty cute kid, yeah? I love him so much it hurts, Remus.”

“I do, too, Sirius. He looks just like Prongs; especially that hair. Goodness.”

“I loved teasing James about his mini-clone. Lily would always get the proudest little smile, do you remember?”

“Yeah.”

They took turns gently pushing Harry back and forth, and before long the toddler asked to get down. He ran to an abandoned pushbike and sat on it, trying his hardest to get the thing to move. He grew frustrated and wobbled to a toy dump truck nestled in a sandbox, and played with that instead. Sirius guided Remus to the bench with the pram with a hand on his lower back.

When they sat, Sirius clasped their hands together, his gloved fingers warm around Remus’. Remus kept a close eye on Harry when a man and woman walked up, a small child accompanying them. The child, a tiny blonde girl, ran up to Harry and sat down with her own bright red toy car in hand. Sirius gave the parents a wave while they sat at a bench closer to the sandpit and their daughter. Remus could hear the children babbling at each other, the conversation more hand motions than real words at their age.

“He’s still an outgoing little boy, at least. I was worried he wouldn’t be, after everything that’s happened.”

“That’s great, actually. He’s always been so sweet; I would hate for that to go away. He seems ok to me, Sirius. You’ve done a great job. He was with Petunia before, you said?”

Sirius sneered, something Remus had not seen him do in years.

“The stupid bint treated him like shite. She basically threw him at me and Amanda, the woman from the Welfare office that went with me to get him. Petunia acted like his crying was some big hindrance, and he was filthy when I got him home. His nappy was soaked and his clothes were obviously a few days old. How could anyone treat a little kid like that? He cried all night, Moony, it was horrible. Every loud noise set him off, and I ended up taking him to bed with me so we could both get some rest.”

“I’m so sorry, Sirius. I’m glad you got to him when you did. We both know how hard it is to be in a home where you feel unwelcome.”

A loud cry drew their attention to the children playing, Harry clenching the dump truck against his chest. They both rushed to him and crouched down by his side.

“Mine!” Harry yelled, shaking his head back and forth.

The mother of the little girl was there in flash, crouching beside her daughter with an apologetic look towards them.

“Amelia tried to take the truck. We’re still trying to get the concept of sharing, and I didn’t realize what was happening until he started to cry. I’m sorry, darlings. Come along, Amelia, let’s go and swing, okay?”

Amelia and her mother walked away, and Remus picked Harry up, cradling the boy in his arms. Sirius stood close by and rubbed the boy’s back until he stopped crying.

“Come on, Harry. Are you ready to go home? We can take a nice bath and read a story, alright?”

“N-no bath. Please?” Harry’s bottom lip quivered, tears still sliding from his eyes. Sirius tapped him on the nose until the boy smiled.

“No can do, sprog. We’ve got to get you clean! Don’t you want to play in the bubbles with your toys?”

“Bubbles!” Harry began to bounce in Remus’ arms, the men smiling at his giddiness.

“Oh, Harry, you get bubbles? My baths never have any of those! You’re sooo lucky.”

“Don’t act like you never used that tub in the Prefect’s bath, Moony. You’d be lying, and lying makes Padfoot sad, doesn’t it, Harry?”

Harry giggled madly, nodding his head. Remus sighed and put Harry in the pram, and then they began the walk back to Grimmauld Place. Sirius regaled them with an edited story of when the Marauders had snuck into the Prefect’s bath and overfilled the giant tub with bubbles, making Remus snort so hard he coughed and couldn’t catch his breath.

They arrived and Number 12 sprang into place, Sirius leading the way through the door. They got Harry out of the pram and stowed it and their winter gear in the dining room before trekking up to the fourth floor landing.

“I must be getting old, Moony. 4 flights of stairs have done me in. It’s been a long time since I had to gallivant up and down this many steps!”

“If you’re getting old, then so am I. It’s been since Hogwarts, yeah? At least we only have to lug little Harry here around and not textbooks. Those things were deceptively heavy.”

Sirius brought Harry into the restroom and started the water in the tub, adding a capful of scented bubbles. Harry started pulling off his clothes in his haste to get in, getting his shirt stuck over his head.

“Pads, help!”

Sirius laughed and gave an exaggerated tug, leaving Harry with his hair more mussed than before, and removed the rest of his clothes. Remus leaned against the doorjamb, crossing his arms over his chest. Sirius hoisted the boy high in the air before dangling his little feet over the water, teasing Harry by lowering him down far enough to dip his toes and then raising him up again.

“Bubbles! Now!” Harry shrieked, and finally, Sirius relented. When the water got to his navel, it was shut off, and Sirius handed Harry a bucket of ocean-themed bath toys. As soon as they touched the water, they began to move, and Harry clapped his hands in delight.

Sirius sat on the toilet and watched Harry play. Every now and then he would take a mound of bubbles and place them on the toddler’s head, stacking them until they slid down his face. Harry scrunched his nose but ignored his godfather in favor of a runaway plastic shark.

Remus came and sat on the mat in front of the tub, crossing his legs and reaching into the bath, poking at an errant dolphin. Harry finally got hold of the shark and raised it triumphantly over his head, his high giggle bringing a smile to Remus’ face.

“You’re a pretty cute kid, Harry Potter.” He whispered, watching as the boy dropped the shark into the bucket, kicking his feet in glee when it tried to chew its’ way out.

Remus traded spots with Sirius after a few minutes, settling on the toilet with a satisfying full-spine _pop_.

“That sounded painful, Moony.”

“It hurt and now it feels better. I’ve been trying to get that to crack since the full.”

Sirius handed Harry a random toy and then turned his head back towards Remus.

“How were you able to handle so many full moons, Remus? They must have been awful.”

Remus laid a hand on a newer scar across his chest, a jagged claw mark that started under his right nipple, sliced over the top of it, and ended under his clavicle. That one had taken two rounds of healing spells before it closed properly, and he’d had to take a blood replenishing potion because he had lost so much initially. The pack he had been with were not kind to outsiders, as that scar had well proven to him.

“Dumbledore gave me that new wolfsbane potion, and placed a stasis charm over 7 days worth of doses.”

“Where did he get that? I heard it’s highly regulated, with tracers on each bottle or something.”

“He wouldn’t tell me, but the potions I’ve been taking were in dark vials with no markings. I’m not sure what I’ll do next month now that he won't need to give me any more.”

Sirius began to pour water over Harry’s head, scrubbing shampoo into his scalp. Harry didn’t notice, too distracted with popping as many bubbles as he could reach. Sirius let out a soft ‘hm’ and rinsed out the shampoo.

“I can reach out to Cousin Andromeda. She’s got a little girl who’d be around 9 or 10 now. She was always aces at potions and herbology. I bet I can convince her to help you out if I offer free babysitting.”

Sirius had Harry standing now, washing his body with an orange flannel in his hand and a purple one in Harry’s. The boy reached over to try and wash his feet, wobbling and laughing as he nearly fell on his bottom. Remus placed his hands on his knees, the fingers digging into his trousers.

“I can’t afford the ingredients, Sirius. The potions are 5 Galleons each at the cheapest apothecary. That’s too much; I need 7 vials, and that is a lot of money I don't have.”

Sirius had finished cleaning Harry and was now watching the water spiral down the drain. Harry was on his hands and knees, trying to catch the sudsy water with his hands.

“I can spare some money, Moony. Please let me do this for you. You’re my best mate, and I know that the potion makes the fulls easier. I read all about it when Damocles invented it last year.”

Harry was lifted onto the rug between Sirius' raised legs, a towel briskly rubbed against his damp skin. Sirius gave the towel to Harry when he was done and then grabbed a smaller one for the boy’s hair. Harry pulled the big towel around his little shoulders, his button nose wrinkling in displeasure as Sirius vigorously dried his hair.

“It definitely helps; I keep my mind while transformed, and Moony’s violent urges turn into whispers I can easily ignore. If you’re sure, Sirius, _really sure_ , I’ll accept your help. Please let me know what I can do though, alright?”

“Stay here and help with Harry, Remus. Don’t leave me alone, yeah?”

Sirius stood with a towel-and-turban-wrapped Harry on his hip, looking down at Remus. His eyes were sad, his elegant eyebrows furrowed. Harry leaned his head on Sirius’ shoulder, thumb firmly in his mouth. Remus gave his friend a small nod, throat too tight for words. Sirius then went to the sink, pulling a pastel toothbrush and fruit-flavored paste from the medicine cabinet. Harry obediently opened his mouth, and let Sirius brush his teeth and gums.

Remus followed the pair into the small hall and to Sirius’ room afterward, where Harry was placed on the bed. Remus sat on the foot of the bed as Sirius pulled a set of footie pajamas from his dresser and a nappy from a bag laid on top and came over to the bed.

“I can get him dressed if you’d like, seeing as you did the washing up.” Remus offered, hand out for the clothes. Sirius handed them over and sat next to Harry.

“Thanks, Moony. At least I didn’t end up drenched like on Monday night. Even my pants were soaked. It was horrible.” He gave a dramatic shudder and tickled Harry on his tummy, making the boy giggle and try to roll away.

Remus wrangled the squirming toddler into his nappy and pajamas, and then both men scooted to the head of the bed with Harry between them, a chapter book in Sirius’s hands. Harry gave a large yawn and grabbed on to Remus’ finger, his entire hand curled around it. His other hand went to his mouth once more, thumb guided inside.

Sirius cleared his throat and began to read, “There once was a velveteen rabbit, and in the beginning he was really splendid…”

Remus listened as Sirius read through the first chapter, Harry’s eyes drooping as more pages were read aloud. Remus subtly turned his head into the pillow beneath him, breathing in Sirius’ unique scent. Bergamot and honey filled his nostrils, along with the sweet scent of the boy cuddled between them. Remus gave in to the urge to breathe deeper, pulling the scent into his lungs before slowly breathing out.

He had hoped that after graduating from Hogwarts, his feelings for the other man would wane, but as time went on they did the polar opposite. Remus had realized that the way he felt towards Sirius was romantic love in their fifth year. When he realized what his friends had done for him, becoming animagi to help with the full moons, his heart had filled with unequivocal love and a sense of brotherhood for the three boys. The process to become an animagus was difficult, and had never been attempted by teenagers, at least not that had been recorded.

Remus had loved Sirius for 6 long years and had known for just as long that his feelings were not returned. He didn’t blame the other man, of course, seeing as he himself had nothing to offer a lover. Sirius told the other Marauders that he was bisexual when he was 16, shortly after moving in with James’ family. Remus had a few months of whimsical hope before he heard Sirius tell James about another boy in Ravenclaw, and how he dreamed of running his fingers through the boy’s ‘long chestnut hair, Prongs, it’s unreal.’

Remus was filled with the normal melancholy such thoughts gave him and tried in vain to push his emotions into their locked box deep in the recesses of his mind. It was no use dwelling on a future that would never happen.

“Moony, are you awake? Moony?”

Remus opened his eyes and turned his head to Sirius, meeting the other man’s smoky grey eyes over Harry’s black curls.

“Yes, sorry. I must have dozed off.”

“I would have let you sleep, only my arm is numb and I can’t move it. Could you put Harry in his crib?”

“Sure.” Remus carefully crawled out of the bed and then reached down for Harry, the boy sound asleep on Sirius’ shoulder. He placed the boy in the little crib, pulling his blanket up to his shoulders. Harry snuggled into the small pillow under his head and laid still.

Remus could sense Sirius as he came up to him, so attuned was he to the other man.

“I’m really glad that you’re here, Remus. The last few days have been so difficult, but since you've been here I’ve felt almost like my old self. Thank you for coming.”

“I don’t see that I could have done anything else, Sirius. I’m sorry it took me so long. I swear that I would have been here sooner if I had known.”

“I know. Marauders to the end, eh? Well, what’s left of us, anyway.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Velveteen Rabbit was a children's novel written by Margery Williams in 1922.


	3. 19 November-3 December 1981

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have some time stamps of our three favorite boys! This chapter also has explicit sexual content, so be prepared. Thanks for reading, bookmarking and leaving kudos!

The next two weeks both flew by and dragged on as the two men formed a sort of routine around their young charge. The day-to-day schedule was much the same; they woke before 8 am, fed and played with Harry until lunch, after which Harry would took a nap that ranged from 30 minutes to 3 hours once (Sirius fell asleep while reading in his bed, and Remus caught them both snoring and drooling on their separate pillows) and then they bundled up in winter gear for a walk to the park or stayed in depending on the weather. Remus tended to make a small snack that went with them on their daily walk, as he once caught Sirius hiding a packet of powdered donuts under the pram and was thereby removed from duty. The evenings were Remus’ favorite part of the day, especially after dinner had been eaten and cleared away. 

Sirius would lead the three of them to the first floor sitting room, lighting the fireplace and settling on the couch next to Remus while Harry played in his toy corner. Sirius dug an record player from somewhere and they would listen to various classical records as they sat, Mozart or Chopin filling the background. It was this time that Sirius let down his guard, their conversations turning from painful stories of their departed friends to happier times and silly anecdotes. When the clock would sound 7 pm, they would take Harry upstairs for his bath, squeezing close together as they sat on the bath mat in front of the tub. 

Harry was obsessed with bubbles, and the one time they ran out, Remus charmed the water dark green and transfigured his ocean toys into creatures from the Great Lake at Hogwarts. Harry was enchanted with the giant squid, and refused to let Remus return it to the sea turtle it had been before. Afterwards, they would pile in Sirius’ bed in soft pajamas (Sirius bought him a pair of fleece trousers with wolves on them and a cotton t-shirt with an applique of the moon cycle, and laughed hysterically for days the first time he wore it) and a book. 

They were still reading  The Velveteen Rabbit , the story just entertaining enough to keep the little boy’s attention. One night after he had been with them for 4 days, Remus offered to read. He awoke an undetermined amount of time later with the paperback on the floor, Harry nestled between them, thumb firmly in his mouth (they couldn’t bear to try and break the habit, as it brought the toddler comfort), Remus’ temple pressed against Sirius’. He drew in a shuddering breath, senses taken over by the man next to him.

Sirius’ scent, his soft hair, his breath, the way his hand held Remus’ own on Harry’s belly; Remus had never had to fight his urges quite like this before, and struggled to hold them at bay. He wanted to tilt his head down and meet Sirius’ lips in a kiss; he wanted to run his fingers through the man’s wavy black hair; he wanted to pull their bodies together with no barriers between them. His need for Sirius was overwhelming. The only thing stopping him from giving in to his impulses was the knowledge that his advances would be unwanted. 

He could see it now, technicolor flashes of how his friend would undoubtedly react; Sirius would pull away from his kiss, disgust and pity in his eyes. He would take Harry and place the boy in his crib, and then politely ask Remus to leave. He would watch as Remus packed his meager belongings, and then lead the werewolf to the front door. Sirius would gently let him down, as the other man could never forget his manners, but wouldn't want to live with someone that viewed him as anything more than the friend he was. Remus would apologize, of course, but ultimately leave. If Sirius was made aware of Remus’ unrequited feelings of love, Sirius would no longer be comfortable in such close quarters, raising a child and living together. Any semblance of family Remus had garnered in the last week would disappear, and he would once again be left alone, on the outside looking in.

He was interrupted from his thoughts when Sirius said his name in a sleepy murmur, and moved his head. Remus met his eyes, glad that Sirius was not skilled in Legilimency, and therefore couldn’t see what he had been thinking.

“Moony? What time is it?” Sirius’ mouth opened in a large yawn, his fingers untangling with Remus’ on Harry’s belly to hide his lips. 

“Late, I think, though I’m not sure. We fell asleep Godric knows how long ago.” 

Remus mourned the loss of connection, but carefully sat upright before picking Harry up and moving the boy to his bed across the room. He used the time it took to place the boy under his blanket to gather himself, dismissing his thoughts and the possibly horrible outcome his mind had come to. He would do everything in his power to stay here, close to the only two people left that mattered more than his own life. 

“I’m off to bed now. I’ll see you in the morning, Padfoot. Good night.”

“Er, right. Good night, Moony.” 

******************************

After he had fallen asleep while listening to Remus’ soothing voice two nights before, Sirius did his best to not do so again. Remus had left his room so quickly afterwards, and Sirius had no one to blame but himself. He wondered if Remus could somehow sense how affected he had been with their closeness; could he tell that Sirius had become slightly aroused, or how close he had been to pressing a kiss on Remus’ forehead? 

Had he given himself away that night? Had Remus left as fast as he had because he  _ knew _ now, and had wanted to get as far away as possible? Sirius hoped not, but he couldn’t be sure. If Remus  _ did  _ know how he truly felt, would he leave? The item he held hit his foot as it fell, disrupting him in the middle of cleaning Harry’s toy while the boy napped. He sank to his knees, grateful that Remus wasn’t in the sitting room with him, and couldn’t see how distracted he was. The toys lay in a messy pile in front of him, but he couldn’t focus on them with the swirling thoughts in his head.

Sirius had been so careful since graduation 3 years prior not to act on his feelings for Remus. After everyone parted ways, James with Lily, Peter with his mother, and Sirius and Remus to flats on opposite sides of London, he realized just how different he felt about Remus. There was the brotherly love he held for all of the Marauders plus Lily, of course, but he became aware of something _extra_ towards Remus. The new distance brought forward how much Sirius missed him, and if it had felt the same as how he missed James, it wouldn’t have drawn so much of his notice.

He missed Remus, and more than just his presence. Sirius missed the way Remus would touch him, laying a hand on the small of his back while leaving or entering the same room, brushing his hand across the nape of his neck in passing, or tucking an errant lock of hair behind Sirius’ ear while they took notes in the Common Room. He didn’t notice the touches until they were gone, and mourned the comfort they had brought him. 

He missed Remus’ smile and all of its variations; the little smirk he got during pranks, the smug grin his lips formed when he felt proud, the shy smile he would share when embarrassed. 

Sirius missed Remus’ scent, and how, after he had mastered his transformation into Padfoot, he was able to pick up the trail from anywhere in the castle. The loss of the familiar combination of cedar wood and cloves was the hardest. He had been so used to it that he spent months searching for the smell subconsciously before he grew aware and made himself stop. 

He missed watching Remus write, or read, or talk; he missed cuddling Moony post-full moons in the Shack, the softest blankets he could find wrapped around the both of them until the fabric held their combined scent. He missed James and to a lesser degree Peter as well, but nowhere near the same magnitude. Those little (big) things tipped the scales, and he was forced to admit what all the clues meant.

Only one other person knew, taking his secret with them to the grave. 

*************************

_ After Regulus was presumed dead in 1979, Sirius had gone to Prongs’ house with two bottles of Odgen’s Best, and drunk himself into a stupor. James and Lily had joined him, though James passed out halfway through the second bottle. Lily had pushed James to the floor and forced her way under his arm on the sofa, removing his glass and placing it on the coffee table. She turned to him then, her green eyes sad and a little hazy from alcohol.  _

_ “I’m so sorry about Regulus, Sirius.” _

_ “It’s not like we were close, yeah? Things got difficult between us after I ran away, but he was still my little brother. We were only a year or so apart, and he used to be so small so I just  _ **_had_ ** _ to protect him…” _

_ Lily wrapped him in her arms, her wildflower perfume soft and subtle to his nose. He wept on her shoulder, arms wrapped just as tightly around her smaller frame. He blubbered about lost chances and regrets, before voicing his deepest secret. _

_ “What if I die too, Lils? Remus will never know that I love-” He pulled back, eyes wide and breath coming much too fast. “Oh god. That’s not what I meant. I don’t  _ **_love_ ** _ him, not like that, I swear!” _

_ “Sirius, breathe. Slow down.” _

_ “I swear, I don’t! That would be so stupid of me, right? Please, pretend you didn’t hear anything!” _

_ “Sirius! Breathe, you idiot. And stop lying to me; I  _ **_know_ ** _ , okay? I already know!” Lily shook his shoulders, the movement putting a stop to his hyperventilating. _

_“W-what do you mean you_ ** _know_** _? I don’t know what you’re talking about; there’s_ ** _nothing_** **_to know_** _!”_

_ “Just stop, you’re embarrassing yourself. I’ve known how you feel about him for a year, Sirius. You don’t need to lie to me about it. Please, stop.” _

_ His teeth snapped together so hard they ached, and he could do nothing but stare at the woman in front of him in dismay. Something she had said stuck out to him, and with dread pooling in his stomach he whispered, “Am I that obvious? How have you known for an entire year?” _

_ “Don’t worry, Sirius, I think I’m the only one who noticed. You’re not super obvious either. I can just tell. Call it woman's intuition if it makes you feel better.” _

_ “Woman’s intuition? That’s a load of shite and you know it!  _ **_How do you know_ ** _?!” _

_ Lily heaved a heavy sigh and rested her head on the back of the sofa, Sirius copying her position and refusing to make eye contact.  _

_ “Alright, Christ. You look at him in a certain way, Sirius, like he holds your heart in his hands. You talk to him in a different tone of voice than you do with the other boys, and whenever he comes in a room, your focus shifts and you follow him around with your eyes. They’re little things, okay? Taken separately they don’t mean much, but put all together they give you away.” _

_ “Fuck. He doesn’t know, though, right? Has he said anything to you? Oh Merlin, please say he doesn’t know…” _

_ “I’m sure that he doesn’t, so breathe, please. I’m too drunk to bring you back around if you pass out.” _

_ “Thank Circe! He’d hate me for sure if he knew; why wouldn’t he? I’m nothing but fancy hair and a horrible smoking habit with a shattered soul hidden underneath. He would never want me back.” _

_ “Please, you’re a catch, Mr. Black! Anyone would be lucky to have you, especially Remus. Don’t sell yourself short.” _

_ “Ha. Sure, Lily. You have to say that, but I appreciate it anyway. You have to promise that you won’t tell anyone.” _

_ “I promise, you daft berk. Relax, your secret is safe with me.” _

_ “Thank you, Lily. Let’s never speak of this conversation again; agreed?” _

_ “Yes, yes. I swear I won’t, Sirius.” _

_ *********************** _

She never told a soul, not that he knew of. James would have teased him endlessly about it as soon as he was told, and would have gone and blathered it all to Remus just to piss him off. Thinking of them both brought an ache to his chest, and he felt as if he couldn’t breathe, the grief was that palpable.

“Padfoot, are you in here? Harry is with me, and we wanted to know if you wanted to go for a walk. The snow finally stopped, and I can see a little bit of sunshine!” Remus walked into the room with Harry trailing behind him, his stuffed dog held in the crook of his chubby little arm.

He hurriedly dumped the rest of the toys in the box, then stood and dusted off his legs. Sirius gave them a weak smile and walked towards them.

“A walk sounds wonderful. You know, I haven’t gone out as Padfoot in ages. What do you think, Harry? Should I change into a dog for our walk?”

“Puppy Pads! Puppy Pads!” Harry grabbed Sirius’ hand and tugged him to the stairs, ready for his special dog walk.

Remus followed them, laughing softly.

“Have you got a dog collar and leash, Padfoot? I’d rather not get a fine for an untethered animal. I haven’t the money to bail you out of the pound again.”

“Shut up, Moony. That was one time! Once!”

**************

Remus watched Sirius closely for a few days to see if he had noticed anything remiss about the other night, but after two days and a snow-filled romp to the park as Padfoot the dog, saw no signs that the other man knew. Remus eased back into their normal routine, adding small touches back to their repertoire. 

By the 24th, Remus began to notice how exhausted Sirius was upon waking, and offered to take over for him with Harry in the morning. 

“I can set a monitoring charm that will tell me when he wakes, and can give you another hour or two of sleep, if you’d like. I’m already up before he is, anyway; you know that I’m a morning person.”

“That sounds wonderful! There’s not enough room for the crib to go in with you, but I don’t mind you coming in if you’re comfortable with it. Do you still read the paper with tea, like at school? You’re crazy for waking up early on purpose, Moony.”

“I’m surprised that you remembered that, Pads! It's been years.”

“Mmm. It's not like you were all that sneaky when you brought the paper to the dorms, Remus. You tended to throw open the window blinds and wake us all up.”

“How dare I wake my friends and get them to breakfast on time? The nerve!”

Sirius laughed, tossing his head back and exposing his long, elegant throat. Remus hoped that the other man didn’t notice as his Adam's apple bobbed with his abrupt swallow, his throat dry and tongue heavy in his mouth. He was able to quickly turn his focus elsewhere, and Sirius was none the wiser to his lustful gaze.

“You’re ridiculous, Moony. I would kill for extra sleep. Can we start tomorrow?”

“You love it, Padfoot. You would be so bored without my dry wit to keep your mind sharp. Tomorrow should be fine. Harry and I can read the paper together while we eat.”

“Oi, don’t eat without me!”

“I’ll save you a plate, don’t worry.”

“Be sure that you do, or there’ll be hell to pay.”

“Yes, yes. You’re so ferocious. Are you sure that your animagus should be a dog? You’ve got the temper of a cat.”

“How dare you?! Don’t run away, you arsehole! Harry, catch him, he’s being mean to me!”

Remus dodged the toddler, laughing and careening around the corner. 

“Moon-ee! No mean! Moon-ee, stop!” 

“You better run, Remus! Harry, quick, he’s stuck by the stairs!”

“Alright, I give up! I’m sorry!”

Sirius and Harry cornered him by the little gate set across the stairs, and set to tickling any part of him they could reach. Harry, being so short, could only wiggle his fingers at Remus’ knees, but Sirius went right for his sides, which he knew were the most ticklish. Remus struggled, trying not to hit Harry while twisting away from Sirius’ hands. 

“Uncle, uncle! I’m sorry!”

“You’re damn right! Don’t call me a cat ever again! That was just rude, Mr. Lupin! Shame on you!”

Remus put both hands out in supplication, glad when the tickling finally stopped. Harry was giggling, a gummy smile brightening his face. Sirius looked smug as hell, his cheeks flushed and a proud gleam of triumph in his beautiful slate grey eyes. If the tickling hadn’t taken his breath away, the sight before him would have. He was glad to use that for the reason behind his breathlessness, and when they moved back into the sitting room, he sat on the floor, Harry pushing him to his back and sitting across his stomach, arms raised in the universal sign of victory.

“Harr-ee win!”

“That you did, Harry! You captured Moony fair and square!”

Remus placed his fingers on Harry’s sides, fingers raised to tickle the boy in revenge. He wiggled his fingers and Harry shrieked with laughter, trying to push him away.

“No, Rem! No Harr-ee! NOOOO!” 

“Oh no, Harry! How the tables have turned! Don’t worry, Uncle Padfoot will save you!”

Harry was plucked from Remus’ grasp and lifted high in the air, Sirius’ arms stretched tall and straight above him. The little boy giggled madly, and Remus watched from his supine position, happiness filling his heart. Harry had been through so much already in his short life, but to be able to see him laugh and play like this, with them, made him glad to be a part of his life, and so grateful that he was allowed to be here for these precious moments. 

**********************

Sirius woke the next morning with a snort, mind clouded with sleep. He raised his arms and pointed his toes, his back popping with the full body stretch. He settled into his pillow, feeling rested for the first time since he brought Harry home. He was not used to waking earlier than 9, but a toddler couldn’t be expected to follow his godfather’s lazy way of starting the day. 

He noticed something that had been missing from his morning routine, and became aware of the raging erection tenting his pajamas. 

“Well. I’m glad to see you, but your timing is a bit off.”

His dick, of course, gave no answer, so he shrugged and reached for it, grasping his cock in his left hand. The soft pressure was exquisite, and he shuddered as he squeezed the head once before sliding his hand under his clothes. He waved his hand over his legs and his trousers appeared on the floor, removing them. His right hand went to his chest, fingertips lightly grazing his nipples. He was glad then for his propensity to sleep without a shirt, a breathy moan leaving his lips when he reached his dick at the same time. 

The head of his cock was wet with precome, his fingers sliding easily from tip to base. He bit his lip, afraid to make more noise, even though he knew he was the only one on this floor. Sirius tried to go slow, keeping his fingers loose around his cock but still giving him enough pressure that he was satisfied, holding back the need to come. 

The blood rushed to his head, his heart beating so hard he could feel his pulse through his dick. His right hand lay forgotten on his chest until a particularly delicious pump of his other fist caused him to shake, the fingers near his nipple raking across the pebbled flesh and making him cry out. The twin sensations were so strong his grip around his cock got tighter in response.

His nipple throbbed from the rough treatment, his hand rising to cover his gaping mouth. He couldn’t stop his hips from jerking upwards, meeting the furious pumping of his fingers around his cock. The added stimulation felt otherworldly, his focus drawn sharply to his groin. He dick was so hard, the flesh rigid and so hot from blood, and precome was dripping from the tip in an amount he was sure to be embarrassed by later. 

“Ah! Oh  _ god _ !” 

His head thrashed side to side, his hand and hips pumping in tandem to bring him closer and closer to orgasm. He wanted to slow down, to enjoy the moment more, but weeks of celibacy were against him, and he knew he was going to come sooner than he wanted. Sirius gave a sharp twist to the head of his cock when his hand reached it, his other hand falling to the sheets by his hip and grasping so tightly his fingers went numb. 

He couldn’t slow down, hips and fist moving faster, squeezing his dick tighter and tighter with his fingers. The familiar tingle in the base of spine came before he was fully prepared, groin going hot and loose as he came, thick white strips flying from the tip of his cock. One globule landed on his chin, his head thrown back with the rush of endorphins. He jerked his dick until it began to hurt, pulling more cum than expected onto his stomach. 

He breathed in and out in ragged gasps, every part of his body drawn in a tight bow, fingers and toes tingling, his head empty of thought and heart pounding against his ribs. He slowly relaxed, sagging into his mattress, cum cooling on his overheated skin. He felt  _ amazing _ , the sweet release of a satisfying orgasm turning his bones into jelly. 

It took at least 15 minutes for his heart rate to slow and his head to clear, the cum tacky and cold by then. He let out a content chuckle, pulling his wand from under his pillow and waving it over his belly and chin, vanishing the white fluid into the ether. His cock gave a weak jerk when he thought about how much more satisfying a shared orgasm would have been, a certain tawny haired, whisky-eyed werewolf coming to mind.

He tried to brush aside the thought of Remus in bed with him, naked and covered in sweat and come. Even with his numerous scars, Sirius thought that Remus was sexy. Years of a shared dormitory had given him many opportunities to see the other man  _ sans _ clothing, the images of a tapered waist with broad shoulders coming to the forefront of his mind. Remus was deceptively built, biceps firm with muscle, stomach tight and abdominals perfect. His hips did that ‘v’ thing, drawing one’s gaze toward his groin and the dick that rested between his muscled legs. 

Sirius had only seen it soft before, the other man dressing after a shower, always quick to hide the scars he considered ugly. His cock had been large, even soft, his foreskin removed and tip a rosy pink that made Sirius blush when he compared the color to Remus’ plump lips. What Sirius wouldn’t do for a chance to worship that body with his hands or mouth; he would pay special attention to every scar and discoloration, each imperfection proof that Remus had survived every full moon. 

His dick was half hard now, his hand absently wandering to his groin while he imagined his friend’s body like a stalker.

“None of that, you greedy thing. Once is enough! I need to get up now, not laze about jerking it to naughty thoughts of poor, unsuspecting men.” 

He reached over the side of the bed for his pajama bottoms, grateful for his foresight to remove them before coming all over them. He pulled them on and went to his door, peeking into the small hall before dashing into the loo. He used the facilities and brushed his teeth, running a comb through his hair and grinning smugly at his reflection.

He thought about taking a shower, but a quickly cast  _ tempus _ showed the time as 9:11 am, and he rushed through pulling on a hopefully clean shirt before running down the stairs. He stopped at the open door to the first floor sitting room, heart filled to near-bursting when he saw the occupants inside. 

Remus and Harry were laid out on their bellies on the rug before the fire, flames crackling merrily behind the grate. Harry had his plastic farm animals and a two-storey red barn within reach, a small rooster held in his fist. Remus had his chin resting on his palms, elbows on the carpet and attention fully on the toddler in front of him. 

“This chick?”

“That one is a rooster, Harry. Do you remember what a rooster says?”

“Ah-a-dood-oo!”

“That’s right, good job. What’s next?”

“Sheep! Baaaaah.”

“Right again! And this one?” 

“Puppy! Wooooof!” 

Remus held the brown and a white border collie, Harry reaching for it to smash it into the rug, laughing and making the appropriate dog noises. Remus gave the boy a soft, sweet smile, Sirius wishing that it was directed at himself before banishing the thought. He had enough right now, what with the two most important people in his home, close by and safe. He walked into the room, stopping by Remus’ feet and smiling down at them.

“May I join you, gentleman?”

*******************************

Remus jolted on the floor, unaware of Sirius’ presence until the man spoke. He was usually much more aware of his surroundings, but had begun to let down his guard and relax more the longer he was here with Harry and Sirius. Harry dropped his toy and jumped to his feet, grabbing hold of Sirius around the knees and grinning up at his godfather.

“Pads! Yes! Hi!”

Sirius picked him up, balancing the boy on his hip and ruffing his unruly hair with his free hand.

“Hullo, sprog. Did you have fun with Uncle Moony?”

“Yes! Moon-ee play!”

“It looked like a fun game; can I sit and play, too?”

“Yes! Pads play! Moon-ee play! Harr-ee play!”

Remus felt awkward lying on his belly by himself, so he rose to a sitting position, crossing his legs and putting his hands on opposite knees.

“It seems that you have permission, Padfoot. Farmer Harry was telling me all about his animals and the ruckus they got into today.”

“What ruckus? Harry, I thought you ran a tighter farm than this? I am appalled sir, absolutely appalled!”

“No rucks! Silly Moon-ee!”

Sirius walked over and sat across from Remus, Harry perched on his folded legs as he too sat criss-cross on the rug. Harry immediately reached for the border collie, handing it to Sirius with a chirp of “Pads puppy. Woof!” before grabbing a pig and horse in each fist. 

“I take it that you’re usually the dog, amirite?” 

“Yes. I think he knows how ironic it is, making me the dog every time. Kid is a secret wanker, just like his dad.” 

Remus could tell that Sirius regretted his words as soon as he said them, and they both froze before looking down at the boy in his lap. At the word ‘dad’, Harry looked up at Sirius, his mouth wobbling. 

“Dad? Dad home?” 

Sirius wrapped Harry in his arms, voice raspy as he responded.

“I’m sorry, but dad isn't coming home. I’m so sorry, Harry.”

“No dad? Mama?”

Remus could feel his throat close tight with grief, eyes flooding with an influx of tears. He moved the toys to the side and crawled to Sirius and Harry, putting his shaking arms around them both.

“Mama is gone too, sweetheart. We’re so sorry.” he whispered, and could feel Sirius shudder along with the little boy between them.

Harry cried in their arms, fat tears rolling down his face and hands clenching tightly to them both. They sat on the rug, the fire casting shadows into the room, and sobbed, mourning the two people who were lost to them. 

*************************

By December 1st, Sirius was feeling stir crazy. He needed to get out, to be alone, and the empty pantry facing him was the perfect excuse. He grabbed the peanut butter and the half-loaf of bread and turned to Remus and Harry.

“It looks like I need to go to the shops, lads. One cannot live on peanut butter alone.”

“Do you want us to go with you?” Remus asked, starting to assemble a sandwich for Harry and himself.

“No, I can be there and back faster if I go alone, if you’re okay watching Harry?”

“Of course. Harry and I can entertain ourselves, right?”

“Snack!”

“That seems to be a yes. I shouldn’t be gone long. I’ll see you both in a bit.”

Sirius took the stairs to the ground floor and pulled on his coat, boots, hat and gloves. He could have sent Kreacher to get the groceries, but it felt odd asking the elf to do anything other than make the odd tea tray or meal. He rather liked doing it himself, and with Remus here to help, they tended to take turns cooking while the other man kept Harry occupied. 

He braced himself for the biting air of midwinter and rushed outside, shivers setting in as soon as he left the warmth of the house. The grocers was only a 10 minute walk, so he trudged along, feet leaving little trenches in the snow behind him. 

He got a trolley from the spares inside the grocers, and went up and down the aisles, grabbing the necessities as he went. He was comparing a box of Weetabix with a colorful sugary cereal when he happened to look up, body freezing when he saw a tall man with messy black hair from behind.

He knew that the man couldn’t possibly be James, but logic had nothing to do with this. The man was tall, and thin, and his hair laid just the way Prongs’ tended to after a  Quidditch match, the black mop on his head tangled from the wind. The man stood at the other end of the aisle, turned away from Sirius gesticulating with his hands to someone out of sight. All of a sudden Sirius could no longer breathe; his sight went dark and fuzzy, his lungs like stone in his chest.

All he could see was James, laughing as a young boy, making heart-eyes at Evans as a teenager, smiling with tears in his eyes as Lily walked down the aisle, her red hair elegantly done up with baby's breath nestled in the tresses and a white dress upon her frame. His life with James flashed so quickly it was hard to decipher the memories, and as the moments in time went faster, so too went his breath.

He could tell that something was wrong with him, and that people had surrounded his trolley, but he couldn’t move, couldn’t respond to their inquiries, couldn’t get enough air into his lungs.

“Step aside, please! You’re crowding him! Step aside! Sir? Sir, can you hear me?”

Someone was touching him. Someone had their fingers wrapped around his white-knuckled fist. He raised his head from the food piled in his cart, and a short woman with brown hair and blue eyes was speaking to him.

“Sir, can you hear me? My name is Eliza. I’m a nurse and I think you’re having a panic attack. I need you to breathe with me; can you do that? Nod your head if you understand me.”

He gave a miniscule nod, his eyes wide and chest still too tight. He couldn’t catch his breath, and he could hear his ragged gasps as if he were underwater or very far away.

“Good, that's really good. I need you to breathe with me, alright? Ready? One and in. Good! Two and out. One and in, two and out. You’re doing so well, there we go. One and in…”

He followed Eliza as she breathed, air jerkily passing through his nostrils and mouth slower and slower as she counted, and finally he was able to breathe semi-regularly, Eliza continuing the mantra until he took a shuddering gulp of air. She held his hand until his chest rose and fell in a solid rhythm, chattering at him the entire time. He learned that she lived close by, and that her cat, Olive, hated the snow with a vengeance, but begged to be let outside and then got angry at the weather’s lack of cooperation. 

“And once she snuck out, and I didn’t even realize it until the next morning. Her caterwauling woke me up, and I swear she was part popsicle! There you go, you’re doing so well. Can you tell me your name?”

“S-Sirius.” He croaked out, and realized that they were sitting on the floor, his trolley and her basket abandoned in the middle of the aisle.

“Like the star? Wow, how fun! I’m Eliza; I’m not sure how much you remember, so I’m just going to tell you what I saw and why I’m here bothering you, okay?”

He nodded again, the motion causing his head to swim, and he raised a shaking hand to his temple. 

“You had a panic attack. You were breathing very hard and fast and couldn’t catch your breath, so I came over and helped you through it. I’m a nurse, and I could tell what was happening to you because I’ve had one a time or two myself.”

“Th-thanks, Eliza.”

“Don’t mention it! Are you feeling any better? You’ll probably be woozy and might get a headache, and your chest will feel tight for a few hours. Panic attacks are horrible, but manageable. Did you drive here? You should probably call someone to come and get you; I don’t recommend driving at the moment.”

“I-I walked. I need… we need food. My roommate doesn’t have a car.”

“I can drive you, if you’d like? Save you the cab fare, anyway. Come on, let me help you up.” Even though she was shorter than him, she was able to pull him to his feet with little effort. Now that he was paying attention, she seemed young, maybe mid-20s. She collected her basket and directed him to his trolley, and steered him to the registers.

They checked out, trekking in the snow to her car, a small red two-door sedan.

“Let me pop the boot and get us loaded up, and you can take a seat inside. Would you mind turning on the car so it can warm up? It’s freezing out here.”

She handed him the keys, and pushed him towards the passenger side door. He sat in the car without resistance and put the keys in the ignition. The sedan clicked over, cold air shooting from the vents and into his face, helping to clear his head a little more the longer he sat. Eliza slammed the boot closed and got in the driver’s side, already talking.

“My goodness, this cold is the worst! What’s your address, Sirius?”

“Erm.” He couldn’t tell her that he lived at 12 Grimmauld Place; she was obviously a Muggle. “13 Grimmauld Place. It should be a quick trip.”

“Oh, I know that street! It’s so odd, how the house numbers skip from 11 to 13, isn’t it? You live there, so I guess you’re used to it. I’ve always wondered why no one has corrected that…”

He listened to her chatter as she drove, her attention split between the road and their one-sided conversation, and they arrived in front of his row of town homes within a few minutes. 

“Do you need help carrying these inside?”

“No, I’ll be alright. Thank you, Eliza. You’ve been so very helpful.”

“Pish posh! Anyone with a lick of sense would have done the same. Are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure. I won’t keep you.”

“Well, lets get your groceries out and all that.”

They removed his things from the boot, and when he was left standing on the pavement with bags at his feet, she leaned into her car for a pad of paper and a pen. She wrote on a piece of paper and tore it from the pad, walking back over to him with it in her gloved hand.

“This is my landline. Please call me if you feel like you need any kind of help, alright? I noticed some nappies and wipes in your things; does that mean you have children? I’m only asking because I work in Pediatrics at the hospital close by.”

“I have… one child. Harry. He’s about 18 months.”

“Oh, what a fun age that is! If you need any help with him or yourself, please give me a ring. I work Mondays through Thursdays, and am free the rest of the week. I promise not to be cross if you never call, so don’t feel any pressure.”

“Right. Thanks.”

“Sorry, I know that I talk a lot. Be sure to drink some warm tea and sit for a while when you get in, okay? And take a couple of paracetamol with your tea for your head. I’m glad we met, even if the circumstances weren’t really very good. Good luck, Sirius. Bye!”

He waved a hand as she drove away, his reaction time slower than normal and making his response delayed. He gave a little snort of laughter and then turned to the row of houses, Number 12 sliding smoothly into place. He grabbed the bags in both hands and walked to the door, rapping the wood with snow-numbed knuckles.

Remus cautiously opened the door, pulling it wide as he saw him on the stoop.

“Sirius? Let me take some of those bags for you. Are you alright? You look pale. Well, paler than I would think a walk in the snow would make you.”

“Lets get these downstairs, and I can tell you what happened.”

“Something happened? What?”

They carried the groceries into the kitchen and laid the bags on the table. Sirius sat in the chair closest to him and folded his arms on the table, his head flopping down and turned to the side. Remus sat next to him, the chair turned enough that he sat sideways, body facing Sirius’ and concern etched into the small furrows on his brow.

“I had a panic attack. At the grocers.”

“Oh god. Are you alright? Did you fall or hit your head? What set it off?”

“I’ll be fine. I thought I saw J-James but of course I didn’t he’s dead and he isn’t coming back and then all I could see was memories of him and I couldn’t breathe Remus I couldn’t breathe I couldn’t see Remus **_I can’t breathe_** oh GOD-”

“Hey, Sirius, breathe with me. Padfoot,  _ breathe with me _ . There we go. In. Out. In. Out. In. Out. I’m here, you’re alright. In. Out. In. Out. I’m so sorry, breathe. In. Out. In. Out.”

“S-sorry. T-twice in one d-day is a b-bit much, innit?”

“Don’t apologize, Sirius. I’ve been right where you are, okay? Just breathe with me. In. Out. In. Out. There you are. Easy now. Here.”

Remus handed him a glass of water, reminding him to “Sip it, Sirius. You’ll choke!”. He put the glass down and reached out for Remus, who offered him a hand and interlocked their fingers.

“I think we’ll be doing the shopping together from now on, yeah? I’d hate for either of us to have something like this happen with no one around to help. How did you get home, anyway? Surely you didn’t walk back?”

“No, I d-didn’t walk. Met a nurse, Eliza, and she c-calmed me down then drove me h-home.”

“That was nice of her. Not many people would help a stranger like she did.”

“I imagine not. Have we got any paracetamol?”

Remus stood and went to the cupboard above the sink, pushing bottles aside until he found the white bottle with pain killers. He placed a few on the table by Sirius’ glass, then sat back down and reached for his hand once more. Sirius was so grateful for the familiar touch, and took the medicine. He finished the glass, then noticed that Harry was missing.

“Where’s Harry?”

“He’s still sleeping. It's just past one, so hopefully he’ll stay down for a little while longer.”

“I could use a hot cuppa. Have we still got tea laying around?”

“Somewhere, I’m sure. Lets get you to the sitting room and then I’ll put things away and make you a cup of chamomile. Come on, Padfoot, up you get.”

Sirius let out a small whine at having to move, but was glad that Remus was there to help him up the stairs. They bypassed the ground floor and that oversized unnecessary formal dining room and went straight to the first floor sitting room. It was the most used room in the house, aside from their bedrooms, and was obviously the most lived in. The fire was still lit, and one of the overstuffed arm chairs by the window had a book thrown on the side, spine side up. Remus must have gone down in a hurry to have left a precious book in such a sorry state.

He was guided to the sofa in the middle, his boots, coat, hat and gloves removed before he was gently pushed to sit. Remus moved him around until he was lying sideways, head pillowed on a decorative sham and a chenille throw blanket spread across his legs. Sirius would have made a raunchy comment about being muscled around if he didn’t feel so tired all of a sudden. 1.5 panic attacks had done him in, and he felt right knackered.

“Stay right there, okay? I’ll bring you some tea as soon as I can.”

Remus left the room with one more glance over his shoulder at his prone body, and then left. He returned not even 10 seconds later with a puzzled look on his face and a tray with two steaming cups of tea and a plate of finger sandwiches.

“I found these on the table in the hall. I think Kreacher made it?”

“What a silly elf. He likes me after all. How sweet.”

“He’ll be cross if he hears you talk about him like that.” Remus laughed and sat down, pulling Sirius’ legs into his lap before balancing the tray on his shins. 

He handed Sirius a cup before taking the other for himself, pursing his plush petal-pink lips to blow air over the top. Sirius was distracted, watching as the other man raised his cup to his mouth, and didn’t notice he was staring until Remus looked at him. A tawny brow was quirked up, a small smirk pulling at the side of his mouth.

“D’you see something you like, Padfoot?”

“W-what? Don’t be daft, Moony. I wasn’t staring!”

“Hmm. Of course not, how silly of me. Drink up before it gets too cold, you tosser.”

“Yeah, yeah. Shut it.”

Remus finished his tea before he did, and started on the sandwiches. They were cucumber and cream cheese, standard fair for a light tea time. Sirius reached over and took one, admiring the even triangles and taking a small bite. The food and drink helped settle his stomach and head, the pain medicine finally having an effect as well.

They finished off the plate and then moved the tray to the floor and off to the side, Sirius nursing his lukewarm tea in both hands. He looked at the cup with unfocussed eyes, staring blankly ahead. He became aware once more when Remus gripped his ankle and said his name in a soft voice. Sirius looked up then, whisky eyes meeting grey.

“Are you feeling any better?”

“Some, thanks. The tea really helped. Remind me to thank Kreacher later, if we can find him.”

“Sure.”

“Remus?”

“Yes?”

“I’m really glad you’re here.”

“Me too, Sirius. Me too.”

******************************

Thursday morning brought them a nice reprieve in the weather, weak but clear sunlight breaking through the clouds and prompting a snowman building contest between Sirius and Remus. Harry was sat to one side of the back yard, small mountains of snow shuffled together and snow covering one of his booted feet. He was working on the other foot, but kept twitching it and loosening the snow he piled on top.

Remus was rolling a ball for the middle of his snowman, while Sirius had decided to make a miniature version of Harry, complete with an extra hat he grabbed from inside.

“You’re cheating, Pads. Yours is much smaller than mine, and I’ve still got two balls to go!”

“Two balls, eh? Pffft.”

“Shut up! You know what I meant!”

“Of course, of course. Sorry.”

“You’re not sorry in the least, don’t lie. Can you help me lift this last one on?”

“You’re taller than I am, why do you need my help? Oh, I see. You need my muscles, right?”

“Yes, Sirius, I need your muscles. You are so much stronger than I, werewolf that I am.”

“Shut up! Rude, that’s what you are! See if I help you now that you’ve insulted me. I could hear the sarcasm, Moony!”

Sirius crossed his arms and gave his most pronounced pout, which made Remus laugh so hard he almost fell over. Sirius shook his head and went to help him lift the head on to the snowman, which stood close to his own height. It wobbled before Remus grabbed a fistful of snow and jammed the cracks full of the loose powder, patting the head into place on the middle ball. They stood a few feet back from it, eyeing it up and checking for any leaning.

“Well, that went better than I thought! Now it's down to decorating. You’d better get a move on, Pads, or I’ll end up beating you.”

“Lies! I am by far the superior snow master! My skills rival those of Merlin himself!”

“Do they? By the looks of your snow kids' arm, I beg to differ.”

“Dammit! You distracted me! That wouldn’t have fallen off if I hadn’t helped you!”

“Of course, blame the werewolf. It couldn’t have been that toddler with a suspicious amount of snow in his mouth, oh no.”

“Harry! How dare you! You tore off snow-Harry’s arm! Does that count as cannibalism, do you think?”

“Maybe. Oh no, he’s back. Look out, Sirius!”

Harry snuck up behind Sirius and pushed hard on the back of his knees, sending the man off balance and into his creation. The snow kid didn’t stand a chance against a grown man and a toddler, their combined weight crushing it quite effectively.

“Harr-ee help! Pads, Harr-ee help!”

Sirius had his face in the snow, shoulders shaking with repressed laughter. He turned his head to the side and Harry scooted to sit on his back, taking fistfuls of snow and rubbing into Sirius’ hatless head. 

“You sure did, sprog. Though your version of help and mine are vastly different. Ack, that’s cold!”

“I win then, it looks like.”

“Only because mine has been destroyed! A victory by default doesn’t count!

“A victory by default is still a victory, Padfoot. I hereby declare myself Snowman Champion!”

“Noooo! Lies! Deceit! Cheater!”

“Don’t be a sore loser, it doesn’t become you. Think of poor Harry, witness to your defeat. Don’t teach him poor manners!”

“Blasphemy! Harry knows better than that, right sprog? You wouldn’t cheat like old Moony here, would you?”

“Moon-ee! Moon-ee!” 

Remus couldn’t help but laugh, and soon all three of them sat in the cold snow, mounds of the destroyed snow kid turned into little hills for a toy car Harry found under a leafless bush. 

“I reckon we’ve been out here longer enough, eh Moony? I can’t feel my fingers or toes and I’m certain my ears have fallen off. Think of my poor earless head, Moony!”

“Ear!” Harry yelled, pointing at his own. 

“Good job, Harry, that is your ear! Should we go inside and have some hot chocolate?”

“Choccy!” 

“That sure caught his attention. I’ve never seen him run so fast. Oi, wotcher, Harry! Don’t fall!”

“Choccy, Pads! Now!”

“You heard him, Padfoot. Choccy, post haste!”

“See if I make you any, you lazy wolf.”

“Lazy? How dare you?”

“No, what are you doing? I’m sorry, you’re not lazy! Remus, I didn’t mean it, stop!”

Remus threw Sirius to the ground, having hoisted the man over his shoulder and walked to a snow drift. Sirius landed with a loud shout, snow up to his armpits and face flushed attractively in indignation. Remus stood over him, arms crossed and an eyebrow raised. Harry was at the back door, repeating ‘choccy, choccy’ while kicking a snow covered rock.

“Say you’re sorry, Padfoot.”

“What? You threw me in the snow! You should apologize! Are you daft?”

“You called me lazy, and I take great offense to that sort of slander.”

“Oh-ho, how remiss of me. I should have called you an arse!”

“Sirius, you had best rethink that apology. Harry is bound to break his foot if he kicks that rock for any longer. Aren’t you cold? All I need is for you to say that you’re sorry.”

“Fine! I’m sorry I called you lazy; are you happy now?”

“Ecstatic. See you inside!”

“Hey, you aren’t gonna help me up? My legs are covered in snow! Rude, Lupin!”

****************

That night, after many cups of hot chocolate and a hearty potato soup with hunks of crusty sourdough bread for supper, the three of them were settled in the sitting room, Harry playing on the rug and the men on opposite sides of the sofa, turned so that their feet met in the middle. The fireplace let out a shower of sparks, drawing their attention to the now-green flames. Albus Dumbledore’s head appeared, his half-moon spectacles balanced on his nose. Harry got up at once and clambered onto Sirius’ lap, eyes wide.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you, Harry. Good evening, gentlemen, Harry.”

“Sir. Can we help you?”

“Oh no, this isn’t that kind of call. I have a message for you from Molly and Arthur Weasley. They would like for you to join them tomorrow afternoon for tea! Arthur asked for your address to send an owl, but well, Fidelius Charm and all that.”

“Er, thanks? Have we got any plans for tomorrow, Remus?”

“Uh, no?”

“Excellent! I will tell them to expect you all tomorrow around 1?”

“Uh-”

“Well-”

“Wonderful! I’ll talk to you both later, yes? Goodbye!”

Albus’ head vanished and the flames went back to their red and orange glow, Remus, Sirius and Harry staring at the fireplace in silence.

“It looks like we’re going to The Burrow tomorrow for tea.”

“Right. Tea at 1. Oh no. Moony, what should I wear?!”

“Really, Sirius?”

“What should Harry wear? What are you going to wear?”

“Harry, he’s lost it.”

“Yes.”

“What does one wear for tea? Robes? Denim?”

Remus and Harry shared a look, Sirius mumbling to himself and flailing his arms about. Remus was sure that Harry agreed with him; the boy was far smarter than he looked.

*********************


	4. 4 December-12 December 1981

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we are, the week before the full moon. Have some angst!

“Andy! You’re looking as lovely as ever, dear cousin!”

Andromeda Tonks stood from her wrought-iron chair at the cafe’ they had decided on for an early breakfast, arms extended for a warm hug, the scent of Chanel N. 5 wafting to his nostrils. Her brown hair was tied in a loose chignon at the nape of her neck, hints of grey streaked at her temples. 

“Sirius, how good to see you! Shall we go in and find our table? The sun was out when I arrived, but as you can see, it’s gone now. Shame; we haven’t had ample sunshine in weeks.”

He laughed and pulled away, happy to see his favorite cousin. In all honesty, she was the only family member that he could stand to be around, and even though she had been a Slytherin, she was always so kind and generous with him. He held out his arm and she tucked her hand into his elbow, a large handbag slung over her opposite shoulder. They entered the cafe and were led to a small table with a single rose in a slender vase and a cream cloth laid over the top. He pulled out her chair and then sat across from her.

They were given menus and iced water and then told that their waiter would be with them momentarily. Andy only held her menu for a few moments before placing it down, and then cast a quick _muffliato_ around the perimeter of their table. Sirius lowered in his menu and met her chocolate brown eyes.

“You didn’t tell me very much in your letter, other than your request for my expertise. You mentioned a ‘friend’ but this task wasn’t easy, cousin, which you well know. Care to explain? You’ll get your potion either way, but humor me, please. I’m itching for adventure and intrigue now that little Nymphadora is 9 and doesn’t seem to need me anymore.” Her pink lips pursed in a fake pout, a mischievous sparkle in her eyes.

He let out an over dramatic sigh and turned his gaze to the ceiling, a smile curling the sides of his mouth. 

“I’m sorry to tell you this, but there's nothing overly intriguing or mysterious behind this. My good friend is in need of the benefits the wolfsbane provides.”

“Your ‘good friend’? Who is the lucky lady? The ingredients weren’t cheap, which you well know, so this wouldn’t be given to just anyone.”

He shook his head before meeting her eyes and rested his elbows on the table, folding his hands under his chin. This time his sigh was real, and he could feel his cheeks heat with a light blush.

“I never could keep secrets from you, cousin. Your logic is sound, though my ‘lady’ is a gentleman. We’ve been friends since first year, though our relationship is far from the romantic one you’ve made up in your head.”

“Do I detect a hint of longing?”

“I… dammit, yes. I would love for our relationship to go beyond friendship, but the feelings are fully on my side. He could never feel the same; why would he?”

“You sell yourself short, Sirius.”

“Ha. Someone dear to me said the same thing a few years back.”

“Years? Good Godric, who is this young man that’s had your heart for so long?”

“His name is Remus.”

“Oh ho! Remus; that sounds like a wonderfully manly name-”

“Hello! My name is Bruce and I’ll be your server this morning. Have you decided what you would like, or did you need more time?”

“Er, more time, please. Sorry!”

“No problem, sir! I’ll be back around in a few minutes to check on you both.”

Bruce walked away, and as soon as he was gone, Andy reached for his hand. She gave his fingers a gentle squeeze before letting go and picking up her menu. He did the same, staring at the glossy booklet before settling for a small omelet. 

“He can’t afford the potion on his own, and I want to do everything I can to help him. I just want him to be happy, Andy.”

“I understand. I feel the same way about Ted. Have you tried to talk to Remus, and let him know how you feel? You might be surprised!”

“Oh Merlin, no! That would only end in tears; I am not an attractive crier. No, I won’t burden him with how I feel.”

“If you’re sure..”

“I am. I’ve thought about it, of course I have, but there’s no scenario where we live happily ever after. I did something horrible in sixth year, and he said he forgave me, but it was stupid and selfish, and it hurt him. I can’t imagine that he would love me as more than a friend after all of that.”

“I’m sorry, Sirius.”

Bruce walked back over and took their order, and then promised to return soon with their food. Andy turned the conversation towards her husband and daughter; small anecdotes that made him laugh and distracted him from thoughts of Remus. Before long Bruce dropped off their breakfasts; an omelet for him and a raspberry scone and fresh fruit for his cousin. When they had finished, Sirius paid their bill and escorted Andy outside. She turned to him when they got to the pavement, and laid a delicate hand on his chest.

“Don’t give up on him, Sirius. I still think that you should talk to him about how you feel, but I understand your hesitation. Maybe leave little hints or try to flirt? I’ll make the potion every month as long as you pay for the ingredients, and hopefully this will help. I love you. Be well.”

“Thank you, Andy. I love you, too. I’ll try and visit you sometime in the new year, after Harry has had time to settle a bit more.”

She pulled out a large cauldron and handed it to him, the contents dark with blue wispy smoky swirling around the top. He could see the subtle shimmer of stasis and containment charms, and gave her a wide smile in return.

“That sounds fine. I’ll be looking for your owl in January, then. Goodbye, cousin.”

“Bye. Thanks again!” 

They waved goodbye before separating, and Sirius turned towards home. He couldn’t wait to see Moony and Harry, even though he had only been gone for a few hours. Remus had talked about taking Harry to a nearby library, and he wondered if they had found anything to borrow. 

He arrived at home after 20 minutes, glad that it wasn’t snowing or too windy. He hated the cold, especially when a handsome werewolf or cuddly toddler wasn’t there to offer a distraction. His townhome slid into place as he came near, and he bounded up the steps with the cauldron in his arms. Sirius opened the front door, calling “Hello? Moony? Are you home?”

He could hear the pounding of tiny feet from the floor above, and he smiled as he removed his coat, hat, gloves and boots. He took the cauldron with him upstairs, his smile growing wider the closer he got to Harry’s bouncing form, the toddler shaking the slats of the gate and yelling “Pads! Pads home! Padspadspadspads!”

“Hullo, sprog! Did you and Moony go to the library while I was gone?”

“Yes! Books, pads! Harr-ee books!”

“How wonderful! Where is our Moony, eh?”

Harry took his free hand and pulled him into the sitting room where Remus sat in one of the arm chairs by the window, a steaming mug of tea in his hand and a book laid spine up in his lap. Remus smiled at them, Harry rushing to a small cloth bag leaning against the sofa.

“How was breakfast with Andromeda?”

“It was nice, honestly. She told me a little about Nymphadora, her daughter, and promised that she would continue to make this for you.” Sirius lifted the cauldron slightly, and Remus’ eyes dropped to rest on it in Sirius’ hand. Happiness shone in his amber eyes, a small smile tugging at his plush lips. 

“I’m so glad, Padfoot. The closer I get to the full, the more excited I become. I’m trying to reign it in, of course, but so much will be different if this is successful. I’ve never looked forward to the moon, but a part of me wants it to come so I can try this wolfsbane out.”

“Nothing wrong with wanting something like this, Moony.”

“I know, I know. It won’t stop the transformation from hurting, but if I can retain even a tiny smidgen of control…” Remus shrugged elegantly and brought his mug to this mouth, taking a healthy swallow. 

Sirius nodded and turned to take the cauldron to Remus’ room, Harry taking the books from the sack and stacking them as high as he could, a sinister cackle bursting from deep in his chest as they fell over and over again. 

The boy still had moments where sadness seemed to settle like a dark cloud over his tiny frame, days where all that they could do to console his endless tears was hug him tightly and lay together in Sirius’ bed, Harry snug between them. It had been almost 3 weeks since Sirius had brought him here, with Remus following a few days later. Luckily, Harry still slept most nights clear through until morning, having only awoken once or twice in all that time. 

He pushed open the door to Remus’ room, and tried not to focus on what was left over from his little brother. He could see Slytherin green and silver from the corner of his eye as he hurried to the nightstand by the bed and carefully placed the cauldron upon it. He noted that the room didn’t seem very different from when he had lived next door as a teenager, a dull ache settling in his ribcage as he remembered how distant he had grown from Regulus, even before he had been kicked out. 

He spun around and made to leave, but something on the desk by the door caught his eye and he stepped closer to get a better look. A leatherbound journal and a beautiful fountain pen rested in the center, but his attention was drawn to a small picture frame set against the back, surrounded by a random assortment of items. The picture had been taken by a Muggle camera, and he could vaguely recall how Remus had turned up with one their last year of school, the odd rectangular contraption secured around his slender neck with leather straps. He had taken so many photos that year, and one such photo rested in the frame before him.

It was of the four Marauders and Lily, the background lit up with orange and red hues, the sun clearly sinking in the distance. From the far left, Lily stood with her arm wrapped around James’ waist and a wide smile across her mouth. Next to James was Peter, with Remus and then Sirius at the end on the right. Remus had his head turned though, and was looking at Sirius with an odd expression on his face. Sirius leaned closer, bent in half at the waist as he stared at the photo, heart hammering in his chest. 

The Remus from the photo was staring at the side of Sirius’ face, the tawny haired boy’s whisky eyes looked almost _sad,_ his mouth set in a subtle pout, and had one hand stretched out behind Sirius’ back, hovering over his shoulder. Photo Sirius smiled at the camera, a cheesy grin spread across his face, one eyebrow tilted up in a ridiculous curve. Sirius reached out a trembling finger and caressed photo Remus’ face, his tongue heavy as lead in his mouth.

Was it longing that shined in the other’s eyes, like his heart hoped? Or something else entirely, his conversation with Andy playing tricks on his besotted mind? He stood tall and drew in a ragged breath, hands clenched at his sides. He tried to recall when the photo had been taken, but couldn’t find the memory, blurred as they all were in one amalgamation of impromptu photo shoots and laughter. He wished that he could go back and shake some sense into Peter and Regulus, tell them that they were loved, and valued, and that they were all _family_.

He walked from Remus’ room to his own, sitting on the side of the bed, gaze turned blearily to the wall ahead. Was that the year that Peter had gone to the other side? Had he begun plotting his betrayal even then? Peter had not been far from his thoughts, though he tried not to dwell on his once brother-turned-murderer, the anger and despair too much to handle when he had Harry to raise now, and the man that he loved sleeping in the room next door.

He wanted to confront Peter, but the damned man had evaded capture for over a month, most likely hiding in his Animagus form with the other rats. He hoped Peter was afraid, and that he could feel the pain left by James and Lily’s death. Had he even considered what telling Voldemort their location would do to Harry, or had he ruled the child as collateral damage, not even worth a second thought? He had wanted Sirius to take the blame, which he would have, had Dumbledore not stood as a witness during his trial. 

Dumbledore had pushed for the Wizengamot to use Veritaserum and the _Prior Incantato_ spell, and swore that Sirius could not have committed the murders of people he considered brother and sister in all but blood. He owed the old man his literal freedom, and some small part of him wondered when he would come to collect his pound of flesh. 

Sirius became aware that too much time had passed since he had come up here, and that he should really be downstairs with Remus and Harry, and not stuck in his own head cycling through questions he couldn’t answer and regret churning in his belly. He stood on shaking legs and slowly walked to the 1st floor, leaning just out of sight from the doorway. 

Remus had Harry in his lap, a picture book spread across the boy’s knees, his jade eye wide and mouth dropped open. From where he stood, the book had drawings of dragons spread on both pages, though they didn’t quite look like the ones that roamed the wizarding world. Remus was reading from small print in the right hand corner, his voice low and soothing, Harry’s attention well and truly caught. 

The love he felt for Remus filled his entire being, the often present wish for reciprocation battering against his bruised heart and leaving a sense of loss and melancholy in its wake. He wanted so badly for Remus to love him back, or for there to be the smallest possibility that he could grow to feel the same. Remus was everything Sirius himself was not; kind to a fault, forgiving and just, and so _good_ even after life had taken so much away from him. He should be angry, and full of vengeance, but he wasn’t. His soul shone with the brightness of a thousand stars; he loved those that earned his trust so much, and Sirius envied the person who would one day hold Remus’ heart in their hands.

That picture upstairs was just a snapshot of their last year, a moment in time where they were whole and happy and carefree. He was projecting his feelings like the idiot he knew himself to be, and the little flare of hope that he had clung to disappeared, much like smoke on a windy day. Remus would never love someone so selfish as himself, not when someone worthy of him was out there, unaware of the gift they would one day be in possession of. It wasn’t healthy to obsess over his only friend like this, and he knew that when Remus eventually found the person that would get to love and hold and kiss him like Sirius yearned to, his own heart would shatter and break.

Losing James and Lily was like losing a limb, and there would always be holes in his soul where they once rested. When Remus grew tired of playing house with the loathsome and spoiled man-child that Sirius was, the pain of his departure would be so much worse. They would probably stay friends, at least at first, but Remus would drift away, and one day Sirius and this time they lived together would be naught but a distant memory. He would leave, as they all tended to, and Sirius would be left behind, gutted and lost, his unwanted love left behind. 

The inevitable loss of Remus was not here yet, so he would take mental snapshots of their time together and hold the memories close to his chest, and hope that when the other man left, Sirius would have enough to keep him company for the desolate years after. He would keep quiet about how he felt, no matter what Andy told him, and would try not to let Remus know, lest he felt compelled to lie and stay out of obligation. That would hurt more than leaving would; Remus pretending to love him, growing more and more bitter and full of hatred the longer he forced himself to stay.

Sirius knew that without Remus his own life would hold little meaning. He would do all he could to care for Harry, but Sirius’ needs would fall to the wayside. He knew with deadly certainty that he would never love another the way he loved Remus, or even close. Remus was _it_ for him, the one his heart cried out for in the dead of night while he lay alone in his too-big bed. There would never be another that could take Remus’ place, and Sirius would leave this world with half of his soul torn asunder, fallen to rest with his beautiful werewolf. 

Remus rose his head then, likely sensing Sirius lingering in the hall, a crooked smile beckoning him forward like a moth to flame. Sirius followed the siren call of his broken heart, sinking by Remus’ feet to rest his head on the man’s knee, closing his eyes when he felt gentle fingers sift through his hair. His throat was tight with repressed emotion, and he was fighting back tears, but lost the battle when Remus continued to read and laid his scarred hand on the nape of Sirius’ neck, tears trailing down his face behind the curtain of his loose hair. The touch was tender and if Sirius didn’t know better, he would think it felt loving. Remus saw him like a brother, and loved him just the same. It could never be what he wanted, but it would have to be enough.

*********************

They apparated into a field near the Weasley home, lovingly dubbed ‘The Burrow’ by the large family and their close friends. Harry gave a small whimper of discomfort in Remus’ arms, and the man shushed him while bobbing the boy on his left hip. Sirius was silent next to him as he had been for most of the morning, and he hoped that everything was alright. Maybe Andromeda had told him something worrisome, or he felt sick? Sirius wasn’t one to stay quiet for long, and Remus hoped that he would tell him if something was truly wrong.

They walked to the ramshackle house, levels stacked atop one another in a hodge-podge sort of way, charming in its eccentricity. A tall child with flaming red hair answered the door after Sirius knocked; the boy yelled “MUM! DOOR!” and then turned away, running up the stairs and out of sight.

Molly Weasley ambled over, a small bundle held in her arms. The bundle cooed and squirmed, revealing a baby no older than 6 months old, red hair that matched the boy and its mother. Molly gave them a weary but happy smile and invited them in, and they followed her to an overstuffed living room full of couches and armchairs. Molly took the far chair and settled down with an audible ‘oof’. 

She gestured at the couch opposite and they all sat, Harry down climbing from Remus’ lap and wobbling over to a colorful collection of toys in the corner. 

“I’m so glad that you boys could come. I know it's very short notice, but I tried to send owls and they kept returning. Arthur reached out to Dumbledore and well, here we are!” The baby gurgled and let out a sharp cry before falling silent. Harry turned his head and looked at Molly with a confused look upon his face, but the new toys proved to be far more interesting. 

Sirius let out a quiet laugh, his shoulders seeming to loosen the longer they sat, the rigidity falling away.

“I was glad to hear from you both; we’ve been a bit distracted with Harry and everything, but this is really nice. You’re a great conversationalist, Moony, but even you can admit we need to be around others more.”

“I agree. New faces are certainly nice to see. Harry seems to be comfortable so that is one less thing to worry about.”

“The poor dear. I was so sad to hear about James and Lily. They were wonderful, loving people, and they will be sorely missed. I’m glad that Harry has the two of you.”

“Thank you, Molly. And who might this be?”

Sirius leaned forward, looking towards the baby in her arms. 

“Oh, this is Ginevra, though we call her Ginny. She was born in August. It only took 6 boys before we finally had a little girl. She’s been such a good baby; so calm and eats like a champ. Ron didn’t have half of her appetite, I swear! Ron is still napping, but he’ll be up soon. Would you like to hold her, Sirius?”

Sirius was up and at her chair faster than Remus thought, Ginny held gently in his lean arms. He smiled down at the baby, his eyes soft and a smile gracing his plump lips. The sight hit Remus in a way that he didn’t expect; his loins tightened and felt hot, his dick surging to a half chub in his trousers. 

He wanted to see Sirius holding _their_ baby, a sweet, tiny combination of them both. Moony roared in his head, the want transformed into a desperate need. Sirius would look so bloody sexy with his belly swollen with their cub, one that Remus would have fucked into him, his seed taking root inside of his mate for all those around them to see. 

Remus suddenly couldn’t breathe, his heart galloping in his chest and Moony clawing at the barrier erected in his mind. [ **_Mine!]_ ** The wolf growled. [ **_Our mate. Fill him with our cum until it drips from his gaping hole; plant a pup in his womb and watch his body ripen. Minemineminemine_ **-]

_Stop! Please, just stop! Sirius isn’t ours! He will never be ours!_ Remus begged, glad that Sirius and Molly were still occupied with baby Ginny. [ **_Not mine?_ ** ] Moony whined, and Remus had to wonder if the dose of wolfsbane he had gagged down earlier was to blame for this sudden voice in his head. He had always been able to feel the wolf inside of his mind, but an entire conversation was new. [ **_We can’t have him?_ ** ] _No, we can’t. He isn’t ours._ [ **_He smells like mate! Why?!_ ** ] _He doesn’t want us. He’ll never want us._ Moony whimpered and fell silent, his presence fading away. 

He came back to the present when Sirius sat next to him on the sofa, their thighs touching, Ginny fast asleep in his arms. He _wanted_ with every fibre of his being, and as the baby opened and closed her mouth in sleep, Remus struggled to reign in his swift and sudden arousal. He prayed that his momentary lapse was only a side effect of the wolfsbane potion, and the new connection he felt with his wolf wouldn’t linger past this first week. 

He leaned a little harder towards the man he knew was unobtainable, his heart sore and mind in turmoil. 

“She’s so small, Moony, lookit her little fingers. Was Harry this small?”

“I’m certain that he was, Padfoot. Molly, she’s absolutely beautiful.”

“Yes, I have to agree, boys. Oh, there’s Ron! I’ll be right back.”

Molly left the room, Harry’s attention turning to them as the woman walked past him and to the stairs. Harry stood and shuffled forward, his brow creased in confusion once more. He peered on tiptoes at the baby in his godfather’s arm, his hands balanced on the couch to stretch and see clearly.

“What that?”

“This is Ginny, Harry. She’s a baby.”

“Harr-ee baby?”

“No, little love. This is Molly’s baby.”

“Baby sleep?”

“Yes.”

“‘Kay. Play now, Rem.”

“Go ahead, Harry. Molly is bringing you a friend; his name is Ron. I think you two could be best mates.”

“Ron play? Wit’ Harr-ee?”

“I bet he would, sprog! Go on and find something to show him, yeah?” Sirius whispered, at last turning his gaze from the red-haired girl to his godson, smiling at the little boy with love oozing from his pores. Harry spun around and sat by the toys once more, making a small pile to either side of his outstretched legs.

Remus finally felt as if he could meet Sirius’ eyes without jumping on the poor man and ravaging him, one scarred finger caressing Ginny’s velvety soft cheek. The baby stirred and then settled once more, Sirius tightening his hold on the precious bundle. 

Molly returned, a sleepy Ron cradled against her hip. HIs red hair was short and fuzzy-looking, standing upright in a way that defied gravity, his blue eyes hazy with sleep. She set the boy beside Harry, who looked at his new companion with wide eyes. Remus wondered if Harry had had many chances to be around other children, but couldn’t remember if Lily had mentioned any playdates since his birth. James and Lily had moved to Godric’s Hollow when they had wed, and had stayed in hiding for most of Harry’s first year. 

“Hi.” Ron yawned, and reached for a toy near Harry’s left foot. Harry jerked his leg back and said nothing to the other boy, his jade eyes wide and shocked at the audacity of the other child’s closeness. 

“Pads?” Remus whispered, meeting Sirius’ eyes quickly as they both watched Harry and Ron interact. Sirius smiled widely and stood, handing Ginny back to her mother before crouching on Harry’s other side.

“This is Ron, sprog. He can be your new friend, if you’d like. Maybe even your best friend! Moony is my best friend, and he’s aces. Can you say hi to Ron for me?”

“H-hi Ron.”

“There you go! Ron, what’s your favorite toy? Can you show Harry?”

Ron grabbed a stuffed lion from another pile and handed it to the other boy, who took it before staring intently at the animal. 

“Issa lion.”

“Lion.” Harry parroted, and then grinned before lunging for a plastic lion just out of reach. He gave it to Ron, and then they were off, sitting side by side and chattering away in the language of toddlers.

Sirius rose from his crouch, arching his back with a loud _pop_ of several vertebrae realigning. Molly waved her wand toward the kitchen, several plates and platters coming into the room, sandwiches and pastries piled high atop them. A tea pot and 3 mugs soon followed, one landing by each adult as they settled with various foods in their laps. Harry and Ron came over eventually and sat on their knees in front of a low coffee table in the middle of the room, child-safe cups appearing by their elbows with milk and colorful straws.

“Bill, Charlie and Percy are upstairs and the twins are at a friends’ house until supper. It’s so nice to have you both here to keep me company. I love my children, but they get to be a bit much before too long. At least the older three can keep themselves entertained for the most part; Percy learned to read this summer and hasn’t stopped!”

“It sounds like you definitely have your hands full, Molly. How has Arthur been?”

“He’s been just fine, thanks for asking. Ever since You-know-who up and vanished, Arthur has been home more and seems less stressed. I couldn’t fault him for the missions he took up for Dumbledore; I’m just glad that my husband is in one piece and comes home every night.”

They made small talk for the next hour or so, Remus offering to take the dishes back into the kitchen while Molly breastfed Ginny under a blanket. The boys went back to the pile of toys, and before long it was almost 3 o’clock. Remus and Sirius shared a look, and Remus knew that now would be the best time to speak with Molly about the large favor they had.

“Um, Molly?”

“Yes, Remus?”

“I-I need to speak with you about something. It’s… I mean to say… I have a rather large favor to ask of you, but please feel free to say no. Please don’t feel as if you need to say yes-”

“Jesus, Moony. Breathe, man. Molly, you know about Remus’ monthly, er, problem, yeah?”

“Sirius! You can’t just say things like that!”

“Boys, please. Relax. Yes, I know about your ‘monthly problem’, Remus.”

“W-what?”

“Dumbledore mentioned that there was a werewolf in the Order, and I’m sorry, dear, but you seemed the most likely candidate. You’ve always looked peaky after the moon, and your scars… I would never assume anything, of course…”

“It doesn’t bother you?” 

“No, Remus, of course not. You’re still the same person you’ve always been.”

“I-”

Sirius took his hand and held it between both of his own, and Remus turned to look at him, his eyes hazy with unshed tears. As far back as he could remember, no one except for the Marauders and McGonagall had so readily accepted him as soon as they were made aware of what he became on the full moon. Sirius’ grey eyes were crinkled at the corners and a small smile graced his mouth. He then addressed Molly, giving Remus time to gather himself.

“We were hoping that you might be able to help us with Harry around the full moons. It would be the day of and the day after, so Remus could have a chance to recover. We are more than willing to offer our services in return, of course! We could come here and watch the little ones while you and Arthur go for a date, or if you wanted a lie-in.”

“I’m sure that Arthur would be delighted to have the chance to take me out! We haven’t had a proper date in heaven knows how long! When is the next full moon then?”

“The 11th. We’re sorry for the short notice; we haven’t really thought much farther than what we would have for supper most nights, better yet what we would do for the fulls. We were able to acquire that new wolfsbane potion, and until we know the side effects, we’re not comfortable having Harry around.”

“That won’t be any trouble at all! Ron seems to like Harry well enough, and the 12th is Charlie’s birthday party. One more child won’t be difficult to add in, and I reckon with a gift brought along, Charlie would hardly care if it came from a baby.”

“You’re absolutely certain?” Remus asked her, his hand having shifted from between both of Sirius’ to one of them, their fingers twined together and held tightly. 

“Of course! I promise that I wouldn’t say yes if I didn’t mean it. You can drop Harry off before breakfast and we can make a whole day of it. What time would you pick him up on Saturday?”

“Before supper, as long as Remus feels ok, if that works for you. We’ll drop in and then take him home.”

“Nonsense! You are both expected for supper on Saturday, as long as you feel up to traveling, Remus. Please, it’ll be nice to have other adults around; you’d be doing me a favor!”

“Thank you so much, honestly. You’ve no idea how helpful this is.”

“Don’t be daft, Sirius. I want to help you both, seeing as you’ve had so much happen in so little time. We’d love to have Harry with us on the full moons, at least until you find a better solution. I will be taking you up on your offer of babysitting, though, so get ready to handle my little brood here.”

The matter now settled, Molly used her wand to bring over a pot of tea. Sirius offered to take the boys outside to play in the garden, to which the boys hollered and ran to the door. When they had left the house, Remus sank into the cushion and released a shaky breath, a new teacup clenched in one hand on his lap.

“Are you alright, Remus?”

“Y-yes, thank you. It’s never easy, admitting what I am. Most people get uncomfortable, but I should have expected differently from you.”

“You’re more than just a werewolf, Remus. That only happens once a month; it doesn’t define you unless you let it. Ever since Gideon and Fabian died, I’ve come to realize so many things, and I refuse to adhere to the horrible things people like the Death Eaters believe.”

“You’re too kind, Molly. Thank you again for your help. I know that Sirius has been worried about next week, and he would have stayed with Harry if we couldn't figure something out.”

He took a sip of his cooling tea and then immediately choked when Molly spoke.

“How long have you been together?”

He coughed and swung his head around, meeting her gaze while tears streamed down his face as he gasped for breath. He croaked out “Pardon?” before another coughing fit set him off again. 

“You and Sirius? How long have the two of you been together? Are you alright? Do you need some water?”

He waved his hand at her in dismissal and then finally caught his breath. 

“W-whatever gave you the idea that Sirius and I were together?”

“Erm, it’s just that you both seem so close, and you’re raising Harry together, and holding hands on my couch, so I thought…”

“No! We’re not… we are doing those things, yes, but we’re not an item, Molly.”

“Oh! Oh my goodness, I’ve never been so embarrassed! I’m so sorry, Remus! No wonder you choked!”

“I-it’s fine, don’t worry. Just don’t say anything to Sirius, please. I’d rather not have him pass out from laughter. It was an honest mistake!”

“I really am sorry, Remus. That’s what I get for assuming things!”

“The lads and I were always a bit close, so I understand how things like holding hands would make you think that we were t-together. We’ve been friends since we were 11 and Sirius has always been affectionate.”

“Can I ask you something, dear?”

“Yes?”

“Why do you think that Sirius would laugh if I told him about what I thought?”

“Why wouldn’t he? Honestly, Molly, it’s not like we could actually be a couple. He’s completely out of my league, for one thing; have you seen him? Compared to the girls he used to date at school, I’m chopped liver. It's just not possible. No matter that I-” he stopped talking, his cup shaking in his hand, tea spilling over and landing on his trousers. He had never admitted aloud how he felt, and here he was, blabbing like a fool over tea?

Molly transfigured a small pillow into an enclosed cot and laid Ginny inside before coming over and settling next to him on the couch. Remus placed the cup on the table in front of him and gripped his knees with both hands, throat tight with dread and shame. She didn’t try to touch him, which he was thankful for, as he could feel angry tears building and the last thing he wanted to do was cry.

“How long have you loved him?” she asked, her voice soft and laced with kindness.

He didn’t deserve her kindness; he was a werewolf, and the last thing he would ever have was a happy ending. His kind didn’t get happily-ever-afters _especially him_ , no matter how badly his soul positively _ached_ for its other half. He couldn’t say the words out loud, had never said them anywhere other than inside his head. He shook his head side to side in denial, nails cutting into the material covering his legs.

“I don’t-”

“Remus. What are you so afraid of?”

“What am I afraid of? Molly, if he knows that I… he’ll leave, Molly! He’ll take Harry and he’ll leave, and I’ll be alone!” his voice was a hoarse whisper, Molly having to lean close to hear him.

“I can’t be alone anymore; please don’t say anything to him. Please, Molly. I won’t survive if he leaves, I’m not strong enough. Please.”

He was crying now; he could feel the tears escaping from his closed eyes and dripping onto the backs of his hands. Remus could tell that he was shaking, but everything felt far away. _Please, please, let me stay with him. Don’t give him any reason to send me away!_

“Remus, love. I won’t say anything, I promise. Take a deep breath, please. There you go, easy now. Just breathe for me, yeah?”

He focussed on her voice, and became aware of a soft blanket draped over his shoulders, his head nestled against Molly’s shoulder. How long had he sat like a fool, crying over a schoolboy crush? God, what must she think of him now; the stupid werewolf in love with a prince? For that’s what Sirius was; a Prince. He was so handsome, and kind, and could have anyone he wanted. Why would someone so perfect settle for someone like him, broken and torn asunder as he was? 

He cried harder in her arms, glad that Sirius was outside, the distant sound of children laughing coming in from the window. It wouldn’t be smart for the other man to see him like this, sobbing like a baby over his stupid feelings. He wished that he didn’t feel this way, that he could set aside the love he held for Sirius. Why couldn’t he just love him like a friend, like he was able to with James and Peter, before everything went awry? 6 years was a very long time to harbor feelings that could never be returned, so why did he stubbornly hold on to them? Was he really so vain that some small part of him thought Sirius would feel the same?

“Oh, love. You haven’t told anyone, have you? That you love him? You’re breaking my heart, dear. Just breathe, I’m here.”

The last of his tears finally stopped, his body sagging heavily in her arms. 

“N-no one c-can ever know, M-molly. Please!”

“Shh, I won’t say a word, trust me. Drink some tea, Remus. I’m sorry, dear. I didn’t mean for this to happen. I’ll keep my mouth shut next time, yeah? I’m too nosy for my own good.”

He raised the cup back to his lips, steam curling on the top, and took a drink. The warmth spread through him, and he could feel his senses coming back, embarrassment the strongest emotion. 

“I’m sorry. I think it’s the upcoming full, and this blasted new potion. I’ve been on edge since this morning. I’m not usually prone to crying fits, I swear.”

“Don’t worry about it, please. It happens to the best of us. You must have really needed it.”

He said nothing while he finished his tea, holding the blanket closed with his other hand, the soft material clenched over his chest. When he felt like he was finally clear-headed, he cleared his throat and glanced up at Molly through his bangs.

“Thanks for this, Molly. It’s been a secret for so long, I guess I was bound to crack eventually. I feel a bit better now, what with the tea and all.”

Ginny whimpered in her little cot, Molly grabbing her straight away and holding the baby to her bosom, until she stopped crying and opened her eyes. Her eyes were brown, unlike her brother Ron and her mother. Ginny met his own amber eyes and gave him a gummy smile.

“Would you like to hold her? She’s not too squirmy at this age, so you won’t drop her or anything.”

Before he could respond the baby was in his arms, her head nestled in the crook of his elbow. She was so small, and weighed next to nothing compared to the toddler he’d been lugging around recently. His other hand swept her hair back, the soft strands like gossamer wings atop her head.  
  


“Hullo, Ginny. My name is Remus. What a pretty smile you’ve got!”

“She likes you! She really is such a good baby. Ron had colic for months, but she’s been an angel. She rolls over already and loves to hold toys.”

He listened to Molly wax poetically about her daughter while he focussed on the baby he held. Little Ginny smiled a lot, and when he propped her up on his knee with a bracing hand around her waist, she turned her head side to side and cooed at them both. He had started his missions for Dumbledore when Harry was barely six months old, and only came back to London every 2 months. He had missed so much, one of the many things he regretted from the last year. 

Sirius and the boys trampled in before long, the clock in the kitchen chiming 4:30. Remus reluctantly gave the baby back to her mother and collected Harry and Sirius, the three of them using the Floo to go back home. They tumbled into the kitchen in the basement, dust settling heavy in the room. Harry let out an enormous sneeze, catching the attention of Kreacher from the corner. The elf grunted at them and returned to his duties, putting many different foods into the oven.

“Hi Reach!” 

“Hmph!” 

“Bye Reach!”

************************

The next 7 days flew by, and before he knew it, the day of the full moon was upon them. Remus had spent the entire week fighting with Moony in his head, the wolf possessive and hungry, its main target one Sirius Black. Remus also felt out of sorts, and had almost no control over his emotions. 

Sirius offered to take Harry to the Burrow for his sleepover, the boy more than happy to go and play with his new friend Ron. Remus lay stretched on the couch, his head resting on a throw pillow. He wore the softest set of pajamas he could find, something Sirius had surely snuck into his dresser because _he_ hadn’t paid for them. 

His entire body ached, muscles and bones sore from the impending full moon. He had finished the wolfsbane potion this morning, and was looking forward to three weeks of respite from the bitter concoction. He hoped that it would deliver the control the publications had promised, and fervently prayed to any god that would listen that the unwelcome side effect of feeling as if two inhabitants shared his mind would dissipate after tomorrow’s sunrise. 

Sirius returned, brushing Floo powder from his gold knitted sweater and light grey sweatpants. Remus tried with all of might to not stare at the outline of Sirius’ dick, but from the way the heavy bulge rested on his thigh, Remus knew that there was a distinct lack of underwear beneath. Moony prowled to the front of his mind, his hunger for flesh and bone and blood between his teeth shifting towards licking and sucking and gagging on the Animagi’s cock. 

“Alright there, Moony? You’ve got a weird look on your face.”

“Mmm. I’ll be fine, Padfoot. Everything feels _more_ today. This potion is kicking my arse with these bloody side effects. I really hope it helps me tonight. It would be nice to actually remember a full moon from memories instead of wounds.”

“I’ll be right there, either way, so try not to worry too much. I heard back from Dumbledore over breakfast this morning, and he offered the use of the Forbidden Forest if we wanted. If all goes well tonight, I don’t see a problem with staying here, and lying about the house. I’ve always wanted to fall asleep in front of the fire as Padfoot; could you imagine how dear old mum would react?”

“You’re much too excited, Sirius. She would have run you out of here before you could start snoring. The Forest should be fine. It’s much better than the Shack, anyway.”

“Urgh. That place is vile. I’m really excited for tonight, Remus. Do you think Moony remembers me?”

_As if he could ever forget you!_ Remus couldn’t remember much from the last 11 full moons, most of them spent with various werewolf packs across Europe and Russia. He knew that Moony had been confused about the whereabouts of their pack, and Remus had woken with new scars on his thighs from Moony’s teeth. He had felt the loss of Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail, but had told himself that he needed to complete the missions more than he needed his de facto pack by his side. Moony had been less than pleased.

“I’m sure that he does. I’m really hoping that it’ll be me in control, but I’m sure he’ll be glad to see you either way.”

Sirius picked up Remus’ legs and wiggled his way beneath them, his hands starting to massage Remus’ feet. Remus groaned, the sound coming from deep in his gut, surprising them both into stillness. Sirius’ fingers tensed on the arch of his foot before releasing, the other man clearing his throat and looking towards the far wall. Remus was mortified, his face hot under the arm he flung up to hide behind. Remus drew his legs up and sat hunched in the corner of the sofa, both men embarrassed but too nervous to bring it up. 

“I think I’ll go lie down for a while.”

“Yeah, me too. We’ve got a long night ahead of us.”

“Right. Yes. I’ll see you for lunch then.”

“Mm-hm.”

They stood and Sirius went up the stairs first, two spots of color high on his elegant cheekbones. Remus shoved the heels of his hands into his eyes and hoped that the rest of the day would be better. 

*****************************

Luckily, the rest of the day was uneventful, lunch a quiet affair. They ate roast beef and hearty greens, and thick rolls with melted butter, tall glasses of butterbeer washing it all down. 

Remus had spent the first hour after going upstairs this morning furiously masturbating, pulling orgasm after orgasm from his raw dick. The next hour he had teased himself, holding the orgasms at bay over and over before finally coming, the thick white strips landing on his chin, Moony roaring for his mate in his fractured mind. He had been so glad that silencing charms were some of his stronger magicks.

Sirius was full of nervous energy the closer the sun came to setting, and by 4 o’clock Remus could feel an answering hum in his bones. They decided to Floo directly to Dumbledore’s office, the older man claiming other business to explain his absence. Sunset was an hour away, so they rushed through and walked through the castle and out into the forest. They saw a few students as they went, the children curious but otherwise engaged with their studies and friends. 

The Forbidden Forest loomed at the edge of school grounds, the trees casting dark shadows on the snow at their feet. Their eyes met and the men nodded once, starting the trek deeper into the woods where a hidden glade rested. They knew the way by now, years of full moons pushing them forward, the absence of the other Marauders unacknowledged between them. 

By 4:30, they had arrived in the middle of the glade, Sirius settled against a tree trunk while Remus paced back and forth, the 29 minutes until moonrise passing both too slow and too fast. 

“Moony, come and sit with me. There’s nothing to do but wait.”

“I _can’t,_ Padfoot. It feels like there's ants under my skin. I need to _move_!” 

“Then let’s go.”

“What? Go where?”

“Let’s run!”

“Are you insane? It’s freezing out here!”

“I can change into Padfoot, so I’ll be fine. Don’t tell me that you aren’t sweating, I can see it from here. Come on, Moony!”

“Jesus. Fine! Let’s run. Blimey.”

Sirius went from tall lanky man to short, shaggy dog faster than Remus could blink, and then he sprinted away, his tongue lolling from his mouth while a sharp bark preceded his motions. Remus felt the urge to _chase_ , and listened to his instincts, running into the woods after his mate. He had to remind Moony that it wasn’t _that kind_ of chase, but the blood pumping through his body and the breath that burst from his lungs distracted him, and all he could do was run.

They made their way deep into the forest, and when Sirius stopped at a stream to gulp down water, Remus could feel the sun beginning to set. He stopped, bent in half over his knees, Padfoot looking at him before starting to whine. Remus couldn’t find the words to console him as at that moment the moon rose high in the night sky, and the transformation began.

He was aware of only _pain;_ his bones breaking and reforming, claws replacing his fingers and toes; his skin sloughing off and fur sprouting in its place; his teeth lengthening until they were daggers in his mouth, his jaw stretching to fit; then from his tailbone came his tail, thick and tufted. 

He could feel the loamy soil beneath his paws, his balance shifted until he felt steady on four feet instead of only two. He could see his breath fog up the air in front of him, and while Moony was definitely present in his mind, it was Remus in control. 

Padfoot crept forward, belly and tail low to the ground, whines escaping his throat the closer he came. Remus stood tall, his neck cracking as his bones settled into place, his wolf skin replacing his human one. Colors were different, more greys and less distinct colors, shadows that had seemed endless to his human eyes leaving nothing hidden, the forest _alive_ around him. 

He met Padfoot a few meters away, bumping their snouts together and shaping his mouth into a wolfy grin. Padfoot's tail was high in the air now, and Remus could smell his contentment, honeysuckle reaching his nostrils. Remus staggered under the weight of the Animagus above him, having been taken to his back in surprise, Sirius heavy atop him. 

Remus and Padfoot wrestled until they heard the scurrying of little feet in the distance, their heads turning as one to lock into the sound. Remus raised his head high to Mother Moon and howled, Sirius soon joining in his song. They ran into the depths of the forest, two men in their canine skins, a pack once more.

*****************************

Sirius had never been so exhausted, at least not in recent memory. He lay in a tangle with Remus, steam rising from their fur, the moon finally falling away and dawn starting to break across the horizon. When the first rays of sunlight peeked over the Scotland highlands, Remus began to shake and shiver. Remus pulled away, whining and shaking his grey head, the transformation from before once more wreaking havoc on his body, but in reverse. 

Sirius lowered his head and hid in his crossed paws, whimpers breaking free in between Remus’ howls of pain. When the screams tapered off into sobs, Sirius slid from dog to man once more, removing his coat and transfiguring it into a large blanket that he lay over Remus’ naked form. Sirius pulled a foil gum wrapper from his pocket, dropped it on the snowy grass and tapped it with his wand.

“ _Portus_.” 

He laid a hand on Remus’ shoulder, the skin under his palm clammy, and then reached out for the newly made Portkey, bracing them both for the instant travel from Scotland to London, and Grimmauld Place.

They landed in a heap inside the kitchen, the cold stone floor hard and unyielding. 

“Kreacher?” He whispered, his voice nearly lost after a night of carousing with his wolf.

The house-elf came out, his eyes hard and voice grating.

“Yes, Master?” Kreacher sneered.

“I need tea, and any crackers we might have lying around. Please bring them to my room; enough for two, alright?”

“Whatever Master wishes, Kreacher will do.”

“Thank you.”

The house-elf glared at him and then turned towards the stove, the kettle floating to the sink to fill with water. Sirius left Kreacher to his assigned task, and levitated Remus up to Sirius’ room, the other man unconscious and swaddled in the coat-turned-blanket. 

After lying Remus on his bed, Sirius cast charms to clean their skin of dirt and grime, and then he wrestled Remus into a pair of cotton bottoms. Sirius traded his own soiled clothes for his own cotton trousers and a soft t-shirt, the events of the night before catching up with him at last. He crawled into bed, rolling Remus under the covers and then pulling the taller man into his arms. 

Sirius fell asleep then, Remus next to him where he belonged, their scents mingling under the covers. For the first time in 3 years, his linens would smell of them both, and their hearts beat as one, falling into sync. 

They slept until supper time, a tray with chamomile tea and two cups balanced on the bedside table, bowls of soup kept under stasis charms, brought to the room by a grumbling elf, who had only been tasked with supplying dry crackers. 

**********************

  
  
  
  



	5. 16 December-25 December 1981

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome, one and all, to a short mini-chapter! I couldn't wait to post this, so here is half of the next installment. The rest will be up on Sunday 28 February. 
> 
> You might also notice that I updated some things; this story is now part one in a series, where both are outlined and just waiting to be written. I'm aiming for at least 100k words each for both. I've also mapped out at least 17 chapters before the end of this story. Enjoy!
> 
> P.S.
> 
> Thank you all soooo much for your kudos, comments and bookmarks. I am so happy it's ridiculous. <3

A month after bringing Harry home to Grimmauld Place, Sirius stood alone in the first floor sitting room, staring nervously into the fireplace. His new caseworker was due any minute now, and while he knew that Harry was as happy as he could be, considering the circumstances, would this stranger feel the same way? Their report could be the reason he’s allowed to keep Harry here, or the reason he could lose what was left of James and Lily. 

He didn’t have much time to further consider his future, as the flames in the fireplace flared dark green and a short woman stepped out, her dark blonde hair settling on her shoulders in loose ringlets. She had a pair of large black glasses perched on her small nose, with hazel eyes surrounded by soot-black lashes hiding beneath. Her ample breasts strained against her teal blue oxford shirt, and an oversized camel-colored cardigan fell to her thighs. A black pencil-skirt brought attention to her full hips and her shapely legs, and if Sirius wasn’t head-over-heels for Remus he would be flirting faster than he could blink. She kind of reminded him of Remus, now that he thought about it, if Remus was a woman and a foot shorter.

She finished dusting the Floo powder from her clothes and met his gaze, her coral pink lips stretching in a wide smile. He walked forward, his hand outstretched, and met her in front of the sofa.

“Mr. Black, hello! My name is Meredith Walker. I’ll be your liason to the Ministry, and I’ve been assigned to your case with Harry Potter. Can we sit first, so we can talk a bit, and then we can go about the rest of our visit?”

“Of course! Take a seat; would you like something to drink?”

“No, thank you. I’d like to ask you a few questions first, and then you can ask me whatever you’d like.”

They sat on the sofa, turned towards the middle and each other. He noticed that she had a slim notebook and a Muggle pen in her hands, which she opened and dated at the top in smooth, flowing cursive. Sirius folded his hands on his knees to hide their trembling and met her eyes. His throat was dry with nerves, and he hoped that he wouldn’t make an arse of himself.

“I’m going to be asking some invasive questions, Mr. Black, mainly concerning Harry and yourself. I need to ask these things because I have to be certain that this is the best place for Harry to live, and I need to make sure he’s taken care of.”

“Please, call me Sirius. Mr. Black was my father. I understand, Miss Walker. I’ll answer whatever you need me to.”

“Then please call me Meredith, Sirius. We’ll be in contact a lot over the few years, at least. These home visits will happen once a month for 12 months, one at 18 and 24 months, and then after we get to 24 months, I'll drop in once a year. Usually 2-3 years after placement I only need to check in once a year, so you'll see a lot of me now and less later. Ready to start? Here we go! You didn’t list a spouse or partner on your initial paperwork 4 weeks ago, but has that changed since then? I ask because raising a child alone is difficult, and I… I read about what happened to your family in 1979. D-do you have a support network, Sirius?”

His breath caught in his throat, memories of Regulus’ disappearance, how his mother had taken her life 6 months later, and how his father literally drank himself to death shorter after. The only death he regretted was his brothers’; even though he had been a Death Eater, Reg was still his little brother, and he still loved him.

“N-no, there’s no spouse or partner. My best mate, Remus Lupin, moved in to help a few days after Harry came home with me, and he helps with everything. We’re good friends with Molly and Arthur Weasley, and if we needed anything, they wouldn’t hesitate to help us.”

“That’s wonderful. I’d like to talk with Remus after this, if he’d be amenable. Ok, that’s one down. Next, how has Harry been sleeping? Has he had any outbursts of negative emotions, and if so, how did you handle them?”

“He’s slept really well, actually. I was worried that he’d have nightmares after. He was... he was there, when they d-died.” He had to stop there, the grief nearly overwhelming him. Meredith was silent, empathy radiating from her kind eyes and the hand she put on his bicep. When he was ready, he added, “other than the occasional bad dream, he sleeps all night and takes one nap during the day. Those can be as short as 30 minutes or as long as 3 hours.”

“That’s really good, Sirius. I read about Halloween when The Prophet wrote about your trial and everything that happened. I’m so sorry for your loss, and I really hope that they catch Pettigrew soon. You and Harry deserve some peace.”

He nodded, and then looked down at his hands. She removed hers, and made a quick note in her notebook before she asked the next question. They talked about Harry’s eating habits and his development. Harry seemed to be on track with his physical development, and was only a little behind when it came to his speech, but Meredith assured him that it wasn’t a bad thing; kids develop at their own rate, and he wasn’t far enough behind to be worrisome. 

She asked about how Harry reacted if Sirius left the house; did he cry or scream, or seem as if he couldn’t handle to be separated? Sirius was quick to bring up how Harry was not too affected, and how he had even spent the night with the Weasely’s last week and had had no problems. Harry was happy to see him when they reunited though, which spoke towards healthy coping mechanisms and positive attachment.

They also talked about Remus, and his role in Harry’s life. Sirius admitted that Remus acted in the same way that he himself did; they decided on the schedule together, Remus was involved with any discipline necessary and he was trusted to help make any future decisions they discussed together. Sirius left out the bit about how Remus was a werewolf, seeing as the man wasn’t registered, and they didn’t need the ministry and their bias dictating how they lived.

After 30 minutes of questions, Meredith asked for Remus to come and speak with her. Sirius excused himself and went upstairs, where he knew the other man and Harry were. He found them in Remus’ room, sitting on the bed with toys and books surrounding them. Remus raised his whisky eyes, small lines crinkling in the corners.

“Is she done already?”

“Not quite; she’d like to speak with you. Just to ask about Harry and possibly your personal life.”

“Does she know that-”

“That you’re a giant nerd? Of course!” Sirius interrupted. Sirius and Remus had a conversation with their eyes, where his werewolf status was unknown to their visitor and would remain that way. Remus gave a subtle nod and then turned to Harry, letting the boy know that he would be back soon.

“You should show Padfoot the new story we found, Harry! He would love it, I’m sure. Ta, gentleman.”

Harry climbed to his knees and grabbed a book from the pile, handing it to Sirius as Remus left the room. Sirius took the book from the boy and turned to look at the cover.

“Oh, I love this one. _Where’s Spot?_ ”

“Issa dog, Pads! Look!”

Sirius read the cardboard book to his godson 3 times before Harry lost interest. They moved on to the toys, then, and proceeded to have a great battle between the stuffies and the plastic dinosaurs, wherein the stuffies won. They were laid on their backs on the bed, laughing, when Remus and Meredith came to the door. Remus cleared his throat loudly, gaining their attention. Harry went quiet and still, staring at Meredith with large eyes. When Remus gestured for her to enter before him, she came to the bed and crouched at the foot, smiling at the occupants.

“Hullo, Harry. My name is Meredith. It’s nice to meet you.”

“H-hi.” Harry squeaked, and then looked to Sirius, curiosity oozing from the little boy.

Sirius stood and extended Meredith a hand to help her stand, and then reached for Harry and propped the toddler on his hip.

“Meredith is my new friend, and Remus’ too. She’s really quite nice, Harry.”

“‘K, Pads.”

“Oh! Pads is what he calls me. When we were in school, we all had nicknames. I was Padfoot, and Remus here was Moony. When Harry was born, we kept the names and that’s how he knows us.”

“Aw, that’s very sweet! Well, Harry, do you think you could help Pads and Moony here show me your house? Where do you sleep, darling?”

Harry nodded, and then shyly hid his face in Sirius’ shoulder. The adults smiled indulgently and then Sirius guided Meredith to his room, leaving Remus to put away the toys with an agreement to meet in the kitchen after the tour. 

Sirius, Harry and Meredith entered the room next to Remus’, where Harry pointed out his crib and his favorite toy and blanket.

“I’ve got plans to renovate the house in Spring, and by then he’ll have his own room. I’m not quite ready to separate us, and so far him sleeping in here with me hasn’t caused any issues.”

“I understand, Sirius, don’t worry. As long as he has his own room within a few months, no one would deny you the comfort you are both due.”

“That’s good. I make sure he’s asleep before he’s left alone for naps or before I go to sleep, and I set a monitoring charm so I can know when he wakes up. The floor under and around his crib has cushioning charms, too, in case he decides to climb out, but he hasn’t done that yet, thank Merlin.”

“Perfect! Shall we continue the tour?”

Sirius led them to the small hallway and showed Meredith the bathroom, where Harry’s ever-present bottle of bubbles rested on the side. He told her that there was an attic on the floor above them, but the staircase was charmed to stay in the ceiling unless called down. They descended to the third floor, where a spacious guestroom, another full bathroom, and the locked study were.

“This room here was my father’s study, but I’ve locked the doors so there’s no way Harry could get in. It’s not a good place for little kids, anyway.”

Down another level was the second floor, with the empty master bedroom, a third full bathroom, and the second, decidedly smaller guest room. He didn’t comment on how the master room would better fit him and Harry, and she wisely didn’t ask. On the first floor was the sitting room where they tended to spend the most time and the Floo Meredith had entered the house in, a third guest room and the fourth full bath sharing the space. The sitting room had the most signs of life, with knick knacks spread on the tables and Harry’s toy bin in the corner.

On the ground floor, Sirius opened the double doors to the formal dining room, where they had Harry’s pram folded and their miscellaneous winter gear strewn haphazardly on the chair backs. Meredith peeked into the half bath and then they took the staircase directly across that led to the kitchen, which was hidden under the stairs leading up. 

In the kitchen, Remus sat at the rectangular table in the middle, which had once been big enough for 12 people, and had since been transfigured to a smaller rectangle that sat six chairs instead. Remus sat at the chair closest to the right with the woodblock island two meters behind it. Roughly one meter from the island was an L-shaped marble counter that held a small empty section of counter to the left of the gas stove, while the rest of the countertop stretched to meet the staircase, which the counter turned at a 90-degree angle to follow and ended at the base of the stairs with a large double sink. The other 5 chairs were empty, with 2 on either side and one at both ends, Harry’s child seat connected with straps to the chair on Remus’ left. They traded who sat at the head of the table and Harry’s other side depending on who got there first; neither man had a set preference.

A small settee was in the corner near the far left wall, with another Floo-connected fireplace nearby on the wall across from the stairs, close to the settee. The glass-doored china cabinet stood floor to ceiling next to the fireplace, with the pantry that housed the dry goods and the cold storage that rested on the bottom half nestled tight in the corner. The wall adjacent held the tiny boiler room door behind which Kreacher lived, and then the counter started next to the door, bringing the room full circle. 

Meredith sat by Remus, who had stood at their entry and had gotten them all glasses with water, except for Harry who received his child-safe lidded cup instead. They sat at the table, Remus at the head once more, Harry in his seat and Sirius on his left. Meredith sat across from them and laid her book on the table, the cover closed with her pen beside it.

“Everything looks great, gentleman. Harry seems very settled and happy here, and you both obviously love him. I don’t foresee any problems, so after I file my report, expect to see me once a month. Would January 17th work for you both for my next visit?”

Remus and Sirius looked to each other and nodded. January’s full moon was the 9th, so that gave them a little over a week for Remus to recover. They would have to make sure the other visitations weren’t close to the fulls, but with advance notice it shouldn’t be a problem. 

“That sounds just fine, Meredith.” Sirius told her, and she gave him a smile while opening her notebook to write the date down.

She finished her water and then stood, Sirius and Remus standing as well. 

“Wonderful! I’ll be going now; can I use the fireplace here to get back to the Ministry?”

“Certainly. It’s not locked, so feel free.”

“Alright. It was so nice meeting you both, and you, Mister Harry. I will see you all in the new year. Bye!”

Meredith took a handful of Floo powder, threw it down and called out “Ministry of Magic!” before stepping in the tall fireplace and vanishing with a loud ‘crack’. 

Sirius and Remus sat back down, and then began to laugh, Harry joining in, though unsure why. They had done it! Harry was staying, Remus’ secret was safe, and his family wasn’t on the cusp of falling apart. This had been a great day, and it was only 11 am!

********************

“Happy Christmas, lads!” A heavily sloshed Arthur Weasley approached them, his red-stained cheeks clashing with his fiery red hair. 

Sirius laughed and pat their host on his shoulder, nearly knocking the other man over. Sirius’ cheeks were the same rosy hue as Arthur, though it was much more appealing on Sirius’ high cheekbones. Remus had decided to avoid drinking more than 2 glasses of the wine provided, as one of the more annoying side effects from the wolfsbane had decided to linger longer than the others.

Moony now settled in the back of his mind, and while, like during the full moon, Remus was the one in control of his action and emotions, the wolf still lurked in the background. Moony was much more _present,_ and quite vocal about his wants and desires. What Moony wanted most was Sirius, so whenever Remus’ inhibitions were lowered, it was difficult to keep the beast inside at bay. Remus had been so careful to keep this particular side effect to himself, and if not mostly sober or aware of his surroundings, he feared what the consequences would be should he let down his guard.

“Moony! Come and have another drink with me!” Sirius transferred his attention from Arthur to Remus, staggering over to him. Sirius wrapped an arm around Remus’ waist and leaned his full weight on the werewolf, who was for once glad for his unnatural strength as he held the other man to him.

Remus was struck anew by Sirius’ beauty. Sirius’ black hair was let down for the occasion, falling in soft waves to his shoulders, a tiny sprig of red holly berries braided into the hair at his left temple; his mouth was bright red from wine, the generous pillows of his lips spread in a giddy smile; his biceps strained the material of his black oxford, a slim-fitted waistcoat drawing attention to his tiny waist and subtly flared hips, where a pair of low-slung denim trousers clung to his muscles thighs, his firm arse and shapely calves. Sirius wore a pair of Converse trainers he had picked up from a Muggle shop in 6th year, spelled to look new no matter how old they actually were. Remus cradled Sirius to him, pulling the man into a hug that he would later blame on the alcohol, the shorter man returning the embrace with drunken abandon.

Sirius fit under his chin perfectly, the final piece of a puzzle slotting into place, and for once the man and wolf were in agreement, happiness and contentment radiating outward. Remus laid his cheek on top of Sirius’ head, breathing in his soothing bergamot and honey scent, tinged with a hint of mulled wine. Sirius snuggled (there was no other word for how he nuzzled his head into Remus’ chest) closer, and Remus nearly told him how he felt right then and there. The words were on the tip of his tongue, desperate to be spoken aloud, but a faraway voice reminded him that the love he felt went beyond brotherhood and was not likely to be kindly received. 

‘I love you’ was a phrase they had all said often and absentmindedly over the course of their decade-long friendship, the Marauders close-knit and free with affection, but the connotations Remus wanted to affix at this moment were decidedly unwelcome. There would be no hiding behind the other meaning, what with how fuzzy his mind felt and how full of love and desire he was tonight. Sirius would know that the love he held was far from brotherly.

Christmas had snuck up on them all, their days and nights filled with Harry and how to parent him to the best of their abilities. They hadn’t realized the date until the day before, when Molly had sent them an owl inviting them to the Burrow for supper and a night of revelry. They had rushed to the shops, acquiring gifts for the Weasley family and Harry, not bothering to get each other anything. 

Remus had already found the perfect gift while in Germany earlier in the year while perusing the streets of the small town closest to the pack he’d infiltrated; a small necklace with a copper and gold infused 2 millimeter pendant that had the NorthStar engraved upon it, a miniscule white crystal laid in the center. The pendant hung from a tiny gold chain, the links delicate and sure to settle sweetly in the cradle of Sirius’ clavicle, turned from cold metal warm as his naked skin. He was unsure if he would actually give the necklace to Sirius, as it was a very intimate gift, more akin to one from a lover than a friend, but he hadn’t been able to leave the market stall without buying it.

Sirius left his embrace and reached for his hand, dragging Remus into the cluttered kitchen.

“It’s time for biscuits, Moony!”

“It’s 9 o’clock, Padfoot.”

“The perfect time for biscuits, just like I said!”

Sirius grinned mischievously at him, and Remus was reminded of the eleven-year old boy that had charmed him as a child, drawing the quiet half-blood into his circle of unlikely friends with no prejudice or any expectations beyond shared comradery. Remus gave him a small smile in return and sighed dramatically, rolling his eyes to the ceiling.

“Alright, Sirius, you win. It is the perfect time for too much sugar. What are our options, then?”

They scoured the overloaded counter, taking up a paper plate and filling it with sugary sweets. Remus was tempted to stuff a chocolate glazed biscuit in his mouth, but stopped himself when Sirius turned his stormy grey eyes in his direction and pouted.

“You can’t eat it now! Don’t be greedy, Moonshine!”

“OI! Who are you calling greedy? You’ve got nearly all of the treats on our plate, Pads!”

“Semantics! Now come on, we need to take this out to the garden and stuff our faces.”

“You say the nicest things to me. You’re so romantic, Pads.”

“Shove off, mate. Let’s go!”

They cast guilty looks to the party in the living room, two men acting like little boys, sneaking outside with a towering plate of treats and two mugs of homemade eggnog snagged from a punchbowl by the sink. Giggling like adolescents, they went to open the back door and became stuck in place, unable to leave the house. They looked at each other and the floor with confusion, and then Remus realized what the problem was and tilted his head to the door jamb above them with an overwhelming sense of dread.

A pretty cluster of mistletoe was attached to the middle with a red string, hanging down far enough that it would touch his head if he stretched to his full height instead of the slouch he preferred. He could feel the saliva evaporate from his mouth as it gaped open, his wide eyes matching those of the man next to him. Sirius’ cheeks flushed red once more, embarrassment stark on his elegant features.

“Erm… what kind do you figure this one is?” Sirius said, voice shaky.

“Hopefully the kind that releases us with a platonic kiss on the cheek?” 

“Only one way to find out, I guess…” Sirius had to perch on his tiptoes to reach Remus’ cheek, a small brush of his lips leaving fire in their wake. When they tried to move though, the charm held fast, and the color on Sirius’ cheeks flared to scarlett. Sirius fell back to his heels and averted his eyes, the plate held with now trembling hands.

Remus didn’t want to admit it, but if a kiss on the cheek hadn’t released them, only one on the lips would. Knowing his luck, a quick brush of lips wouldn’t be enough to satisfy the charmed plant. He shuffled from foot to foot, placing the mugs on the counter beside them. He took the plate from Sirius’ hands and set it next to the mugs, the other man’s face tilting up to his once more. An emotion he couldn’t decipher swirled in Sirius’ eyes, his pupils blown wide and irises so dark a grey they seemed almost black. 

“M-Moony-” 

“You know as well as I do what the charm wants, Sirius. Just… close your eyes and think of England, yeah?”

“Remus-”

Before Sirius could finish his train of thought, Remus reached out and took him by his chin with two fingers and his thumb, tilting his head even more, leaning close enough that his breath made Sirius’ dark lashes flutter, his eyes disappearing behind his delicate purple-veined eyelids. Remus would have chosen for their first kiss to happen differently, with both of them wanting it, but their choices were severely limited. He kept his eyes open for as long as he could, Sirius’ face growing blurry with the decreasing distance until they too fell closed. 

The warmth radiating from his companion was stifling, Sirius’ scent now dappled with salty traces of sweat, his pulse racing beneath the fingers that held his chin in place. Remus closed the distance between their mouths, brushing his chapped lips against Sirius’. The plush lips beneath his opened in a small gasp, and before Remus could stop himself, his other hand had gripped Sirius’ hip, fingers clenching against the bone. Remus used his hold on the other man to pull him even closer, their bodies now flush, hearts beating in a shared staccato rhythm. 

Sirius let out a whimper, the sound hitting Remus in the gut like a punch, his own breath escaping him in a loud gasp. He couldn’t say who took charge then, Moony or himself, but _someone_ had their tongue in Sirius’ mouth faster than he thought possible. Sirius’ breath hitched in his throat, Remus’ fingers trailing from his chin to his pulse, the artery jumping under the soft skin. Remus’ tongue slid against Sirius’ teeth, the taste of mulled wine rich and heady; Sirius’ tongue came into play then, tapping against the intruder twice before chasing as it withdrew back to Remus’ own mouth. Sirius’ hands went from laying limply at his sides to winding into Remus’ tawny hair, his fingers grasping the strands tight enough to _hurt_ , the werewolf letting a deep growl escape at the action.

Sirius was continuously whimpering now, his body undulating against Remus’, one strong thigh pressed between the Animagus’ legs and into his hard cock. Remus held Sirius by the side of his neck and his hip, his own cock rutting into the other man’s rigid abdomen, damp precome spreading inside his cotton pants. Remus wanted to _devour_ him; he wanted to kiss the breath from his lungs; he wanted to lift him up so Sirius would have to wrap his legs around his hips to stay balanced in place; he wanted to suck his hard cock down his throat and swallow around the head until Sirius _cried_ ; he wanted to fuck inside his undoubtedly tight hole and watch it stretch around his sizable girth; he _wantedwantedwantedwanted_.

Sirius rocked his hips into the thigh Remus had wedged between his legs, whimpers and gasps falling faster from his plush, bitten-red mouth, his head tilted back and his eyes shut tight. Remus latched onto Sirius’ exposed neck, sucking a vicious mark into the pulsating tendon near his carotid artery. Remus’ blood was hot in his veins, need and desire sharp enough to _taste_ , the flesh under his mouth soft and thin and sweet like candy.

“Let me fetch you a mug of my eggnog, dear. It’s on the counter-OH MY GOODNESS I’M SORRY!”

The private bubble Remus and Sirius had been in popped, the two men springing apart, Sirius knocking into the counter behind him and Remus stumbling backward. Their hard cocks were visible from meters away, their disheveled clothing and hair no match for the spots of redness gracing their cheekbones, their kiss-swollen lips just as noticable. Ice trickled like frozen fingers down his spine as he met Molly’s shocked blue eyes across the kitchen. She looked between them both, her eyes falling to their groins before shooting upward, a blush now staining her own cheeks bright red.

“Er, I was trying to get a drink for Arthur and I didn’t know you were in here. I’m sorry for interrupting-”

“D-don’t worry about it! It was nothing! We were caught under the mistletoe! Nothing to do but kiss, eh, Moony?” Sirius’ eyes darted back and forth with a frantic energy, his body twitching in an obvious need to escape.

 _It was nothing. It was_ ** _nothing_** _._ _Of course it was._

Remus pushed his disappointment and yearning down deep and drew in an unsteady breath, his smile forced to any who looked close enough to notice that it didn’t meet his eyes, and how it fell faster than it appeared. He looked to his shoes, dirty trainers under his ragged trousers, a stark example of the vast differences between himself and Sirius. Sirius was pressed denim trousers and form-flattering shirts, new shoes and shiny hair, manicured nails and soft skin. Remus, on the opposite spectrum, was old and torn clothing that hung loose on his figure, unmanageable lackluster tawny brown curls, scarred skin and nails bitten to the quick. 

Sirius was visibly drunk, eyes hazy and color high on his cheeks, and Remus had taken advantage of him. He hadn’t wanted that kiss, no matter how he had reciprocated, or how desperate his grasping fingers had been. It didn’t matter that his cock had been hard as steel on Remus’ thigh, or that his mouth had been just as greedy as Remus’. Sirius couldn’t consent in his current state, and his body had reacted to a warm, willing person snogging him. It had been _nothing,_ just like Sirius had told Molly. 

“You’re right, Sirius. It was nothing. Too much wine, I think. I-I need some fresh air. Excuse me, please.”

“But you only had the two glasses, Remus.” Molly reached her hand out to stop him, but he shrugged it off, rushing past her and into the living room, ignoring the scores of people present as he went straight to the front door, yanking it open and starting to run as soon as he was outside. 

He ran until he couldn’t breathe without wheezing, surrounded by a small copse of trees that seemed to be the far end of an orchard and an outcropping of rocks. He staggered to the rocks, bracing his forearm against a large boulder while he tried to regulate his breathing. It took him a long time to calm down, his heartbeat thudding loudly in his ears, whole body trembling as the adrenaline slowly wore off. 

Remus was at once ashamed and _so bloody mad_ ; he had kissed his best mate without permission (a charmed plant was _not_ the same as permission, no matter what), he had shared his first kiss with Sirius, of all people, and the other man hadn’t wanted it. He had harbored feelings for Sirius since they were 15 years old, and his attention hadn’t deviated, no matter how much he had wished it would have. He hadn’t wanted to kiss or touch anyone else, not when that person was not his soulmate. He knew that Sirius had been with other people, of course he had, the girlfriends and occasional boyfriend that tagged along with him and Peter to Quidditch games and raucous parties in the Gryffindor great room proof of that.

Remus wanted to go back and erase what he had done in the kitchen; he would lead Sirius back into the living room instead, leaving someone else to fall victim to that stupid fucking plant. If it hadn’t been the hottest thing to ever happen to him, he would simply cast _Obliviate_ and be done with the memory forever. He could still feel how Sirius had trembled in his arms, how slick and hot his tongue had been in his mouth, how tightly his fingers had been wound into Remus’ hair, the sting at once too hard and perfect, a sweet juxtaposition between pleasure and pain. 

Moony was silent, for once, but Remus could feel him sulking in the back of his mind, restlessly pacing back and forth in his internal cage. Remus had held the other half of his soul in his arms and had kissed his lush mouth, and if he hadn’t felt so complete for once in his miserable life, he would be full of anger instead of regret that he had taken what was not freely given.

***************************

Sirius was too distracted to pay attention as Molly led him by the arm to the dining nook. He was pushed unceremoniously onto a chair, a large glass of water forced into his hand. Molly helped him drink, lifting the glass from the bottom up to his mouth, where he automatically gulped it down until the water was gone. Was this what shock felt like?

His lips felt swollen and tender; the place on his throat where Remus had sucked a mark _throbbed_ ; his dick was now half-hard in his trousers and his hands still trembled, even as he set the glass on the table and clasped them together. He couldn’t remember having ever been kissed like that; surely _someone_ had given him a similar kiss? He tried, but couldn’t recall being left so shaken and aroused before from a simple kiss. 

Sweet mother of Merlin, Remus could _kiss_. The other man had never shown any interest in dating while at school, what with the war and missions, so who had the time to find someone to date? Had Remus hid some former paramour from them all, someone he traded elicit kisses and tender touches with in darkened corridors or rundown safe houses? Whomever it was had sure been lucky, receiving the gift of Remus’ attention and adoration.

He looked up, blinking in the darkness, Molly nowhere to be found. His lack of reciprocal communication must have turned her away, but he couldn’t fault her for leaving. If he showed even a tenth of the shock he felt inside on his face, she had been smart to let him be. He was having trouble reconciling the Remus in his head with the one who had spent at least 5 minutes snogging the daylights out of him; where was the quiet boy that planned elaborate pranks but was never caught, or the gentle man who held Harry so carefully in his large hands?

The Remus that had kissed him was not quiet or gentle. His hip was definitely bruised, fingertips imprinted tight into his flesh. The man that had kissed him so thoroughly had growled into his mouth between fervent lashings of his tongue, the sound deep and hungry, pulling whimpers and whines from Sirius’ throat he had never made before.

Had it just been the wine, like Remus had claimed before running away, or was it something else? Could he feel the same? Was it even remotely possible? Sirius knew that he was a bit drunk, there was no doubt about that, but he had never felt _so sure_ of his feelings, no matter the amount of alcohol in his blood. Sirius wanted to kiss Remus again, this time without the excuse of charmed vegetation or inebriation to discount his desires.

Remus was sure to feel guilty for what had happened, and part of that was Sirius’ fault. He shouldn’t have said that it was _nothing,_ not when _nothing_ was so far removed from the truth it might as well have been said in Gaelic. He had panicked, as he tended to, and had said some stupid things before his brain caught up with his errant mouth. Now, he had to find Remus and fix things before they festered and they were unable to logically discuss that kiss like the adults they supposedly were.

Thank Merlin that Harry was asleep in Ron’s room. Another toddler bed had been pushed into the room for the other boy to sleep on during the full moons or times like tonight, when the darkness and late hour crept up on them all and Remus and Sirius would kip on the couches while the rest of the Weasleys slept in their rooms.

Sirius would give Remus time to calm down and would find some pepper-up potion for himself. The upcoming conversation was overdue, honestly, and as Sirius pulled his Gryffindor bravery around himself like a cloak, he hoped the outcome left him with a boyfriend as well as a best mat

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Where's Spot? Is a children's book by Eric Hill. Ignore that it wasn't available in the '80s. Shhhh.
> 
> Also I'm too lazy to research the ins and out of the spell on Grimmauld Place, so ignore the inconsistencies with that.  
> I have like 20 tabs open for this fic already, what with the full moons from 1981 and then the actual calendar days to stay on track. 
> 
> Thanks again for reading!


	6. 26 December 1981

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is some smut in this chapter. There is also shmoop and love and sleepy Harry. Enjoy!

Remus was there when Sirius awoke the next morning, a steaming cup of tea cradled between his palms. Sirius sat upright and ran his fingers through his unruly hair, and then noticed a second cup on the table close to him. He picked it up with a mumbled ‘thanks’, took a fortifying sip and then met Remus’ guarded eyes.

“Remus-”

“Sirius-”

They both spoke at once and then laughed awkwardly, Remus gesturing with his hand for Sirius to go first. He cleared his throat and tucked the loosened braid with holly wound in it behind his ear, the courage from before suddenly abandoning him. He looked at Remus’ strong, long-fingered hand instead of his amber eyes, the movement of his pointer finger tapping the side of the cup endlessly fascinating.

“Right then. Remus, about last night… I know that I drank too much wine but I wanted to tell you-”

“Stop, please. I understand, Sirius. I really, really do. You don’t need to say anything else.”

Sirius lifted his eyes, brows furrowed and frustration tinging his voice. “I don’t think you do, though, not really. I wanted to explain-”

Remus clenched his cup so tightly it cracked near the rim, the sudden sound causing him to set it down with shaking hands and stand abruptly. He began to pace, his hands going to his hair and gripping so hard his knuckles turned white.

“Just don’t, Sirius! You don’t need to say anything else; I said that I understood and I do, I swear! Please, I don’t want to hear you say it!”

Sirius stood as well, his cup falling to the rug, tea spilling in a small puddle at his feet. His hands reached out for Remus, grabbing the other man by his forearm and halting his motions. Remus’ eyes were glossy with tears, high spots of red on his cheekbones.

“What, Sirius?” Remus rasped, his voice scratchy and low.

“I need you to listen right now, okay. Can you sit down? Please?”

Remus came and sat near him, but on the edge of the cushion, every muscle tense and prepared for a quick escape. Sirius grabbed the hand closest to him as he too sat, tangling their fingers and making Remus turn to him, his mouth set in a harsh line.

“Thank you, Moony. I’d like you to listen, okay, and then you can yell at me or run away or whatever.”

“I’m listening.” Remus mumbled, his fingers loose in Sirius’. Sirius gave them a squeeze before he started talking again.

“Right. Last night, I drank a little bit of wine. Too much, I know, no need to scowl and lecture me, Moony. Anyway, I drank too much wine, and when we got stuck I… I kissed you, yeah? And I know you don’t want me like that, I swear I do, okay, so I’m sorry if I pressured you! But it doesn’t matter how much I drank, I’ve wanted to kiss you for a long time. Please don’t feel weird about it, yeah? Only I’ve fancied you for ages and that kiss was bloody _amazing;_ where did you learn to kiss like that anyway? So I wanted to tell you that I would very much like to kiss you again, but without the liquor this time. Er, Remus? Are you alright? You’ve gone all pale… Remus?”

Remus’ hand held onto his tight enough to cut off the circulation, his eyes wide and mouth dropped open, his face pale with the bright blush on his cheeks the only colour. Remus closed his mouth and acted as if he was about to speak, looking quite like a fish out of water. Sirius was definitely concerned now, and he raised his other hand to Remus’ forehead to feel for a temperature.

“Remus? What’s wrong? What did I say?”

“You… you’ve fancied me for ages? What? Sirius, _what_?” Remus whispered, drawing the hand on his forehead away to join their clasped hands on his lap, both of Sirius’ hands now held captive.

“Y-yes? I mean, yes, I have. Fancied you, that is. Ever since we left Hogwarts. It’s been what, 3 years ago now?”

“ _3 years_? You’re not making any sense! What are you saying, Sirius?” Remus sounded desperate now and his eyes held a manic light that was more than a little intimidating.

“I know that 3 years is a long time, okay, so I’m sorry if you don’t want to know, but I’m tired of pretending that I-”

“Sirius. Shut up.”

“ _Excuse me_? I’m baring my soul to you here and you tell me to shut up?”

“Sirius! I fancy you, too!”

“ _What!?_ ”

Remus smiled so wide all of his teeth were visible, his face regaining colour while he used their joined hands to stand once more, pulling Sirius close to his body. Sirius was 182 centimetres, which was pretty tall, okay, but stood next to Remus he felt _tiny_. Remus towered over him, both literally and figuratively, the difference between them maybe 10 centimetres, but felt more like 20. Sirius had to crane his neck to meet Remus’ eyes, and was struck speechless by the happiness he saw in them.

“Sirius, I love you. I’ve loved you since we were 15 years old.”

“But that was 6 years ago! Why didn’t you say anything?”

“Why didn’t you? Sirius, I was so certain that you didn’t feel the same, so why would I say anything? I could stand not being your lover, but if you weren’t my friend, I…”

“Wait, wait, wait. Did you just say that you love me?”

“I did. I know that it’s too soon, but it’s been 6 years for me, Padfoot, and I won’t take it back. I can’t.”

“Is it too soon if _I_ say it? Because I love you, Moony, I really do.”

“Oh, god. You do? _Really_?”

Sirius reached up and cradled Remus’ face in his palms, both of them with tears on their lashes and giddy smiles spread wide on their faces. Sirius pulled Remus down to his mouth, pressing soft kisses to his lips.

“I really, really do. Remus, I love you. I should have said something sooner but life got in the way, I feel like, and there was never any time.”

Remus turned one of the quick kisses into a longer, close mouthed caress, and then laid their foreheads together and closed his eyes, a wet-sounding laugh escaping.

“You can’t take all the blame; I should have said something when we were younger, but I was too shy and then you had girlfriends and boyfriends and I didn’t have a chance to talk to you. The timing never felt right for me, either. I love you, Sirius. So much.”

Sirius laughed too, his body shaking with excitement and on the brink of tears once more, his brain trying to process what was happening. He laughed louder then, a thought coming to mind that made him blush, but that was too good not to share.

“Remus, we could have been shagging all of this time! Years have been wasted, Moony! Years!”

Remus choked, pulling back and holding him at arm’s length. He shook his head once and then dropped it back to gaze at the ceiling, a sigh of defeat leaving him.

“You can’t just _say_ that, Sirius. Jesus.”

“What; _shagging_? Moony, don’t be such a prude!”

“I’m not a prude! You can’t say _shagging_ in Molly’s living room, Padfoot!”

Someone cleared their throat and entered the room, Molly and Arthur hand in hand with Ginny cradled in his arms and quite red in the face. Bill and Charlie were behind their parents, identical cheeky grins on their youthful faces. Remus and Sirius couldn’t do much more than stand in shock, their faces deep red with embarrassment.

“I don’t mind the word too much, gentleman, but maybe not in front of the children, yeah?” Arthur told them, tongue-in-cheek grin on his own face.

“I think I heard Harry and Ron waking up, boys, so maybe you could go and fetch them while I start breakfast?”

“Yes, that sounds like a wonderful idea. Shall we, Sirius?”

“I think we shall, Remus. Good morning, everyone. Sorry about all of that. The boys are on the fourth floor, yes? Splendid. Come along, Moony.”

They trudged upstairs, holding hands and sharing over-sized grins. By the time they were out of sight, Molly and Charlie were in the kitchen while Arthur, Ginny and Bill were sat on the couch.

“Mum?”

“Yes, Charlie?”

“I think I like boys. Is that weird?”

“No, dear, it’s not weird.”

“Cool. What’s for breakfast? I’m starving!”

***************

They returned to 12 Grimmauld Place after lunch, Harry drooping in Remus’ arms. The toddler had spent all morning playing with Ron, Fred and George. The twins said that they were too old to play with babies, but were found leading the others in a game of tag more than once. Remus was glad that Harry made friends so easily; Remus himself hadn’t made any friends until his first year at Hogwarts, James pulling all of them from their pre-pubescent shells and forming their tight knit group. He was hit with a pang of regret that James wouldn’t get to see Harry take the train to Hogwarts after he turned 11 and received his letter, but Remus would do the best he could to fiercely love the little boy in his father’s stead.

He would love Sirius just as much, he vowed to himself, now that they had finally confessed their love for each other. It still felt like a dream, honestly. Sirius Black was in love with _him_ , Remus Lupin? Surely the universe was playing a cosmic joke and he would wake up any second, alone in his rundown apartment. As he took the now sleeping boy up to the forth floor and his crib, and cast a backwards glance to Sirius, who grinned shyly when their eyes met. A dream couldn’t make him feel like this, could it? He was so happy, love and anticipation thrumming through him, leaving him slightly out of breath.

Remus entered Sirius’ room and carefully laid Harry in his crib, the boy immediately curling on his side and reaching for his ever-present stuffed dog and blanket. Sirius stood by his side and they gazed down at their sleeping charge before he grabbed Remus’ hand and led them out of the room. They went down the stairs and to the first floor sitting room without speaking, though Remus could feel Sirius’ quick pulse when he rubbed his thumb over the other man’s wrist.

Remus sat in the middle of the couch, expecting Sirius to sit next to him, but the Animagus climbed into his lap instead, legs on either side of his thighs and slender arms slung over his shoulders with his wrists crossed behind his neck. Remus’ hands went to Sirius’ hips to hold him in place as if they had done this many times before, the ease of the gesture belied by his own rapid-fire pulse. He met Sirius’ eyes, the normal stormy grey nearly invisible due to his dilated pupils. Remus licked his lips and watched as Sirius tracked the movement, shifting subtly in his lap and drawing attention to the erection Remus had sprung when Sirius had unceremoniously sat in his lap.

“I’m going to kiss you now, Moony.”

“Please do, Padfoot.”

“Ever so kind of you, Mr. Lupin.”

“I aim to please, Mr. Black.”

“Enough with the pleasantries! Give me your mouth, you handsome devil.”

“Do you need your eyes checked? The only handsome devil in this room is you.”

Sirius blushed, his cheekbones infusing with colour as he gave Remus a small smile, shaking his head side to side. He’d left his hair down again, the black waves loose and shiny, and when his hands itched to sink into the strands he realized that he could, his left hand rising slowly and cupping the back of Sirius’ head. Sirius closed his eyes as a small sigh left his mouth, his sleek tongue darting out and wetting his plump lower lip. Remus used his grip in Sirius’ hair to the pull him towards his own mouth, lifting his head as this position left Sirius uncharacteristically taller than him.

Remus’ eyes slid closed as their lips met, his hand tightening and grasping a fistful of silky hair, pulling a gasp from Sirius’ slack mouth. Remus let out a groan in response before sliding his tongue between Sirius’ lips. Sirius whimpered and arched his back as their tongues met and Remus sucked the muscle into his own mouth. Remus’ other hand left Sirius’ hip and slid under his shirt, urging the man closer and into a jerky grinding motion as it settled on his lower back. Remus could feel Sirius’ hard cock against his own, even through 2 layers each of denim trousers and cotton pants, immediately thrusting his own hips upwards.

Sirius broke their kiss with a high whine in the very back of his throat, Remus using the opportunity presented to him to attach his mouth to the man’s throat and suck a matching mark on the side opposite to the one he left the day before, during their mistletoe induced kiss. He was surprisingly proud that he had left a mark on the pale flesh, visible for all to see that the man writhing in his lap wanted _him_ over anyone else. He pressed gentle kisses into the skin under his lips then, undulating his hips to match Sirius’ frantic pace.

“ _Oh, god_. Remus, you feel so good. _Remus_.”

“Do I really feel good, Sirius? So do you. You’ve got your nails dug in my skin, love, here on my shoulders. It hurts but don’t you dare stop. Can you feel how hard my cock is for you?”

“ _Oh, god._ ”

“Because it is for you, Sirius. It’s _always_ been for you. Especially with you sat atop me like this, humping me like a dog in heat. You’re so desperate for it, aren’t you?”

“ _Remus_.”

“I love how sweetly you say my name, Sirius. Say it again. _Now_.”

“ _Remus,_ ” he sighed, his blush spreading beneath the collar of his shirt.

“Good boy. You want to come, don’t you? I can smell how wet your dick is.”

Sirius’ hips moved faster against his, Remus’ cock so hard it hurt. Sirius dropped his chin to his chest and met Remus’ eyes, pupils so large the irises were now fully engulfed in inky black. Sirius was panting, heaving gasps escaping his bitten-red lips every time their hips met. He hadn’t meant to call him that, to say good boy like he had, but the reaction Sirius had let him know how much he seemed to loved it. Remus kept speaking, words tumbling out of him without any thought.

“You’re so close to coming I can almost _taste_ it. Is your come salty or sweet? I want to find out so badly. I want to suck you off and make you come down my throat. You look so beautiful like this, Sirius. I’d like for us to be naked next time, so you can ride my cock the way you so obviously want to. Would you like that, love? Do you want to ride my cock until you come?”

“I-”

“I bet you’re tight, yeah? How long has it been since someone has had their dick inside of you? Since you had to struggle to take them inside of your sweet little hole?”

Sirius shook his head, sweat beading on his temples and upper lip. Remus leaned forward and sucked his lip into his mouth, biting softly before letting go.

“Which question are you shaking your head to, Sirius? Don’t you want to ride my cock?”

“Yes!”

“So, not that one then. What else could it be… No, your arsehole isn’t tight?”

“I don’t know!”

“How can you not know? Haven’t you touched it while stroking your dick?”

“N-no!”

“No? Not even a finger?” Each word was punctuated with a fluid roll of Remus’ hips, his own aching dick desperate for skin-on-skin contact.

“N-no…”

“Oh, love, I find that hard to believe. What about the man who fucked you last? Surely _they_ touched you there?”

The thought of another man in the same position they were in filled him with unfettered rage; had they gently slid lube-slick fingers inside and spread his arse wide for their cock, or had they given the barest minimum of preparation before fucking their way in? Had Sirius whined and whimpered for their touch too, shivering and gasping like he was now?

“I-I haven’t b-been fucked.”

The admission was gasped between haggard breaths, and Remus had to stop their grinding, the cessation of movement gaining Sirius’ attention. The other man was flushed a deep red all over, sweat and his natural scent a blooming bouquet that appealed to both the man and beast within. His hands went from Sirius’ nape and lower back to both hips once more, clenching tight enough to bruise. He could feel as a shiver wracked the other’s body, and responded with a low growl. He was gripped with a sense of possessiveness that would have scared him had he been in a clearer state of mind.

“None of your boyfriends fucked you, Sirius?”

“N-no. I didn’t w-want them to.”

Remus sat fully upright, their chests pressed so close he could feel Sirius’ heartbeat near his own. The other man was so much taller in this position, and Remus was in the rare situation where he had to look up to meet his eyes. He couldn’t be certain what Sirius saw on his face, but his breath hitched and his nails dug deeper into Remus’ shoulders, his plush mouth dropping open around a loud moan. Remus tightened the hold he had on Sirius’ hips and gave a rough thrust upwards, precum leaking in a steady stream from the head of his dick and into his pants. Sirius’ own trousers felt damp and sticky between them; surely he was close to coming, too?

“Where you waiting for me, love? Did you want me to be the first one inside you, stuffing you full of come?”

“ _Remus_. Oh, please, _please_.”

“Did you know, even then, how badly I wanted you? Do you have any idea how many nights I spent behind my bed curtains, fucking my fist and wishing it was your arse? I was so sure everyone could tell just how much I wanted you, Sirius. But you never looked at me the way I wished you would, no matter what I said or did. You’re so beautiful, love. I’ve always thought so. You’re fucking gorgeous right now, here in my arms, so desperate to come.”

“Remus, please, _I need you_!”

“ _I_ need _you_ to come, Sirius.”

“I need m-more, Moony. _Please_.”

“Oh, love. We haven’t the time for anything more.”

“ _Pleasepleasepleaseplease._ ”

“So needy. Here, suck on my fingers. There you go, baby. Imagine that I’m about to fuck you and you have to get them wet.”

Remus put two fingers from his right hand into Sirius’ mouth, the other man moaning around them while saliva pooled under his tongue. He really did try to get them wet, so Remus felt generous and took them out after a few moments, mourning the loss of his hot mouth. Remus plunged his hand down the back of Sirius’ trousers and pants without any warning, his fingers going straight in between his cheeks and to his hole. It was dry and hot, the little furl clenched tight, but Remus wasn’t planning on penetration, not right now. He wanted to wait until they had hours alone to dedicate to foreplay and multiple orgasms. As much as he wanted to shove his fingers deep inside and make Sirius cry, he knew they needed to talk things through first.

Sirius arched his spine in a deep backwards curve, a desperate cry of need escaping him. Remus rubbed his fingers around his hole, pressing without going inside, over and over, a continuous growl of Sirius’ name leaving his mouth. Each press and rub drove his desire higher, along with the noises Sirius made. Sirius was crying now, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes in frustration as he strained to come and relieve the undoubtedly tight pressure in groin. Remus finally wound his fingers in Sirius’ hair and pulled tight at the base of his skull, tilting his head back and exposing his throat once more.

Remus dipped one finger to the first knuckle in Sirius’ hole the same time he took a large section of skin over his clavicle between his teeth, biting down with such force that he could taste a hint of blood, finally breaching his lover’s body. He registered the heat first and then focused on how bloody _tight_ it was, the soft muscles of his inner walls fluttering around the tip of his finger causing a twinge of jealousy in his cock.

Sirius screamed, the syllables for Remus’ name garbled and nearly indistinguishable, but heard all the same. He convulsed in Remus’ lap, the ripe astringent scent of cum thick in his nostrils and triggering his own intense orgasm. His cock pulsed out come for what felt like hours, his hips jerking until his thighs ached from the strain and pulling the air from his lungs, Sirius collapsing on his chest and gasping wetly into his shoulder. Remus wrapped shaking arms around Sirius’s lithe frame, soothing his juddering movements with a hand on his back.

They spent a long time just resting in each others’ arms, Sirius nuzzling into the warmth of his throat, pressing small kisses in to the sweat damp skin. Remus took a while to catch his breath, relishing in their closeness and a soul-deep sense of satisfaction that filled him with indescribable joy.

“Moony?”

“Hmm?”

“Where did you learn to talk like that?”

“Would you believe me if I said it just came out of nowhere? I just said what I thought.”

“Really? Good Godric, man. That was so filthy. I loved it.”

“Thanks? To be honest, last night was my first kiss, too. I’ve never been with anyone else.”

With a huff and seemingly large effort, Sirius pushed himself off of Remus’ chest enough to look at his face, his brows furrowed in disbelief and a touch of confusion.

“So that was your first kiss? And just now, that was the first time you’ve ever made someone else come?”

“Yes. Why, was it horrible? It seemed like you enjoyed everything from where I’m sitting.”

“Don’t be cheeky. You were brilliant and you know it. Remus, you’re a natural. Both with your body and your dirty mouth. I’ve never had an orgasm like that before.”

“Not even with a woman?”

“No. I like both, you know that I do, but this was… god, it was wonderful. I’d like to do all of this again, but naked.”

“You’re sure? I didn’t ask before I put my finger in your arse. It felt like the thing to do at the time, but I really should have asked.”

“Remus. Moony. Love of my life. That was perfect and so fucking hot. I think I might have seen heaven.”

Remus blushed a dull pink and gave his lover a wide smile, pride puffing up his chest.

“I’m glad. It was… _You_ were marvelous. I am also not opposed to a repeat performance. Many, many times, while naked.”

“You say the sweetest things, Moonpie.”

“Shut up and cuddle me, you fool. Harry will be awake sooner than we’re ready for.”

“Yessir!”

“Good boy. Now come here. I’m cold. Also sticky. We should probably shower, now that I think about it.”

“Later. It’s cuddle time. Hold me.”

“Whatever you’d like, love."

****************

The rest of the day passed in a haze of stolen kisses and cuddles on the couch with Harry, the boy still tired from the past few days and low on energy. Sirius hoped that Harry hadn’t caught a cold, and vowed to ask Molly what to do should the child fall ill. He hadn’t dealt with a sick child before, especially without someone experienced to fall back on. Lily had been training as a Healer before everything had fallen apart, and had she lived, she would have started up her training again before accepting a position at Saint Mungo’s. There was so much she and James would never do, little things like build a career or watch Harry grow up like they were supposed to.

If only he hadn’t suggested Peter as the secret keeper, or if he had read the signs that the other animagus was a traitor and a sneak, then they would still be here. There was a chance that he wouldn’t have told Remus how he felt, had they not been forced into such close quarters while raising Harry. He would never regret this morning or afternoon, even though the loss of his friends still hurt.

They had just finished supper, a creamy soup with vegetables prepared by Kreacher, who had actually responded to Harry’s greeting and thanks. It felt as if the old house elf was finally warming up to them, though he often heard grumbles of displeasure as he did the tasks asked of him. Sirius and Remus tried not to bother him, as he was older and hated them, and they didn’t want to force Kreacher to work more than necessary. They were grown men, after all, at least in the ways that counted, and could take care of themselves quite well.

Harry lay on the rug in the sitting room on his belly, Remus stretched out next to him and reading one of the newer children’s books he had picked up from their last trip to the library. Remus loved to take Harry out and about, the little boy soaking up the attention like a sponge. Sirius knew that Remus regretted how often he was away while active in the Order and on missions for Dumbledore, and how much of Harry’s life he had been absent for. Whenever he would visit the Potter house though, Harry had been keen on him, toddling after him or begging to be held.

Harry might not have his parents, but he had them; him and Moony both, and they would make sure Harry felt every bit of the love they had. Sirius had grown up without love from his parents, and before Hogwarts he had been a spiteful, angry child acting out to get attention, no matter how negative it was. When he had met James, Peter and Remus on the train, he’d finally known what friendship and acceptance was, and had been so happy when he’d been sorted into Gryffindor.

What House would Harry be, he wondered as he drank his tea; the same as his parents and himself, or maybe Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff? Hopefully not Slytherin, that nasty snake-ridden House of traitors and blood supremacists. No one of good standing had come out of that house, except for maybe Regulus. His brother had been a product of their home environment and of his schoolmates; rude and full of hate and spouting the same pureblood rhetoric their parents had.

He was glad that they were dead, his mother Walburga and his father, Orion. They had been spiteful, angry people, who hadn’t been hesitant to use dark magic on their eldest son when Sirius was only 15. His mother had hurled more than the _Cruciatus_ curse at him before he had escaped to the Potters via the Floo, the scar on his right thigh from a slicing curse radiating old pain.

He had been devastated by Euphemia and Fleamont’s deaths 2 years prior, Dragon Pox claiming their lives shortly before the Christmas holiday. Lily had told them about her pregnancy, and they had been overjoyed at the thought of a grandchild to spoil and love. They had been his parents more so than the people that had raised him, their love given freely and without expectations.

He regretted how things had ended with Regulus, though. Sirius had written him a letter on his brothers’ birthday; nothing more than a few lines wishing him health and to let Regulus know that he had remembered the date. Regulus disappeared after that, sometime between March and April, setting off the chain of events that led to their mother’s suicide and their father drinking himself to a stupor and suffocating on his own vomit in the locked study on the third floor. It was one of the reasons that he avoided that room; the family tapestry on the wall and that it had been there where Sirius had been punished his entire life the other two. That room was nothing more than horrible memories that he would rather avoid.

Remus was nearly done with the story, Harry snuggled close with his head on his folded arms, green eyes unfocused and breath deep with impending sleep. It was nearly 8 o’clock, all three of them more than ready to head to bed and sleep the rest of the night away. Sirius wouldn’t mind a repeat of the afternoon; just thinking about the orgasm Remus had drawn out of him and the cuddling afterwards made his toe curl and his breath hitch.

It was hard to believe that Remus hadn’t done anything with another person before. He had kissed him on Christmas with such skill and passion, and then he had used nothing more than his voice and his hands to make Sirius come on this very couch only hours before. The memories made his cock stir in his fleece pajamas, having changed out of his messy denim trousers after a quick, lonely rinse in the shower. Remus had refused to join him, stating that being in an enclosed space while naked and wet would not be conducive to good child-rearing practices.

“And they all lived happily ever after.”

“Again, Moon-ee?”

“Not tonight, love. It’s time for bed. We’ll have to skip your bath tonight.”

“‘K, Rem. Up now?”

“Yes, I’ll pick you up. Stand with me, will you? 3, 2, 1, and here we go!” Remus drew Harry into his arms and held him tight, the toddler wrapping his arms and legs around his torso like a monkey. Sirius stood too, following them up to his room like he had earlier for Harry’s nap.

Harry let Remus brush his teeth and change him into nappy and footie pajamas, asking for kisses from both Sirius and Remus before laying in his crib and closing his eyes, his thumb tucked in his mouth. Harry was so little, laid there in his crib, his black hair tousled and always messy, much like James’ had been. He shared Lily’s eyes and her button nose, though his ears stuck out a touch too far like his father’s had.

Sirius saw so much of them when he looked at their child, but more and more every day Harry took on the personalities of himself and Remus. Sirius had caught Harry looking at a book by himself just the other day, his head tilted and his mouth pursed in concentration like Remus tended to do. Harry also had the habit of barking like a dog when they were in public, a wide grin on his chubby little face while he looked to his godfather, the shared secret of his second self the cause of the sounds.

He hoped that Harry would never forget his parents, but knew that the boy was young, and the more time that passed, the less he would remember. Sirius had some photo albums, both Wizarding and Muggle, of his parents and the Marauders as young children and young adults that he looked at with Harry, but without them here interacting with him, their memories would eventually fade away. Harry hardly ever asked about his parents anymore, the occasional bad dream or the words 'mom' and 'dad' setting him off, but even that happened less and less as they went about their lives.

Remus turned at the bedroom door and beckoned him to the hall, pulling Sirius into a loose hug as the door closed most of the way behind them. Remus rested his cheek on top of Sirius’ head, the gesture soft and sending warmth through him. He returned the embrace, his arms wrapping around the other man’s waist with his palms resting on his firmly muscled back.

“I love you, Sirius.”

“I love you, too. Would you like to go back down and sit with the fire on, or did you want to go to bed? I’d like to sleep with you tonight, if you’re comfortable. Just to sleep, mind you. I’d rather not get naked in my room with Harry there, and while the thought of shagging you in Regulus’ bed is very tempting, that doesn’t appeal to me.”

“Don’t worry, Padfoot. Your virtue is safe for the night. Let’s brush our teeth and then go to bed; I’m knackered and could use 8 hours of rest.”

“I agree. After you, good sir.”

They separated and brushed their teeth in the bathroom at the end of the hall, standing much too close in the small space, jostling elbows and shoulders the way they had when at school, though the bathroom in their dormitory had been vastly larger than this one. They took turns going to the bathroom and then Sirius grabbed Remus by the wrist and pulled him into his room, the two of them sliding under the covers before settling down, Sirius with his head on Remus’ chest, his heart beating a soothing tempo under his cheek. Remus held him in his arms, squeezing him close to his body once more before whispering a summoning spell. A small orb of blue light floated to Harry’s crib, landing on the fabric coated rail near his head and casting a warm glow over his cherubic features.

“Goodnight, love.”

“G’night, Moony. Love you.”

Sirius closed his eyes and took a deep breath, his body relaxing into his mattress and the man underneath his cheek, love and contentment soothing him to sleep. He could feel Remus do the same, his body relaxing slowly and his breathing evening out, sleep overtaking him as well.

It was the best night of sleep he could recall having in this house, his two favorite people in the world safe and serene in the cocoon that was his little room.


	7. Pictures!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This isn't a typical chapter post, just some pictures of the boys that I felt everyone should see. This is my head canon for Harry, Sirius and Remus. I'm currently working on the actual 7th chapter, and am hoping to post it within the next few days. 
> 
> Also, I have over 1000 hits on this fic! I am so ecstatic and overjoyed with how this has been recieved. I want to thank each and every one of you for reading, bookmarking, subscribing and for leaving comments and kudos. I have had the idea for this fic since OOTP came out, and am so happy to be able to put words down. 
> 
> Stay safe and Covid free. 
> 
> All my love,  
> Mistress M

Little Harry. These kids are about 2 or something, so just imagine them shorter and chubby with more baby fat. Awwwww.

My Sirius! It's Ben Barnes, of course. I found a photo shoot with him wearing a black peacoat just like the one I wrote about and then his hair is so long and pretty. Nom nom.

My delicious Remus. This is Vasily Stepanov, a Russian actor. I know most people like Andrew Garfield as their fancast, but I like more of a rugged man. Also that 5 o'clock shadow. Yuuuum.

I also used an app to edit their eye colors, so please ignore how wacky it is. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These were all found on Google image search. They were chosen because they met my idea of what the boys look like.


	8. 31 December 1981-10 January 1982

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is A LOT of porn in this chapter. And I mean A LOT. We also see Andy and kid Tonks, who is sassy and dramatic. 
> 
> Enjoy! 
> 
> Oh! We finally hit and surpassed 50k words! YAAAAAY!!

On the 27th, Sirius had came home with a very large, very heavy, cardboard box. He had refused to tell Remus what was inside, only stating that it was a surprise and that all three of them would enjoy it. Curious and amused, Remus had watched the other man lug the box from the ground floor to the first without offering to help, only mentioning how the Animagus could have used a levitation charm once Sirius had entered the sitting room, sweat dripping down his aristocratic face.

Sirius had been less than amused, of course, cursing at the box and Remus while Remus and Harry had stood in the hall, laughing. Remus had given Sirius a kiss and then assisted with the unboxing. By that point, Harry had toddled over and was perched on his tip toes on the arm of the couch, trying to see what was hiding inside a box taller than himself. Sirius had used his wand to cut the corners of the mystery box, the spell cutting through cardboard and packing foam to reveal a dark brown television console. Sirius had stood with his hands braced on his hips, chest puffed with pride.

When Remus and Harry had offered no outward reaction, Sirius had plugged the device into the wall in the corner of the room and turned the power on, a loud cacophony of noises saturating the air. Harry fell to his padded bottom in shock and stared in wide-eyed wonder at the vibrant technicolor screen. Remus, too, was entranced, his attention caught by both Sirius’ handsome, animated face and the colors swirling on the small screen.

_“It’s a color TV! The shopkeeper said it was the newest one available, and that it had a screen a whopping 56 centimetres wide! I won’t tell you the cost, Moony dearest, because it’s sure to shock you, but it will be well worth it! I even got us a color TV license!”_

From that point on, they made a habit of sitting down after breakfast and watching Sesame Street with Harry for the 30 minutes it ran, and then ignored it until after Harry went to sleep for the night to watch the local news if they felt the need. Most nights after 8 PM were spent on the couch learning each others’ bodies and what they each liked and disliked, wrapped around each other in an intimate embrace.

Remus couldn’t remember a time when he had been so constantly aroused, not even when puberty struck at 13 and he had to hide his ever-present boner from his classmates. He and Sirius took every opportunity available to steal kisses and caresses, but with a toddler around, those opportunities were far and few between. They hadn’t moved further than clothed frottage, the both of them too desperate to get naked and too scared to be caught unawares by Harry waking early from a nap.

Remus now knew that Sirius loved having his neck bitten, his hickeys from Christmas and the day after continually remade before they had the chance to fully fade away. Remus was outwardly embarrassed by the scabbed mark forming low on the right side of Sirius’ neck where it met his shoulder, but internally he and Moony were both howling in victory at how well they had successfully marked their mate. Luckily enough, Moony’s ability to communicate in complete sentences had waned the farther away the full moon had become, but he had an inkling it would return with his next dose of Wolfsbane.

Sirius had likewise found that any attention paid to Remus’ neck ratcheted up Remus’ arousal to an unholy degree, causing orgasms faster than desired. Remus had been embarrassed at first with the speed he had come the first time Sirius had bitten behind his left ear, a low whine escaping his mouth before he had came in his trousers within 30 seconds. Sirius had noticed and was quick to reassure the werewolf that it had been ‘ _so hot Moony, oh my god!_ ’ and then Sirius had asked for the same treatment, coming himself less than a minute later.

Remus could now recognize the slight hitch in Sirius’ breathing that would prelude impending orgasm, and the way Sirius would whisper his name with equal parts reverence and disbelief as he came between them. Sirius loved to climb in his lap and kiss him until both of their mouths were blood hot and numb, until their eyes were dark with arousal and their hair mussed from overeager hands. His favorite part of the day was kissing Sirius, the love he had held secret for so many years now set loose in touches and words.

While part of him yearned to get naked and lose himself in Sirius’ body, another was glad for their glacier-slow pace. He was still a virgin, after all, so everything they shared between them was new and exciting while also a tad overwhelming.

Sirius invited him to share his bed every night, though they were careful to keep their activities to light kisses and cuddling. There had been many a morning wherein one of them woke with the other curled around his back, morning wood pressed tight to their arse, arms and legs wound together like a pretzel. Remus loved to hold and be held, drifting to sleep and waking with the same feeling of contentment warming him.

It was currently New Year’s Eve, Harry had been sound asleep for more than 3 hours, and the clock in the corner read 11:30. Remus was draped on the couch lengthwise with his back to the sofa cushions, Sirius in front of him facing the lit fireplace. They had shared orgasms a scant 30 minutes before, casting cleansing charms after the afterglow had faded enough for the sticky wetness to be annoying. Remus rested his lips over the healing wound left by his teeth a few days before, bestowing the area with closed mouth kisses and tiny kitten licks. Sirius was silent, satisfaction suffusing his scent, holding Remus’ arms close to his chest with his hands.

“Remus?”

“Hmm?”

“I love you.”

“I love you, too, Sirius.”

They fell silent then, watching as the clock on the wall opposite ticked closer to midnight and the new year that awaited them. At 11:45 Sirius spoke again, his voice low and husky with sadness.

“I miss them.”

“I do, too. I find myself forgetting that they’re gone, and then I remember that Harry won’t be going to Godric’s Hollow to sleep in his bed after a day spent with us.”

“I’m afraid that he’ll forget them, Moony. What will we do then?”

“We’ll do our best to keep their memory alive, love. You show him the picture books every day, and he can point to James and Lily when you ask. We should go and visit them.”

“I’m not sure that I can. I asked Dumbledore to take care of everything after… and while I was in Ministry holding, so there wasn’t a funeral or anything. It’s probably cowardly of me, but I couldn’t handle burying them by myself.”

“Hush now, my darling, I understand. We’ll go after the full next week and see them, alright? We’ll help Harry make something to leave for them, and we can say our goodbyes.”

Sirius was shaking in his arms now, small gasps escaping. Remus helped to turn his lover around to face him, urging the other man to rest in his head at the base of his throat, one of Remus’ hands cradling his nape while the other lay flat against his lower back. He shed tears for his lost friends too; tears for James and Lily, for Peter before he turned traitor and was considered a brother to them all, and lastly for Harry, who would never see his mother or father again.

The clock struck midnight, but neither man noticed. They had each other, and Harry, and love. They shared a bittersweet kiss at 12:01, starting the new year as they hoped to end it; together.

***************

New Year’s Day started with a high pitched giggle followed by the thumping of tiny feet. Sirius jerked awake and fell off of the couch, rolling onto the floor. The shock of it all made him cry out in surprise, Remus shooting upright and reaching for his wand in preparation for a fight. Old habits were hard to break; they had been at war a few months ago and hadn’t fully recovered. When he looked around and saw only Sirius sat on the rug and no visible threat, his brows furrowed adorably in confusion.

“Sirius? What happened?”

Harry laughed again, the monitoring charm they had cast the night before alerting them. They could hear him giggling, and then the sound of running, the charm following the toddler as he left Sirius’ room and to the baby gate at the top of the stairs. The gate was thankfully stuck in place with the strongest sticking charm Remus knew to make, but they could hear as Harry stood in front of it and shook the metal in place.

“Pads! Moon-ee! Harr-ee up!”

“Merlin’s balls! I thought we were under attack!”

“We are, in a sense. It’s just a pint-sized sprog instead of the Death Eaters.”

“Very funny, Padfoot. Let’s go get him before he decides to climb the walls.”

Remus helped him stand, the hand he offered warm and callused in his own. When Sirius stood in front of him, Remus smiled and placed a kiss on his mouth, and then led him to the stairs. Sirius was glad to follow him, attention focused on the shapely arse and muscled back in his view. They met Harry at the top of the forth floor, the little boy bouncing up and down with his curls in disarray. He shrieked when they came into view and then reached his arms up for Remus, who grabbed him under his arms and hoisted him above his head.

“Moon-ee, Harr-ee big!”

“You certainly are, Harry! How about we all use the loo and change our clothes? It’s the new year, so we should go out and celebrate!” Remus swung Harry onto his hip and took him to the restroom.

They took turns with their morning ablutions, Remus changing in his room while Sirius and Harry picked out warm clothes afterwards. Harry chose a soft red long-sleeve shirt and black cotton joggers for himself; Sirius chose a grey soft tee shirt and an over-sized zippered hoodie, a pair of dark blue denim trousers that hugged his thighs and arse, and his old Converse trainers. He tied his hair half-up in a messy bun and lined his eyes with black liner, something he hadn’t done since before the war, but had tried to do more often as Remus tended to go a bit stupid when he saw the kohl surrounding his grey eyes.

Harry was changed into a dry nappy and little shoes that matched Sirius’, his shirt covered with his own bright blue zippered sweatshirt. Harry grabbed him by the hand and walked them both to Remus’ room, pushing the door open and entering without knocking. Sirius was given a delightful view of Remus pulling a tee shirt over his head, his shoulder muscles drawn tight with the motion. His back was riddled with scars, but they didn’t phase Sirius, seeing as he had seen most of them before. He felt guilty for the few he didn’t recognize, as those were obtained during the time Remus was away for Dumbledore. He would give his soul to the devil to make sure Remus never spent another full moon alone.

“Moon-ee! Hi!”

“Hello, Harry.”

Remus finished with his shirt and turned around, grabbing his dark brown large knit cardigan from the foot of his bed and pulling that on as well. He leaned down and ruffled Harry’s already mussed black curls, placing a loud kiss on his chubby cheek. Harry returned the sweet gesture, though his kiss left more saliva behind than Remus’ had. Remus rose fluidly to his feet and pressed an intimate kiss to the side of Sirius’ mouth, Sirius turning his head to chase his plush lips for a deeper, more satisfying caress.

Harry pulled on his hand once more, and the men reluctantly broke apart, Sirius settling the boy on his hip as they walked down the stairs to the ground floor.

Remus went to the basement and told Kreacher that they would be gone until after lunch, making sure the elf didn’t prepare food for people not home. Remus returned upstairs and helped Harry and Sirius into their winter coats, his long fingers lingering on the buttons for Sirius’ black peacoat.

“You look ravishing, darling. Those trousers should be outlawed though; I don’t really like that everyone can see how delectable your arse looks in them.”

“I’m sure that you’ll be able to contain yourself, Moony.”

“Indubitably. Are you ready, gentlemen?”

“Ready!” Harry chirped, having pulled a hat onto his head and tiny mittens over his fingers.

Remus pulled on his own coat and brought the pram to the door, assisting Harry as he climbed in. He covered Harry’s legs and feet with a thick blanket and opened the door. Sirius went first, holding the front wheels as they descended the stairs to the pavement outside.

“Where are we going, exactly?” Sirius asked, walking alongside Remus just close enough for their elbows to brush.

“I thought we could find a nice cafe for breakfast, and then maybe an outdoor ice rink? I heard a commercial the other day that said they would close soon, so tickets are half price.”

“We can go to the cafe Andy and I went to; the food is filling and they have a children’s menu.”

“That sounds good to me. Lead the way, Mr. Black.”

*****************

After stuffing their faces with fluffy hotcakes, french toast and fruit, the trio traipsed along main street to the ice skating rink. The area was quite large, and as it was still early in the day, not yet crowded.

They put Harry in the tiniest skates Sirius had ever seen; Sirius chose a pair of black figure skates while Remus went for a stockier set of ice hockey skates in dark grey. They left the pram near some seats by one of the entrances, and held Harry’s hands as he balanced between them. The boy was wobbly but his face was stretched in a wide smile, the men with similar grins across their faces.

Between laps 2 and 3 Harry began to wane, his energy giving out along with his legs, though Sirius caught him and lifted him before he fell. He held the boy close to his chest and skated in slow circles, the motion sending Harry into a light sleep. Remus was in his element, skating forward and backwards, and then sluicing around a teenage girl in a wide half circle, his tawny hair stuck to his sweaty forehead. The young girl stared after him, her cheeks pink from more than the cold and her mouth dropped open in awe.

“He’s really quite handsome, isn’t he, Harry? Somehow he’s all mine.”

Harry snored in response, his arms and legs loosely twined around Sirius’ torso. When he skated close to the exit he went through and set Harry in the pram, laying the seat back and covering him with his blanket after removing his skates and putting his little shoes back on. Sirius sat and watched as Remus raced with two young boys, the boys struggling to keep up but laughing anyway.

Sirius replaced his skates with his Converse and took in his surroundings. The weather was warm, for January, the sky a pale blue with wisps of white clouds here and there. They had been at the rink for a little over an hour, and in that time there was now 20 or so people enjoying the facilities. What looked like a child’s birthday party was clustered around neon balloons and a large cake set in the middle of a row of tables on the opposite side of the rink, two harried adults racing around with presents and plates.

In a little over a week, it would be Regulus’ birthday. He would have been 20 years old; would he have lived that long, being a Death Eater? Would the war have claimed him too, like so many others? Even though Regulus had stood on the wrong side of the war, he had still been his brother. They had been so close as young children, thick as thieves and so alike they could have been twins. After Sirius had gone to Hogwarts and had been sorted into Gryffindor, their relationship had changed drastically. Regulus had been left alone in Grimmauld Place with their parents without Sirius there to keep him safe for over a year.

When Regulus had joined him at Hogwarts the next year and had been placed in Slytherin, and the divide grew even wider. Sirius had had the Marauders, and their group had no room for a fifth boy a year behind them. If he could go back, he would try harder to include his brother more; maybe they would be able to avoid the entire Death Eater thing, and Regulus would still be alive.

Remus raced over then, sliding to a stop directly in front of them. He put his hands on the railing and leaned his upper body over the top, his face stopping close to Sirius’. Sirius’ eyes automatically dropped to Remus’ lips; Remus licked them and then grinned.

“Hullo, Padfoot.”

“Hi, Moony.” Sirius replied softly, thoroughly distracted.

Remus’ grin gained a hint of smugness, his eyes darkening with arousal as Sirius’ attention stayed on his mouth. Remus had a small scar on the corner of his upper lip, the skin a touch rougher than the rest, and Sirius loved to suck on it and make Remus moan. If they weren’t in such a public place, he would pull Remus to him by his collar and into a deep kiss.

While being with a man wasn’t as uncommon in the Wizarding realm, gay and bisexual men were still treated with harsh stigma in the Muggle world. HIV/AIDS had caught Muggle attention in large numbers last year, though Wizards were unaffected by the disease due to some part of their genetic make-up that included their magical powers and affinities.

Someone nearby laughed loudly and Remus pulled away before moving to the door and exiting the rink to join Sirius on the bench. He removed his skates and laced up his short burnt-copper leather boots, which had been one of the gifts from Sirius two years before on Remus’ birthday. He had used the same spell he had placed on his Converse, wherein the shoes would continue to look brand new no matter how old they actually were.

Sirius loved when Remus wore the clothes he bought for him, especially when he could tell that Remus favored them over his other things. Remus tended to wear ill-fitting clothing that hid his physique, and that were older and more worn. Sirius knew that it was because Remus didn’t have very much money, especially after his parents had passed away last year and his childhood home had been sold to pay off the debts.

“Are you ready for lunch?” Remus asked him, standing and offering his hand to pull Sirius up.

Sirius nodded and took the proffered hand, squeezing Remus’ fingers in his own before letting go and releasing the breaks on the pram. They started towards Grimmauld Place, stopping at small fish and chip vendor for lunch. Harry woke up and ate his lunch with gusto, carefully sipping from a cup of juice in between bites.

“Today was really nice, Moony. I’m glad we went out.”

“Me, too. I haven’t gone skating in years; I was a little afraid that I wouldn’t remember how, but it all came back to me as soon as we went on the ice. Harry had fun, too, didn’t you, love?”

“Yes, Moon-ee. Harr-ee skate!”

“That you did, sprog! You did wonderfully. Would you like more chips?” Sirius added, rubbing Harry’s hat into his head.

“Please!”

They finished their lunch and began walking once more, Harry demolishing a large helping of chips and his cup of juice while Remus and Sirius plodded quietly along. It was almost 1 o’clock, and they hurried back home in time to watch Christmas movies on the new television and drink hot chocolate by the fire.

Kreacher greeted them at the door with a platter of tea and biscuits, Harry yelling in delight as soon as he saw the house elf.

“Hi Reacher! Thanks!”

“Master Harry is very welcome.”

Kreacher made a point of turning away when Remus and Sirius tried to thank him as well, setting the tray on a side table and moving to the basement stairs instead.

“I honestly think we’re growing on him, Moony. He didn’t insult us this time!”

“I think you’re right, Padfoot. What do you think, Harry? Does Kreacher seem nicer to you?”

“Reacher nice!”

“Of course, of course. Time for our movie marathon! Aren’t you glad I brought home the TV, Moony?”

“If I admit enjoying it, will you tell me how much it cost?”

“Never!”

“Then no, Sirius, I hate it.”

“You are a bad liar, Mr. Lupin. Don’t you agree, Mr. Potter?”

“Moon-ee nice, Pads!”

“It seems that Mr. Potter is on my side, Mr. Black. Come along, Mr. Potter. Tea and biscuits await.”

“Yay!”

**************

The next day brought sleet and a drop in temperature, though 12 Grimmauld Place was warm and cozy. Andromeda and her daughter, Nymphadora ‘call me Tonks!’, had arrived after breakfast to bring Remus his Wolfsbane Potions for the next week. Harry was entranced by the young Metamorphmagus and her ability to change her features at whim, the boy asking for various farm animals until Tonks grew bored and asked if she could explore the house. They were all sat at the kitchen table with cups of tea, coffee and water, freshly sliced fruit and a plate of cucumber sandwiches.

“Stay out of the locked room on the third floor, please. I’d rather no one go in there, but the rest of the house is fair game. There’s a telly in the first floor sitting room; there’s sure to be something on that you’d like if you wanted to watch it.”

“Thanks, Sirius. I’ll be careful!”

“Mind your manners, miss, or we’ll be having words later.”

“Yes, Mum.” Tonks rolled her eyes and stomped up the stairs.

“She acts more like a teenager every day, I swear.” Andy said dryly, adding a cube of sugar to her black coffee and a sandwich to her plate.

As soon as Tonks flounced up the stairs and out of sight, Andromeda folded her arms on the table and turned to Sirius.

“Why are you living here, Sirius? I would have thought that you, of all people, would hesitate to live here after what happened before.”

“There’s nowhere else to go, Andy. Grimmauld Place was the most heavily protected place that I could think of to take a child. After Halloween, my first priority was to protect Harry. How I feel about this place doesn’t matter.”

In the chair next to him, Sirius sat slouched over with his elbows on the table and his hands in his hair. Remus discreetly laid his hand on Sirius’s knee and gave his lover a gentle squeeze. While Remus knew how much Sirius had suffered when growing up here, he had been so distracted by Harry and their budding romance to realize just how uncomfortable Sirius must truly be. Did Sirius look at the place they currently called home and struggle to look past his trauma? How much was he suffering, spending his days and nights in a place he had vowed never to return to when he was but a teenager?

Andromeda reached out and put a chocolate glazed biscuit on Sirius’ plate before saying, “I would offer for you to bring Harry to our place, cousin, but we don’t have the charms that this old mausoleum does. I want you to feel safe, of course I do, but you can’t mean to stay here long term. It isn’t healthy.”

Sirius rubbed his right temple with two fingers and a let loose a heavy sigh before he dropped both hands to his lap under the table, slotting his fingers between Remus’ own. Before they had gone to sleep last night, Sirius had said that he had told his cousin about their new relationship when she offered to bring the potions here instead of meeting somewhere else to pass them off. He had admitted to Remus that she had discovered how he felt when they had met last, so what was the point of hiding?

Remus was glad that he could offer Sirius comfort when he was so obviously distressed. Harry had abandoned his sandwich for his own biscuits and held one in each fist, his mouth smeared with melting chocolate. Harry was at the head of the table for once, with Remus and Sirius on one side and Andromeda on the other, Tonks’ plate empty at her seat near the bottom seat. Andromeda smiled as she wet a linen napkin with a murmur of _aguamenti_ and cleaned his face. Harry gave her a close mouthed grin and stuffed another piece of biscuit in his mouth, crumbs falling to the table.

“I know that we should’t stay here for much longer, but what other choice do we have? My family has property in Italy, Spain and America, but everyone we love lives here. I refuse to uproot Harry and leave the country while doing so. I could buy a flat or something, but those are harder to put spells on than a home.”

“After my parents were killed last February, I found a deed for some property in Scotland. I guess we had ancestors or something that had left my mum proprietor of 200 acres near Glen Tanar. I was going to tell you about it eventually, Padfoot, because it would be the perfect place to live while Harry is at Hogwarts. We could move there now, but it’s a bit far away, same as the other places you mentioned.”

“That will definitely come in handy later, but I think we should stay close by. I like that Harry has the Weasley children to play with, and I feel as if Molly and Arthur could be close friends, given enough time.”

“I’m sure that you both will figure something out. I’ve got another errand to run while I’m in London, so I should track down Dora and then we can be on our way.”

All three of them stood, Sirius settling Harry on his hip, and went up the stairs in search of Tonks. They found her in the sitting room where she had the television tuned on a game show, the girl laid on her belly in front of the console. She groaned dramatically when she saw them enter the room, and rolled to her back, pouting at her mother.

“I don’t want a haircut, mum, or a new dress. Can’t I just stay here while you go shopping? They’ve got a T.V. and everything!”

“I’m afraid not, darling. Picture day is on Monday, and your hair is a mess. What about a nice shirt instead of a dress? We could get you a new pair of denims and some trainers, if you want.”

“Ugh, fine. Nothing pink! Bye, Sirius. It was nice to meet you, Remus. And you too, Harry!” She gave Harry a kiss on the cheek and ran down the stairs.

“I’d best follow her down, so I’ll see you both next month. Do you want me to come here again on the first?”

“That sounds just fine. Let me walk you out. Go and see Remus, Harry. I’ll be right back!”

Remus and Harry sat on the sofa and found a channel with some inane children’s show as Sirius and Andromeda went downstairs where Tonks was most likely waiting impatiently by the front door. Harry snuggled into Remus’ side and put his thumb in his mouth, his attention fully captured by the colors and music from the television.

Sirius returned just as a commercial came on and flopped on Remus’ other side. He jostled his way under Remus’ arm and pressed a small kiss to the base of his throat and laid his head against his shoulder. Remus held him close, twining their fingers together when Sirius reached across his belly for his hand.

“She’s my favorite cousin, you know. She was always so kind to me, and then when she met Ted and they got married, she was the only one other than Alphard that I could stand to be around.”

“I’m glad that you have her. She’s lovely. She was right though.”

“About what?”

“We can’t stay here, Sirius. I’ve been so distracted, what with Harry and everything that’s happened since I got here, that I failed to really see how much you must hate living here. I’m sorry I didn’t notice earlier, love.”

“I’ve been distracted too, Moony. It’s been so hectic that I’ve been able to kind of forget how horrible being here again is. Things are a bit different now, though; mother, father and Regulus are gone, so it hasn’t been too bad. You and Harry make this place feel more like a home, honestly.”

“I feel the same way. I don’t really care where we are, so long as the both of you are there with me. We should still look for somewhere else though. You should be happy where you live.”

“So should you, Remus. Look, what I’m about to say is gonna make you uncomfortable, but I already did it so don’t be too upset with me. I wrote a letter to Gringott’s on Monday and added you to my vault. And James’.”

“What?”

Sirius sat upright and faced him, keeping a tight grip on their joined hands.

“I know, I know! After we got together on Boxing Day I didn’t see any point to wait. I love you, Remus, and I don’t see myself ever loving anyone else. If it was legal, I’d ask you to marry me right now! What’s mine is yours, and I want to share my life with you. We already live together, and are basically Harry’s parents now. Most couples share money, right? Please don’t be mad at me.”

Remus couldn’t do more than blink in shock, his eyes wide and fingers slack in Sirius’ grasp. He was stuck on one thing, the phrase circling ‘round like a merry-go-round on high speed in his head.

“You want to marry me?” he whispered. Sirius gave him a soft smile and cupped his cheek with his other hand. He leaned forward and dropped a kiss on Remus’ mouth.

“Of course I do, you big idiot,” Sirius gave him another kiss and sat back once more. “You’re it for me, Moony. Are you very sore with me? Only I told you about the vaults and you’re not yelling at me.”

“I hate the thought of taking your money, you know that, but it’s not unexpected, at least not from you. You’ve always made grand gestures for your friends, Padfoot. What’s a few thousand Galleons between lovers, eh?”

“401 million, actually. That’s from all three of my vaults, mind you; the Black, Potter and the small one Alphard left me. It’s about £2,005,000,000.1 Most if it is from the Potter vault though. Fleamont invented Sleekeazy’s Hair Potion, did you know that? I heard that he quadrupled the family wealth!”

“ _401 million?! Over £2 billion?! What the_ ** _fuck_** _?!_ ” Remus had surely heard that incorrectly. There was no possible way that it was that much! Were his ears stuffed with cotton balls?

“Erm, yes?” Sirius cocked his head to the side in confusion.

“ _OH MY FUCKING GOD, SIRIUS_!” Remus was yelling now, he realized, and he felt faint.

“Fuck!” Harry chirped. Remus had forgotten that he was even in the room. Sirius laughed and jumped up to tickle Harry’s tummy, kneeling on the floor in front of the couch to reach him, the boy collapsing into high pitched giggles and squeals.

“That’s a grown up word, Mr. Potter!” he said to Harry, and then to Remus said, “It’s not like you’re going to steal it all, Remus. I’m not worried that you’ll run away in the middle of the night and leave me destitute. I trust you.”

Remus felt queasy; how could a person trust _anyone_ with that amount of money? Harry lunged at his godfather and they ended up on the rug, wrestling for dominance. Sirius was holding back and pretended to lose, Harry sat astride his chest with his knees tucked under Sirius’ armpits. He was floored by the trust that his lover had placed in him, his nausea fading as tenderness and love took its’ place. He joined Harry and Sirius on the floor, tickling the other man under his rib cage.

“Oi! What the hell, Moony? You aren’t allowed to team up and attack me! Foul play, gents!”

“All’s fair in love and war, Padfoot. Don’t be a sore loser. Right, Harry?”

“Yes! Pads lose!”

“Rude! I’m going to sic Molly on you both! Ack, not there, Remus!”

Remus had both palms on Sirius’ waist and was wiggling his fingers into the supple flesh. Sirius flailed side to side, Harry dropping to rest chest-on-chest to avoid falling off, giggling madly. Remus hoped that this new year brought them more moments like this one; they had earned it, after all. For now, he would enjoy every day where he woke up and got to have this.

****************

As soon as Sirius stepped from the Floo after dropping off Harry, he was grabbed by rough, callused hands and tugged to the sofa. Remus had already taken off his shirt and was down to his pajama bottoms, and was quick to relieve Sirius of his own shirt as well. Sirius found himself staring at the ceiling with Remus propped above him on his hands and knees on the sofa, nuzzling Sirius’ bellybutton.

“Hullo, darling. Molly and the kids are just fine, thanks for asking. Arthur thinks a snow storm is heading our way, so we should probably stay here tonight.”

“Mmmm.”

“Harry was so happy to play with Ron that he barely said goodbye before running off.”

“Mmm-hmm.”

“I think I might cut my hair again.”

“ _No_.” Remus growled and lifted his head, his amber eyes hidden by his pupils. Sirius cupped his face and rubbed his cheekbone with his thumb. Remus leaned into the gesture, closing his eyes and emitting what sounded like a purr.

“I wasn’t serious, love. We both love my hair too much for me to cut it. I look much more attractive with it longer. I just wanted your attention. You’re acting a bit strange, is all.”

“Mmm. Moon’s strong. Want you. Please?”

“Is it always like this?”

“Mmm-hmm. Can usually hide it. Not today. Have you, now. _Want you_.”

“Take me, then.”

“ _Sirius_.”

“I mean, to a certain degree. I’m still a virgin in all the ways that count, you know that I am. I’m not opposed to handies or a bowjob, though!”

“Sirius. Hush now.”

“Right, sorry, hushing now. Only this is a frequent fantasy of mine; you ravishing me on the day of the full moon or even the day after. And now it’s happening and I’ve never gotten hard so fast before so I’m a little loopy-”

Remus had crawled to where their faces were even and had pressed a hard kiss to his mouth, stopping his unattractive rambling and capturing his attention quite effectively. Sirius returned the kiss with enthusiasm, opening his mouth for Remus’ tongue as soon as he licked across the seal of his lips. Sirius draped his arms over Remus’ shoulders and fisted his hair in both hands at the back of the other man’s head.

Remus growled into their kiss and angled his head, their tongues sliding together twice before Remus lifted his head. Sirius could only stare at his lover as Remus licked his lips as if savoring his taste, a red flush high on his cheekbones with sweat beading on his hairline. He hadn’t lied when he had said that this was a fantasy he had often; after realizing exactly how he felt about Remus during the fall after they had graduated, his imagination had run rampant with scenarios just like this one. His didn’t know what exactly to expect, but he was excited to find out.

He struggled to catch his breath, but lost it again as soon as Remus attached his teeth to his neck. Sirius let out a loud gasp as Remus found the healing scar from Boxing Day that he had left between his right shoulder and his neck, his teeth slotting right into place over the older indentations. Remus didn’t bite very hard, not like when he made the mark, but he could feel the tension coiled tight in the body above him as he held himself back. Sirius registered soft, wet pressure on his skin, wondering just when he had closed his eyes and opening them with too much effort for 9 am.

“Moony.”

“Hmm?”

“I love you.”

“Love you.” Remus mumbled into his neck, his tongue tracing random patterns on his skin.

Sirius clenched his fingers tighter in Remus’ tawny hair and brought their mouths back together, taking Remus’ lower lip between his teeth and biting down. The werewolf growled and retaliated by scratching his nails through the hair under his navel. Sirius arched his hips into the touch and released Remus’ hair and his lip with a gasp, the other man taking advantage by pulling away and dragging his tongue down the middle of Sirius’ chest to meet the waistline of his trousers.

“ _Oh god_. Are you gonna-”

“ _Yes_.” Remus rasped, his voice deep and sending shivers through Sirius’ body.

“Remus, oh god. Please?”

“Yes. Now?”

“Moony! Yes, now!”

“Mmm, smells good.”

Remus carefully pulled his trousers down his hips, Sirius lifting his arse from the sofa to help. When his naked cock was bared to the others’ gaze for the first time, Sirius blushed crimson. Remus didn’t notice though, not with the way his mouth dropped open to breathe deeper and how his pupils swallowed his irises until all he could see was black. Sirius was glad that he had taken the time to trim while in the shower the night before; while he hadn’t exactly expected for Remus to see his groin today, he had hoped. It wasn’t illegal to hope that your werewolf lover what be extra randy around the full, was it?

When it had been long enough for Sirius to feel awkwardness creep in, Remus gave his head a little shake and braced his hands on the cushion below them. He brought his mouth to the head of Sirius’ cock and gave the spongy tip a small kiss, the touch soft as butterfly wings.

“Please!” Sirius begged, his hands in his own hair now, all of his muscles tense from anticipation and desire. He could feel Remus’ breath waft warm and moist just over his dick and was impatient for something, _anything_ , to happen.

Luckily he didn’t have to wait too long, because as soon as he began to get nervous again Remus finally took the head of his dick into his mouth and then Sirius couldn’t think at all. Every nerve ending seemed to be centered in his cock; Remus was suckling on the tip and didn’t show any indication of moving further down the shaft.

“ _Remus!_ ”

The other man hummed, the vibrations so strong they felt like static electricity, drawing a high-pitched whine from Sirius’ throat. Remus repeated the sound and slowly slid his mouth down Sirius’ cock, stopping at the fist had had wrapped around the base. Sirius could feel Remus swallow, the pressure of his throat muscles so tight and his mouth so hot and wet, Sirius’ lungs burning as he struggled to breathe. He couldn’t stop moaning and gasping; he’d be embarrassed later, but right now he didn’t give a damn what he sounded like.

While dragging his tongue along the bottom and sucking as he raised and lowered his head at a fast pace over Sirius’ cock, Remus kept one hand at the bottom and the other crept in between his arse cheeks. Sirius could feel the fingers brush through the downy hair around his hole, but didn’t fully realize what their goal was until he felt a fingertip nudge at the tightly furled entrance, the way eased with magically produced slick. Remus pushed until the entire finger rested inside, Sirius overwhelmed by the mouth sucking his soul through the tip of his dick and the finger wedged so deep it could have been in his throat. It was all too much; too much sensation, too much pleasure, too much _wethotwarmtight_.

He could feel tears pool on the pillow under his head, could hear the whines and gasps his lungs strained to release, and tried his best not to thrust his hips too hard lest he make his lover choke. The finger inside of him began to move, prodding blindly until it touched _something_ and then all of a sudden he was coming. He could feel as Remus swallowed again and again around the head of the dick lodged in his throat, his orgasm extended as that damned finger in his arse found that spot again and bloody _tapped_ on it.

“Ah! R-Remus! Moony! I c-can’t-!”

Remus finally lifted his head, his voice deep and raspy when he spoke, as if he had spent the morning gargling glass shards; Sirius knew that it was because of him and his dick, pride joining the emotions swirling through him to be processed later.

“You _can_. You _will_. Again, Sirius.”

“No, it’s too much!”

“Yes. _Now_.”

Sirius shook his head so quickly he got dizzy, but the tell-tale tingle up his spine signaling another orgasm before he had even registered the voraciousness of his current one. His balls ached at this point, sore from the copious amount of semen he’d shot down Remus’ throat and into his belly, but more pulsed out from the tip and puddled in his belly button. Remus rubbed the spot inside of him, his second orgasm merging into a third faster than he was prepared for.

He’d never come so fast or so quickly before, even at the height of puberty. His fingers and toes were numb, leg and arm muscles lax, abdomen covered in thick ribbons of white. He could feel as Remus removed his finger with one last press against the nub he’d tortured, his legs twitching with over stimulation. Remus pressed a kiss on his left hipbone and then he straddled Sirius’ waist and began to jerk off, his eyes roving all over the body underneath him. His had one hand on his dick and the other at his mouth, his pointer and middle finger between his lips as he sucked hard enough his cheeks were drawn taut inward.

With a jolt of arousal that made his spent cock twitch, he realized that one of those fingers had been inside of him, and that Remus was sucking the taste of him into his mouth. Remus’ eyes were locked to his, the stare intense and captivating. He found himself at a crossroads now; he wanted to keep eye contact, wanted to watch as Remus’ fat dick was strangled by his fist, and wanted to watch as he performed fellatio on his fingers.

He flitted his eyes from place to place as Remus stroked his cock faster, twisting his fist at the tip and corkscrewing his way to the base over and over until he started to come. What seemed like _gallons_ of cum landed on Sirius’ torso and his chin, the viscous fluid thick and so hot it burned on contact with his skin. Remus had his head thrown back and his teeth bared in a snarl, his eyes squeezed tight as he used both hands to draw more semen from his orgasm-thickened dick. Sirius was struck anew by the beauty Remus possessed and was in denial of, the light from the window limning his hair in gold and highlighting the auburn stubble on his jaw, his neck taut and shoulders broad with wiry muscle.

Remus fell forward as soon as he stopped coming, their cum mixing and beginning to cool between them. Remus tucked his head in the hollow of Sirius’ throat and gulped humid air into his lungs, his weight a steady tether holding Sirius down to Earth. Sirius wrapped his arms around Remus’ back and drew circles absently in the sweat-damp skin. They lay in silence for a long while, only stirring when Remus’ stomach let loose a loud growl that was echoed moments later by Sirius.

“Are you ready to eat, darling?” Sirius whispered into the crown of his lover’s head.

Remus nodded but stayed in place, absently nuzzling the skin under his mouth.

“Moony?”

“Hmm?”

“I’m hungry.”

“Mmmkay.”

“That means we need to move, Moony. So we can eat.”

“Yes.”

“Remus. Moony. Feed me.”

“I’ll feed you, alright.” Remus snarked and then raised his head, eyes finally clearing of the haze of arousal from earlier. He seemed more articulate as well.

“Feed me food. We can try other things later.”

“Mmm, do you promise?”

“Only if you make me a cheese toastie, STAT.”

“If I must.”

“Yes, please. I’ll love you forever and ever!”

“You’ll love me anyway, you giant tosser.”

“You know, I almost prefer monosyllabic Moony to this sassy berk you’re imitating.”

“Oh, do you now? This sassy berk was gonna make you brunch, but now that you’ve insulted me I think I’m just going to lay here a while longer.”

“Nooo. Moony, I’m _literally starving_. Can’t you see that I’m wasting away? Don’t pretend to fall asleep!”

“Can’t cook. Sleeping.”

“Remus!” Sirius whined, legs lifting to cradle Remus’ hips.

He’d been so certain that Remus was faking it that the snore in his ear caught him by surprise, a squawk leaving his mouth.

“Oi! Wake up! You’ve left me here to die!”

Remus continued to snore, his body grown heavy with sleep. Sirius admitted defeat and succumbed to his own exhaustion, thoughts of crisp cheese toasties lulling him to sleep as well.

*************

The morning blended into early afternoon like this:

“ _Remus_! Oh god,oh god, oh _god_.”

“Come for me, Sirius.”

“ _Please!_ ”

“You beg so pretty when you’re desperate. I love when you get like this. You smell so good, love. Like warm spices and salt water and like me. You’re _mine_. Say it. Tell me who you belong to.”

“Oh god. You.”

“Me, what? _Say it_.”

“ _Remus_! I b-belong to you.”

“Yes, love, you do. Your skin is drenched in my come; I can smell how much you like that. Should I add some more? Come for me, so I can, too.”

“I can’t!”

“One more time, sweetheart. You can give me one more, can’t you? Just one? Please?”

“N-no! _Moony_! Ah!”

“There it is. Oh, love, there’s hardly anything left, is there? Have I wrung you dry?”

“ _Ngh_! Oh!”

“Hush now, darling. You were wonderful. Rest, I’ve got you.”

*************

By 2 o’clock, they no longer had words to speak, their minds and bodies solely focused on pleasure. They were on the rug in front of the fireplace, the flames burned down to a smoldering pile of embers and ash. Sirius lay on his back with his legs entwined around Remus’ hips and his arms wrapped over his taut shoulders, their bare cocks sliding together with a mixture of cum and magical slick, another orgasm spiraling from the base of his spine. Remus was propped on his knees and forearms, his hands buried in Sirius’ sex-tousled hair and his mouth firmly attached to Sirius’ swollen lips. The kiss was more of shared panting than actual kissing, the desire for contact overriding the need to breathe.

With a particularly rough thrust, Remus’ dick shifted to the damp, secret space under Sirius’ drawn-tight balls and glanced off of his hole. Sirius wanted so badly in that moment for his lover to force his way inside his body and possess him wholly, going so far as tilting his hips a fraction more to make the motions easier. His own cock throbbed against his belly, his hands raising to Remus’ sweat-damp hair where they gripped so tightly his knuckles ached, and he threw his head back to thrash back and forth against the plush rug beneath them.

“Please! Remus, fuck me! _Please!_ ”

“N-not yet. W-wanna do it right. Oh, god, Sirius. Fuck, I can feel your hole at the tip of my dick! Are you still tight, or have my fingers loosened you up like the little whore you are?”

“Remus! I-”

“I’m gonna come, Sirius, _fuck_!”

Remus’ thrusts took on a frantic, animalistic pace, his hips moving so fast that Sirius’ legs fell to lay open on the floor, both men moaning their shared pleasure to the sex-scented air surrounding them. Sirius could tell that his hole was still loose and slick from an earlier romp on the couch, when Remus had worked two thick fingers inside and battered his abused prostate (that’s what Remus had called the magical spot inside of his arse that transcended him to another plane of existence) until he sobbed and came twice in a row with little respite between orgasms.

“ _Sirius!_ ”

“Oh, oh, oh! Remus, please, love!”

“ _Yes!_ ”

With one last thrust forward Remus’ cock head pushed roughly against his tight hole, the spongy tip hot and wet, and then he was coming, thick globs of white striping the area and his belly when Remus pulled back to pump the base of his dick with his hand. Sirius only needed to rub his own cock on Remus abs twice to come himself, a small, sad amount of cum dribbling out.

Remus collapsed to his back at Sirius’ side and they lay there staring up at the ceiling while they caught their breath. Sirius reached out and linked their pinkie fingers together, reveling in the closeness and intimacy.

*************

By the time the moon had risen high in the night sky, Sirius felt like a bowl of jelly. His limbs were shaky and weak, he felt as if he had bathed in his and Remus’ cum, and his body was littered with finger-shaped bruises and teeth marks. He was surprised by how many times Remus had made him orgasm; he’s lost count somewhere about 8, sometime after mid afternoon. Remus had came at least twice that amount, his werewolf metabolism heightened by the oncoming full moon. He wondered if it would be like this every full, and didn’t know whether he dreaded or looked forward to them.

Currently, he was in Padfoot’s skin, Moony curled around him with his snout resting on Sirius’ rump while Sirius rested on his in return. They were on his bed, surrounded by blankets and dirty clothes, Remus having gone through the room like a whirlwind as the sun sunk low and creating a make-shift nest that smelled of them. He’d added Harry’s white blanket at the end, a sad, bitter smile on his face. Sirius knew how much Remus loved the little boy, but they both felt it was safer for him to be elsewhere.

Moony was snoring now, his large muzzle slightly open with his tongue lolling out the side. Even like this, Sirius thought his lover was handsome; he wasn’t attracted to regular wolves, only one man that turned into one who liked elbow patches and old books. Sirius was feeling tired as well, the days’ events catching up with him. He was sore, certainly, though wished that he had been able to reciprocate more throughout the day. As the fog of sleep rolled over him, he made tentative plans to greet his lover with something special when the sun rose once more.

**************

Sirius awoke as soon as Remus began to thrash and cry out, the transformation coming too swift as it always did. He longed for a way to ease the pain, but no matter what spells or potions they had tried in school and after, before the war had taken hold, nothing worked. He sat on his haunches as Padfoot until at last Remus had sloughed off Moony’s wolf skin, and then turned back into a man fast enough to catch Remus as he tilted dangerously to the side of the bed. He gently laid him down among their nest and cast cleansing and the few healing charms he knew, lifting Remus’ head high enough for him to swallow some Healing Potion Andromeda had brewed last month.

He made sure that Remus was covered enough for modesty if not warmth, and fell back into a light doze.

**************

Remus became aware of two things as soon as he woke up a few hours later; he wasn’t in a large amount of pain like he had expected to be in after a full moon, and his dick was in someone’s mouth. He knew it was a mouth because of the tongue he could feel rubbing up and down his cock and the hint of teeth that grazed the head on each upward pass. He carefully opened his gritty eyes and stared down at the head between his spread legs.

Sirius’ storm grey eyes looked back up at him, hazy with arousal and pupils blown wide. Sirius’ hands were tight on Remus’ hips to keep him in place, and his plump lips were swollen from friction. Remus couldn’t say how long he’d been asleep while receiving his first blow job, but he hoped it hadn’t been too long; he didn’t want to miss the sight of his lover’s mouth stretched around his cock more than he already had.

He carded his fingers through Sirius’ messy locks a few times before gripping tight at the crown of his head and tilting his own head back, using his hand to move Sirius up and down his dick at a faster pace than the one the Animagus had set for himself. He couldn’t do more than groan in response to the whine his lover made in response. He was careful to keep his hips thrusting in slow, rolling movements so as not to overwhelm Sirius. He must have pushed the other man’s head down at the same moment he jerked his hips up, as the sound of gagging and the vibrations caused were strong enough his breath stopped and he had to remind himself to let go so that they both could breathe.

Sirius was stubborn and refused to lift his head all of the way off, suckling at the tip of Remus’ cock as if it were a lollipop before taking a deep gulp of air and bobbing his head up and down. The inside of Sirius’ mouth was hot and the gentle suction made it tight as well, saliva escaping from the corners of his lips faster than he could swallow. Remus’ cock nudged the back of Sirius’ throat, and to his surprise, Sirius didn’t choke.

Remus’ hips took up the rocking motion once more of their own volition, speeding up or slowing down in tandem with Sirius’ ministrations. It wasn’t long before he could feel his orgasm building low in his belly, flashes of heat warring with the gooseflesh that erupted over every inch of his skin. A small puddle of spit pooled in his wiry pubic hair the closer his orgasm came, Sirius making greedy little sounds high in his throat as he bobbed his head and swallowed precum even faster, lashing his tongue in and out of the divot on the tip of Remus’ dick.

He couldn’t decide what to focus on more; the soft hair wound through his fingers, Sirius’ own fingers clenched so tight around his hipbones that he could feel the soreness of oncoming bruises, or the heat around his cock. Sirius made eye contact once more as Remus watched him take his fat dick between his lips over and over, the rush of Remus’ orgasm raging through him as grey eyes met amber overtaking his senses. Sirius held his cock captive at the back of his throat and allowed Remus’ cum to shoot directly into his belly, struggling to keep the thick fluid in his mouth as he swallowed.

Remus had to close his eyes as the last dollop of semen surged from the tip of his dick and into his lover’s mouth, his muscles steadily relaxing as Sirius nursed at his softening cock. Sirius pulled back at last, gasping for air and resting his forehead over the hand he had clenched around Remus’ left hip. Remus took a hand from his black tresses and gave Sirius a feeble pat on the head before sleep overtook him once more and darkness filled his vision.

****************

They tumbled through the Floo and into the Burrow later than they had planned, apologies falling from swollen lips and hair still mussed with sleep. Molly and Arthur shared a look, remembering their earlier years and the hormones that were known to strike without a moments’ notice, smiled, and offered the two frazzled men lunch and tea. Harry was quick to stumble in to the room demanding hugs and kisses. Sirius and Remus accepted the offer of food, of course, and spent the rest of the day with the Weasley family, surrounded by friends and a growing sense of family and acceptance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I spent an embarrassing amount of time converting British Pound Sterling (GPS) to United States Dollars (USD), and then to Galleons.
> 
> £2,005,000,000 is about $2,798,226,120. Therefore, the GPS to Galleon conversion was 401,000,000 and the USD to Galleon conversion was 401,126,237.
> 
> Ignore that £2 billion was worth a different amount in 1982; I tried to figure it all out, but with inflation and stuff, I got a headache and lost like 2 hours researching it. Oh well. If someone is feeling adventurous, give it a go and leave me a comment. :)
> 
> Also, how dare you drop that kind of news on your boyfriend after dating for a week, Sirius Black?! You’re gonna give the poor man a heart attack and then you won’t get laid. SMH.


	9. 15 January 1982

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Have a mini chapter! I'm working on the rest and will have it posted in full by Sunday night. Do ya'll prefer long chapters (8-10k like most of mine have been) or shorter ones (3-5k)? Maybe I'll give it a try next week, and post something on Wednesday and Sunday and see how everyone responds. Thank you for reading!
> 
> P.S.
> 
> This has more than 1700 views! AHHHH, I'm so happy. <3

Godric’s Hollow looked the same.

Sirius could tell that Remus felt the same sense of unease and melancholy that he himself did. Sirius knew that what had happened three months ago didn’t affect the town in the same way that it did them, but he was still surprised by how normal everything seemed. The residents went about their day, shopping and laughing, while the three of them trudged silently along.

Standing in the cemetery, staring at the large white headstone James and Lily were laid beneath, holding their son in his arms, was just as difficult as he had imagined it would be. He was viciously glad that Harry was as young as he was and that he didn’t understand what being here actually meant.

“Dumbledore picked a lovely spot for them,” Remus murmured, and cast a spell that placed the thick blanket they had packed on the ground below them.

“He did.” Sirius responded as he sat down with Harry now perched on his lap.

Remus folded his lanky body next to them, laying his legs straight in front of him and crossing his ankles. The other man braced his arms behind him and raised his head to the sky, watching as fluffy white clouds floated lazily above them. Sirius gazed at the headstone without really seeing it, overwhelmed by grief and memories of that horrible night.

“I could tell when he died.” he whispered, throat clogging with a rapid swell of emotion.

“Sirius…”

“Something in my mind snapped and I got this horrible feeling of impending doom. I knew that he was dead, like a part of me was just _gone_. It was my idea to make Peter the Secret Keeper; everyone knew James and me were close as brothers and I was the obvious choice, so they’d all look to me as soon as James and Lily and Harry disappeared. I thought I was so clever, that I was pulling one over on the Death Eaters by using Peter instead. Soon as that connection was broken, I knew that Peter had betrayed us. So I rushed here on my bike, but I wasn’t fast enough.”

Remus reached out and laid a hand on Sirius’ knee, but the Animagus couldn’t feel anything beyond slight pressure.

“Hagrid was here already; Dumbledore had felt the wards fail after Lily died, and had sent him ahead. He had Harry with him, wrapped in his blanket while he cried. I told him to take my bike and go, and he did.” Sirius held the boy in his arms against him, nuzzling into his messy black hair. “I shouldn’t have gone inside, I know that now. But I had to see them.”

“Oh, darling.”

“I had to, Moony! What if they weren’t really dead? But they were. They looked like they were sleeping though. I’d never seen The Killing Curse’s aftermath, you know? Their bodies were just slumped over, eyes still open. Where was the blood? Dead people bleed, don’t they? But I knew soon as I saw them, Moony. They were well and truly gone, and it was my fault.”

“It wasn’t though, Sirius. Blame Peter, or Voldemort, but please, not yourself. Hell, blame me if you have to.”

“It wasn’t _your_ fault! You weren’t even here!”

“No, I wasn’t. When you all needed me the most, I wasn’t even in the bloody country! I’d been so caught up in those stupid missions, and I was hardly home that year. I thought that I was helping the greater good, really, thought that I was finally being useful. Instead, I was gallivanting all over Romania with a bunch of feral werewolves. I should have refused Dumbledore’s request and stayed here, where my family was. Because that’s what you lot were to me; my family. Ever since we were 11 and so fucking young, but close as brothers, the four of us. Then Lily came and I had a sister, too, and then Harry. I left you all to fend for yourselves against that mad man.”

“Remus…”

“I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to forgive myself for that. I didn’t know they were dead until more than 2 weeks later, and all the while you were raising Harry alone and dealing with all of this shite by yourself.”

“I don’t blame you, Moony.”

“And I don’t blame you, Padfoot. Placing blame won’t help us now, anyway, not really. We’re still alive, and so’s Harry, and that’s more important than anything else.”

“He is, aren’t you, Harry?”

“Harr-ee cold!”

“Of course you are, sprog. How about a fire, eh Mr. Lupin?”

“Coming right up, Mr. Black, Mr. Potter.” Remus assembled a neat little fire pit with stones he dug from under the snow and sticks he summoned from a copse of trees nearby. He waved his wand towards the stacked sticks and without a single word, a small ball of fire landed and set the sticks alight. It was impressive to watch, especially for young Harry, who watched with wide eyes and mouth agape.

When the little fire had a good sized flame, Sirius enlarged a picnic basket he had brought and tapped Harry’s head with an extra warming charm to fight off the chill. It was nearly 10 o’clock which was the perfect time for brunch. Remus helped as he readied 3 plates with mini-quiches, blueberry muffins, and sausage links. A carafe of freshly squeezed orange juice came out of the basket last, which he divided into 3 travel mugs, one obviously for Harry as it was bright red and a third of the size of the other two.

Sirius reached into the pocket of his coat and removed a small package of Pepper Imps and one tightly wrapped Sugar Quill that he had spelled the night before to never spoil and placed them on the small ledge provided for flowers and such in front of the headstone. They had been favorites of James and Lily, respectively. Next, he removed a folded sheet of thick construction paper Harry had doodled on, and that Sirius had made water-proof just this morning, opened the page and waved his wand over the top to flatten out the creases, and then used a minor sticking charm to adhere it below the words carved into the stone. The headstone read in block letters:

_In Loving Memory of_

_James Potter Lily Potter_

_Born Born_

_27 March 1960 30 January 1960_

_Died Died_

_31 October 1981 31 October 1981_

_The Last Enemy That Shall Be Destroyed Is Death._

“I don’t think I would have chosen _that_ as the inscription.” Remus remarked sourly as he took a large sip of juice, his brows furrowed in distaste.

“No, I wouldn’t have either. I asked Dumbledore to take care of everything, seeing as I was in Ministry holding and then my trial, which took nearly two weeks before I was declared innocent, and I couldn’t stomach the thought of their bodies lying somewhere, rotting away. I’m sure he thought it was clever or something though.”

“At least they were laid to rest together. I would have been quite cross had he arranged for them to be separated. I know that they’re gone, but some small part of me is hoping that wherever they are, they’re together and free.” Remus handed Harry pieces of muffin he had broken into bite-sized morsels and then worked on dividing the sausages and quiches into small pieces.

“Do you think we can change the inscription?”

“I don’t see why not. Have you got a receipt or anything from the funeral home? I would change it now, only I don’t want it to be considered vandalism and removed the next time the groundskeeper comes by to tidy up.”

“I’ll have to ask Albus. I’m not really looking forward to having to do it, honestly.”

“Are you as frustrated at him as I am? It seems like he’s gotten more… manipulative as of late. Since graduation, certainly, but maybe longer than that.”

“Yes, I am. I know that I can’t place all of the blame on him, but the war… It was mostly fought by children, wasn’t it? He took advantage of so many of us, and because of that, a lot of us have died. Marlene, Dorcas, Fabian and Gideon, Edgar Bones and his family, Dougal McGregor and _his_ family, Benjy Flitwick, James and Lily, and… Regulus. So many of them were our age, and had so much left to offer and live for. They ended dying while fighting a mad man, and Reg… fuck, I know he was a Death Eater and all, but he was still my brother, Remus. I’m allowed to mourn him, aren’t I? Even if he was the enemy?”

“Darling, you can mourn whomever you need to. I’m sure all the young adults taken in by Voldemort were once innocents too. I didn’t know your brother very well, but he was always top of his classes and kind to the younger students. I saw him stand up to a horde of older Slytherins when he was in 5th year, defending a few Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws on the chess team. He was related to you, love, so I can’t believe that he was all bad.”

“We used to be thick as thieves before I left for Hogwarts. We would write stupid notes and draw ridiculous pictures of Mum and Father yelling. We made up this little charm that turned words and the like illegible when we were young, so nobody could read the notes and that’s where I got the idea for the masking spell for the Map. The Map has more complicated spells in it, of course, but it originated from that juvenile charm. Mother and Father were always practicing magicks, so it was easy enough for us to dabble undetected from the Ministry. When I wrote him that I had been sorted into Gryffindor and that he might be able to join me there the next year, Mother got so angry that she refused letters from me altogether. It was like a chasm had opened between us, and I never could quite figure out how to cross it.”

“I’m sorry, Sirius.”

“Yeah, well, no use whinging over it now. He’s been gone since the summer of ‘79. He’s long gone.”

Remus set his travel mug between his crossed legs and picked up Sirius’ frozen hand, wrapping both of his warmer hands around it. He urged Sirius to make eye contact, his whisky eyes meeting stone grey.

“You’re allowed to miss him. You can remember him how he was as a child, instead of the stranger he died as. There’s nothing wrong with wanting to keep his memory with you.”

“Thanks, Moony. Being here… it’s made me all melancholy. I think I’m gonna go for a walk.”

“Alright. Harry and I will finish eating and then we’ll entertain ourselves until you get back. Be safe.”

“I’ll try not to be gone for too long. It’s colder out here than I expected, and I don’t want Harry to catch cold. You be good for Moony, alright sprog?” Sirius rubbed the top of Harry’s head, sending his riotous curls in all directions. The little boy looked up at his standing figure and grinned, all gap-teeth and half chewed food.

“‘K, Pads!”

Sirius blew a kiss to Remus, who arched a brow but blushed just the same, and began to walk out of the orderly cemetery. He came upon the main street after a few short minutes, and began to wander aimlessly. The next thing he knew, he was stood in front the Potter Cottage. By the way none of the residents reacted to the destroyed home, he had to assume that it was placed under a concealing charm, and wasn’t visible to Muggles. It looked the as it had nearly 3 months ago; half of the top floor was blown apart, all of the panes in the windows were shattered, and the front door was blown off it’s hinges and rested crookedly in the rose bushes by the front patio.

Sirius expected for fury to course through him, but the only emotions he felt were hopelessness and grief. He stepped through the front entry and into the small hall that separated the living room and the staircase and turned to the former room. The couch had scorch marks on it and the other furniture was in a state of disarray, cushions strewn on the floor and pictures knocked off of the mantle over the modest fireplace. Sirius bent down to collect the pictures, most of them with the small family smiling broadly and waving at him as he stood in the wreckage of their home. He turned to the curio and collected the pictures there too, as well as any knickknacks he he could see throughout the room. They were all carefully shrunk and placed in his pockets for safekeeping.

He ignored the dining room and went directly towards the staircase, the steps creaking loudly under his boot-clad feet. The master bedroom lay at one side of the top floor, a little before the ruined remains of Harry’s room. He went into James and Lily’s room first, sweeping his hand over their velvet duvet cover to remove dust. He settled at the foot of the bed and backwards, staring at the ceiling with tear-filled eyes. He cried then, great gasping sobs that tore loudly from his throat; wordless screams of frustration and regret; small shuddering whimpers of shame and heartbreak.

By the time he felt empty and had no tears left, the sun arched through the broken window and stabbed him in the eyes, so he sat up and slumped where he was. He caught a glimmer of gold across the room, on Lily’s writing desk. Full of curiosity, he got up and walked over, moving random newspaper clippings and ink pens aside until he found a leather-bound journal with a delicate gold clasp holding it closed.

“Could this really be…?”

He brushed his thumb over the clasp, which sprung open at his touch, the pages spread open in his hands. All at once, he remembered the months of research he, James and Lily had engaged in from the time they went into hiding when Harry was but a small babe in his mother’s womb. They had been looking for a way to cloak themselves from Voldemort and his followers, but hadn’t wanted to use such spells as the Fidelius Charm, concealment charms, or Disillusionment charms. They had been searching for something different, something old and ancient maybe, that would protect them but also allow them to live semi-normal lives. They hadn’t found anything in time, though, and when Dumbledore had recommended the Fidelius Charm a week before Halloween, they had put their various notes aside and accepted his recommendation.

He flipped through the journal, the sight of Lily’s elegant handwriting mixed with James’ nearly illegible scrawl filling his chest with bittersweet memories. Maybe now, in this time of murky peace, he could take their research and finish what they had started. Remus hadn’t been around, seeing as he spent most of last year recruiting other ‘weres, but maybe now he would want to work with Sirius. He shrunk the journal as well as other things he found around the room, like an old shawl that had belonged to Lily’s grandmother, James’ leather coat that matched the one hanging in Sirius’ closet back at Grimmauld Place, and multiple pictures of the Potter family along with a handful of candid snapshots of James and Lily.

He couldn’t stomach the thought of going into Harry’s old room, not feeling as raw and emotionally worn out as he did, so he traipsed carefully down the staircase and exited the house. Sirius didn’t look behind him as he met the pavement at the other side of their fenced front garden, too drained to deal with the sight twice in one day. He walked back to the cemetery and when he saw Remus and Harry knelt at in front of the headstone of his best friend and his wife, he rushed to them and wrapped them both in his arms, dropping kisses on both of their cheeks.

Shortly after his return, they packed up their impromptu picnic and apparated back to London, landing in a small, disillusioned courtyard behind a well known pub on 30 Bruton Place, Mayfair.

To Muggles, The Guinea Pub was nothing more than what it seemed; a bar and restaurant that dated back to 1720 where locals and tourists alike could gather for drinks and fried food. If one was a Wizard, they only had to enter through the back door and tap their wand against 4 stones in a certain pattern set by the staircase that led to private rooms upstairs, much like the way one would enter Diagon Alley. After walking through the hidden entryway, you came into a smoky room with a wide and darkly polished bar, high tables and stools, and leather booths that seated up to 70 Magical Folk. Along the far wall was a fireplace that stood 7 feet tall and just as wide, which could be used to Floo to anywhere in the country.

Sirius, Remus and Harry walked into the dimly lit room and waved at the barkeep, Fraiser, before walking to the Floo and grabbing a handful of powder to return to Grimmauld Place. Once they stumbled into the first floor sitting room, Harry wandered to his toy box and sat at once, engaging his stuffed giraffe and polar bear in a rousing and lively game of trains.

Remus removed his coat and laid it over the back of the sofa, Sirius emptying his pockets of the items he had acquired at the Potter Cottage and laying his own coat over the top of Remus’.

“Come and sit with me, Remus.” Sirius requested, his lover settling next to him, their thighs touching and his arm curled around Sirius’ waist.

“What is all of that? Are those pictures?”

“Erm, yes. I might have wandered to James’ house?”

“Are you asking or tell me, love?”

“Telling you. Only don’t be mad, because I swear that it wasn’t my intention to go there alone! I was walking and the next thing I knew, I was on the pavement before their cottage and I was walking inside.”

“I wish that you had waited for me to go with you, but you’re still in one piece, so at least you didn’t get injured.”

“It was a right mess, but I was careful. I found some photos and things in the living room, and then I went to James and Lily’s room. I had a good cry and then the sun sparkled on Lily’s desk across the room and I found this.” He handed Remus the journal, the clasp still open from his perusal earlier.

Remus held the book in one hand as if it were spun glass, removing his arm from Sirius and using both hands to cradle the journal. He rifled through the pages, pausing occasionally to trace a word or sentence written by Lily or James with his thumb, at last landing at the end of the notes left inside. They were a bit disorganized, but one phrase stood out from the rest, underlined and bold as it was:

_POCKET DIMENSION?_

“What is all of this?” Remus asked him, his eyes bouncing back and forth on the pages spread before him.

“We were trying to find a way to hide them all that would let them be safe and secure, but still able to see people. They were so secluded, you know, near the end, that it was getting harder for all of them to keep their spirits up. Harry had never played with other children, and James and Lily were getting rather lonely. We had hoped to discover some old spell or enchantments that acted like the Fidelius Charm but without the whole ‘soul of one person holding the information’ thing. We had some ideas, but then everything fell to shite and we had to give up.”

“This is remarkable, Sirius! I can see Lily’s influence here, and yours and James’. I bet that you three would have found something, had there been more time. What does ‘pocket dimension’ mean?”

“Oh, just an idea that Lily had. She wanted to create a space that was out of time, like an alternate reality or something, wherein people could live but still access whenever they wanted. She wrote these notes, here, and was looking more at the history of various spells and charms that are behind those similar to the Undetectable Extension Charm and the Room of Requirement.”

“Yes, I can see how those would work… Sirius, can I keep this for a bit? I’d like to read through it and make notes of my own, on scratch paper, of course, and then afterwards we could look at it together?”

“I was hoping that you’d want to read it. I think that between your brains and our notes there, we could maybe finish what James and Lily started. If we’re lucky, we can get out of this horrid place and never have to come back! Take a few weeks, maybe, and we can look at it in February after we’ve both read it.”

“That would be great. Oh, this feels like when we started making the Map, doesn’t it? Godric, I wonder what happened to it. Was a shame it got lost.”

“Hopefully some other rascals found it and are using it to sneak about Hogwarts. That’s the best scenario, anyway. I’m really hoping no one thought it belonged with the rubbish and threw it away. I’m going to find Kreacher and see if he’s got anything planned for lunch.”

“Yes, yes, alright.” Remus was already leafing back to the beginning, reading the notes under his breath, his nose crinkling with concentration.

“I love you.” Sirius told him fondly, watching as his lover nodded his head and mumbled something inane in his direction.

Sirius smiled and went in search of the cantankerous house elf, hoping to catch Kreacher in time to request he make chocolate cake for desert.


	10. 15 January-02 February 1982

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is very much plot heavy, but I've planned this out since the beginning, so bare with me as we plod through this. The next chapter should have more seggs. ;)
> 
> This has over 2000 views and nearly 100 kudos. Thank you! We are also about half-way through this story, and the chapter count has gone up from 17 to 20. 
> 
> Enjoy! <3

By Monday afternoon, Meredith had come and gone for her second home visit; Harry was a little less shy and had shown her his favorite toys in the sitting room, and had even babbled to her about his ever-growing collection of wooden trains. She had also mentioned that Harry was meeting his developmental milestones with ease, and that he was one of the more verbose 18-month-old children she’d ever spoken to. Sirius liked to think it was because of how James and Lily, and now himself and Remus, refused to talk to the boy in the simple, high-pitched way others did with little children, and how Harry had spent more of his life so far around more adults than children. The visit went well, she had told them, and the next appointment was set for 15 February.

It was just past dinner now, the three of them ensconced in the sitting room on the sofa, Harry resting between them while a kid’s movie played on the telly. They didn’t usually watch shows this late in the day, but the day had been eventful, what with Meredith coming over and their normal routine was adjusted for that, and they could all use the mind-numbing sensation of television to wind down. Remus had his arm on the back of the sofa, his fingers tips trailed through the hair on Sirius’ nape making him shiver pleasantly.

Remus met his raised brows with a smirk, his amber brown eyes crinkled at the corners with mischief. Sirius mouthed ‘not fair’ over Harry’s tousled head, and received an obnoxious eyebrow wiggle that made him blush and duck his head, a small smile stretching his lips.

When the animated movie was over, Sirius carried Harry up to the 4th floor bath and began preparing for the boys’ nightly soak. Harry was sleepy and allowed Remus to get him undressed without a struggle, and when he was at in the water he patted ineffectually at the bubbles with sleep-heavy eyes. Sirius washed and conditioned Harry’s hair, and then scrubbed his body before rinsing and removing him from the tub, where Remus waited with a warm towel. All three of them brushed their teeth, Remus offering to take Harry to get dressed while Sirius used the facilities, the men trading when Sirius entered his room a little while later.

Sirius loved that they had a routine now, the three of them, and that it flowed so easily. Harry had lived with him for 2 months, and while there were rough days, those were few and far between. When Remus returned from the loo, Harry was fast asleep in his crib, drooling on his sheet. Remus leaned over to lay a soft kiss on the boy’s head and then joined Sirius in his full sized bed across the room. Sirius held his arms wide open and pulled the other man to his chest when he climbed under the covers, Remus resting his head on Sirius’ left pectoral with his ear pressed over his heart.

“I’m glad that Harry seems to be doing well,” Remus murmured.

“So am I. He’s warmed up to Meredith a bit, too.”

“He was so cute today, showing her around. It made my heart melt a bit.”

“She was impressed with how less shy he was this time around. Say, have you finished looking over those notes?”

“Almost. You all found so many interesting things, and tomorrow I should have everything ready on my end to show you. I think I solved one of the main issues that was initially faced.”

“Did you really? That’s fantastic! It’s been so long since I read them last that my memory is a bit hazy, so I’ll give them a quick look through before you tell me what you found. I hope that we can make this work; from what we researched, it might even be stronger than the Fidelius Charm, or equivalent. I knew that your enormous brain would bring this full circle.”

“You’re a flatterer, darling, and I appreciate the sentiment. I should be done after breakfast, and then we can sit down and look it all over together while Harry watches Sesame Street.”

“You’ve got a deal, my brilliant werewolf. I love you.”

“I love you, too. Goodnight, love.”

Remus lifted his head and tilted his chin enough to share three quick pecks between their lips, Sirius allowing a small nibble to Remus’ bottom lip as he drew away. Remus swatted in his general direction before laying back on Sirius’ chest and drawing one hand under his chin while the other rested over Sirius’ belly. They fell asleep that way, safe in each others’ embrace.

****************************

“You really have solved it, Moony! Who would have guessed that something as simple as this would make everything fall into place so nicely?”

“I feel like it was dumb luck, honestly. If I hadn’t found that deed from Scotland, we would be in the same predicament as before. We’re just lucky that it came from my Mum’s family; everyone as far back as she could remember was Muggle, so this all feels a bit like serendipity.”

“Let’s look through these one last time, but I think we figured it out!”

“It certainly looks like it. I’ll read aloud and you jump in if I’ve forgotten something.”

Remus handed Sirius the journal from the Potter Cottage and then laid out his own handwritten notes and began to read:

_In Tutem_ (Safe Haven) Spell

  * This is essentially a ‘blank space’ [Pocket Dimension! Will call it PD for shorthand] in our dimension that is removed yet still accessible, and can be personalized to user specifications. The entirety of the spell makes a ‘copy’ of a chosen environment and will mimic the physical properties along with weather patterns and sound waves. This spell is very complex, and requires many components acquired or completed within a set amount of time and within a predetermined acreage. One can capture a larger plot of land for the ‘copy’, but any amount past 20 acres becomes unstable and difficult to retain.
  * The final casting of _In Tutem_ will temporarily bind a predetermined artifact to a physical space, be it certain surroundings or a structure. Before this can be completed, multiple other measures must be taken.



Requirements are as follows:

  * 3 persons (A, B, and C) that will cast the myriad of spells, 2 of whom must share a depth of emotions similar to/or romantic love (friendship will suffice, but the spell will be stronger with romantic love), and a third who shares a bond through blood or circumstance (again, blood will be stronger, but a bond forged by time wherein both parties feel a familial love will suffice). [Myself, Sirius and ___]
  * Item(s) that symbolize love, protection and/or sacrifice to act as the artifact that the PD is bound to and which can then be set and removed from location to location with precise incantations and the will of the creators. There should not be more than 2, as the spell has a higher chance of instability. [James and Lily’s wedding rings?] This will be taken to a hilltop or mountain for use in the final part of the spell.
  * A plot of land where no one in the bloodline has performed magicks, including the current owner. [Lily discovered that such a place would be more likely to absorb magical energies and would then be perfect for the spells. Use my land near Glen Tanar? Does transforming into a werewolf count as magic?]
  * A vast knowledge of Potions and Herbology to assist with the various ingredients and the following potion: The Location Binder Potion [which was invented by Lily], which is required if the castors/creators wish to include any man-made structures in the ‘copy’ (PD) of the chosen land/acreage. The PD will only take natural resources, such as trees, rivers or lakes, rocks and small hills when the ‘copy’ made, so structures such as homes must use the aforementioned potion. The potion will be drawn in various runes around the perimeter of any structure, which will then be recognized as ‘natural elements’ by the spell and will be included in the PD. The Location Binder Potion needs 21 days to brew and the following ingredients:


  1. Ash collected from a tree struck by lightning [ask Andromeda?]
  2. Fresh water obtained from a nearby source within 325 kilometers [Glen Tanar is only 98 km from Loch Ness!]
  3. Fluids collected on the first day of brewing during a reciprocal sexual act [preferably of shared love and commitment to be stronger]
  4. Fruits or berries native to the land chosen that have been preserved according to Muggle practices



There will also be many different spells and charms cast during creation, some familiar with variations [made by Lily, Sirius and James], and some invented during the course of research and study. They are listed below:

  * _Legilimens_ [i] (cast by one knowledgeable in the arte of Legilimency)
  * _Ne Memoria_ [ii] (a variation of the memory removal spell used for pensieve viewing)
  * _Implebimus Impendo_ [iii] (a spell to ‘expand and fill’ a set area, created by James)
  * _Exemplum et Loco Ligare_ [iv] (a spell invented by James and Sirius, loosely translated to ‘copy this location and bind it in place’) which is repeated **3** times
  * _Aeris Sonitus Speculo_ [v] (The Atmosphere Charm with variations made by Lily to allow for sound and weather pattern mimicry)
  * _Duo in Carne Una_ [vi] _(_ also a spell invented by J&S ‘two become one’ incantation that is supposed to bind the PD to the item(s) which will then become an artifact)
  * _In Tutum_ [vii] (name of entire PD spell and the activation of the doorway to the PD after it is bound to an item and subsequently made into an artifact)
  * _Eliciunt Tutum_ [viii] (a spell roughly translated to ‘extract safe haven’, invented by S/J/L to removed the artifact and bring it to a new location)
  * _Deditionem Portu_ [ix] (another spell roughly translated to ‘surrender safe haven’, invented by S/J/L, where another person will gain ownership and be recognized as a creator as decided by one of the 3 original creators/casters)



Spells [iii], [iv], and [vi] need to be cast simultaneously, so practice of the wand motions and precise timing are heavily recommended. The variation of the Atmosphere Charm [v] will be cast on the third repetition of the 4th [iv] spell.

Finally, the steps for completion of the PD and artifact are as follows:

  1. Choose the size of land to be ‘copied’ to the PD. Person A will then proceed to memorize the area however they see fit, and will have a minimum of 3 months to do so. They must be able to later conjure a memory of the exact area for extraction via Legilimency.
  2. The Location Binder Potion must be brewed and then drawn in various runes (which ones? not listed. maybe protection, binding, etc?) around the perimeters of any man-made structures prior to final casting to be included in the PD.
  3. Persons A, B and C will then stake out and find a hillside or mountain to climb that allows them an unencumbered view of the entire area chosen for the ‘copy’ into the PD. [search for some hills near Glen Tanar] **THEY MUST BRING THE ITEM THAT WILL BECOME THE ARTIFACT WITH THEM!!!**
  4. Person A will then focus on the specific memory of the mapped-out acreage and naught else.
  5. Person B will cast _Legilimens_ [i] and will proceed to ‘read’ the memory from Person A and remove it via _Ne Memoria_ [ii], where they will then hold the memory in place at the end of their wand.
  6. Person A will then connect their own wand to the hanging end of the memory, which will be suspended between them both and held carefully in place. If dropped, the process will have to be repeated.
  7. Persons A and B will take the memory and cast _Implebimus Impendo_ [iii] to expand and encompass the area chosen to be ‘copied’.
  8. Persons A and B will then both cast _Exemplum et Loco Ligare_ [iv] with a circular, counter-clock wise wand motion that is repeated three times in succession.
  9. When Persons A and B are on the third repetition of the spell listed in #8, Person C will simultaneously cast _Aeris Sonitus Speculo_ [v].
  10. Persons A, B and C will then hold and contain the physical manifestation of the PD (form unknown as it has yet to be attempted), which now holds 5 acres of land (a forest!), and any man-made structures prepared with the use of the Location Binder Potion, plus the sounds of the environment captured. (There is an additional note that the variation used on the Atmosphere Charm will allow the PD to mimic the weather patterns of wherever the artifact is placed to avoid dysphoria between ‘reality’ and the PD. Kudos, Lils!)
  11. The PD will then be directed to the item(s) chosen to become the artifact, where the PD manifestation will then bond and transform the item(s) to the artifact [that can be placed and removed at a location of the creators’ choosing] with the final spell, _Duo in Carne Una_ [vi], also said simultaneously by Persons A, B and C. (Exactly what the ‘bind’ of PD to artifact looks like is also unknown)



When a place is chosen to house the PD (either a certain area or a structure), one of the main casters must lay the artifact on the ground and say the incantation to activate the entrance from ‘reality’ to the PD. The incantation is _In Tutum_ [vii], and once spoken aloud, a supposed ‘doorway’ will appear as a shining outline in the air and will mark the entrance, and will then disappear once more, seemingly vanishing or melting/merging into the environment or structure, and will reopen when a set pass code or phrase is said aloud. The code or phrase is determined by the casters and can be customized however they decide.

To remove the artifact, such as when the casters require a new environment for habitation (London to Scotland, etc.), the incantation is _Eliciunt Tutum_ [viii].

If one of the casters would like to pass ownership of the PD artifact to another (If we wanted to give it to Harry when he is an adult?) the incantation would be _Deditionem Portu_ [ix].

[There is also a list of places suitable for containment of the artifact, but nothing concrete. Sirius and I can find a place and create protections and enhancements whenever we choose it at a later date.]

“That’s what I have so far. Does that sound at all accurate?”

“Moony, you are amazing and I love you! This is it! We couldn’t figure out how to make all of these different things cohesive, even though we spent over a year researching it all. So much was tied to finding ‘family land where no magicks have been cast’, and then you come along with your place in Scotland and it all falls into place. I’m only sorry that we couldn’t figure this out in time.”

“I’m sure that wherever they are, they would be proud of you, Sirius. Maybe of us, even. We can do this for Harry, and this can be another way that they protect him. I think we can make all of this happen by the end of the year, if not sooner.”

“Yes, I think so too. They would love this! Now that we have a plan we can follow, we can take out time and gather whatever else we need. Hopefully, we can get out of this mausoleum.”

“Agreed!”

********************

February brought the first hints of Spring; sunshine, blue skies and rain showers. Remus was excited for another reason, though, and was searching for Sirius to gift him with something he had been working on since early January. He had spent the last four weeks subtly quizzing Sirius on his preferences for a new home, things such as number of bedrooms, standing shower vs soaking tub, open concept, etc., and had finally finished a floor plan for what he hoped would become their new home. He could easily see them building this in Scotland on his land near Glen Tanar, and then implementing it with the _In Tutum_ spells.

One of his distant Muggle aunts, Jasmine, was an architect, and she had taught him how to draw as a child. He had been the main artist for the Marauder’s Map, which was a feat that he was still ridiculously proud of.

He entered the kitchen and found Sirius, Harry and Kreacher inside, the former two sitting at the table with a plate of biscuits and glasses of milk, while the elf stood at the stove preparing lunch. Remus called a greeting to him that was ignored, as expected, and then joined the other two at the table. He slid a thick envelope to the side of Sirius’ glass and smiled nervously when he caught his eye.

“I made these for you. It’s just a rough draft, and can be changed at any time, but I felt like you would feel better if you could actually envision this. Open it, please.”

“This seems shady. Are you trying to prank me, love? I’ll have you know that I am a master-” Sirius stopped talking and stared at the parchment in his hands, his mouth dropped open in a moue of surprise.

“It’s our house. I mean, it could be? As I said, we can change anything you don’t like.”

“This is why you’ve been asking me those random questions about houses, isn’t it?”

“Yes. Do… do you like it?”

Sirius finally raised his head, a broad smile stretching his lips to capacity and crinkling his eyes at the corners.

“Like it? Remus, I love it! This is… this is perfect. It’s like you looked inside my head and picked this out!”

“I’m so relieved! I’ve been working on it for the past month, since Andromeda and Tonks came by. I wanted to create something for all of us to live in.” When Remus said ‘all of us’, he tilted his head towards Kreacher, and Sirius gave him a sappy smile in return.

“What’s this shed thing by the garage down here?”

“Oh! After I read through the journal, I figured that it would be nice to have a shed to exit and enter the Pocket Dimension from. The double-doors go to the house, and then the single door inside will be connected to wherever we want to have the artifact housed. It might be best to choose something mundane if we want to stay in London.”

“You’ve thought of everything, my dear Moonpie!”

“Yes, well…”

“You are so cute when you blush! Isn’t he cute, Harry?”

Harry stuffed another biscuit in his mouth and said, “No.” while crumbs spewed out. Sirius laughed and then stood up, the floor plans back in their envelope and held in one hand.

“I’m going to make some calls, and see if we can get started building this straight away. I looked up Glen Tanar, in Scotland, and found a town close by. It’s named Aberdeen, and is a decent size with pubs, tons of shops and a couple grocers. I’ll see if I can find a contractor willing to work with us.”

“Are you sure? You don’t want to change anything?”

“I love it the way you made it, Remus. I’ll be in the sitting room making Floo calls if you need me. Ta, darlings.”

Remus watched bemusedly as Sirius flounced up the stairs, a jaunty bounce to his step. Kreacher continued to ignore him, though he did bring Harry a plate of sandwiches cut in half and apple slices.

“Thank you!” Harry chirped, to which Kreacher responded with a small nod and then returned to the stove.

Remus snagged half of a sandwich and added it to his plate of biscuits.

When they had finished eating, Remus wiped Harry clean with a wet flannel, and then set the boy on his hip. They climbed to the ground floor and then bypassed it for the first floor, heading into the sitting room where Sirius sat cross legged in front of the fire, his Floo call ending once Harry ran to him. Sirius scooped the toddler in his arms and deposited him in his lap, Harry giggling madly and kicking his legs as he was tickled.

“All done, then?” Remus asked as he, too, joined them on the rug.

“Yes! I found someone near Aberdeen who can start the construction this week, and they’ll do it for a decent price. They told me it will take 3-5 months before it’s finished, but they’re gonna add charms and the like so the house will generate electricity and things. They can dig a well for water, and add sewage pipes and all of those annoying bits. I figured we can go when it’s built and start collecting the ingredients for the Location Binder Potion and we can start mapping out how much space we want to copy to the Pocket Dimension.”

“That all sounds wonderful. We can hopefully have everything settled by Christmas, maybe.” Remus was certain that there would be enough time in the next 9 months or so for them to find a third person to assist them with the In Tutum spell, and to meet the other requirements they had laid out 2 weeks prior.

“I can’t wait.” Sirius bent in half at his waist to blow raspberries on Harry’s tummy, and then proceeded to make munching noises. Harry squealed and tried to retaliate, but Sirius was faster and instead tipped Harry into Remus’ lap before escaping to the sofa.

“Neither can I, love. Neither can I.”

******************************

AN: I tried my best to make these plans available for viewing, but my exports are super illegible and not worth looking at. I'm gonna try a couple different things this week and see if I can get better resolutions for them, but I have been working on those for the last month as well. This is an actual house in North Carolina, and these are the official floor plans. I had to call the realtor in NC and ask to speak with the agent for the house, and then we exchanged e-mails. I hate talking to people on the phone, but I fell in love with this house and wanted to use it. It costs $2.5 million though, so that's never gonna happen. Imagine that the furniture that the boys will have is different, okay?

Here is a link to do a virtual tour: [1317 Briar Patch Lane, Raleigh, NC 27615](https://fusion.realtourvision.com/772563)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My husband came up with the idea for the Pocket Dimension, and when I was whining about how much I hated Grimmauld Place and wanted them to move away but stay in London, he told me about it. 
> 
> We then have spent the last month brainstorming what we wanted to include in the set up of the spell, and I have spent countless hours researching spells and charms from canon, and then I made up the rest on my own. 
> 
> I am absurdly proud of this, and what it will mean for Harry, Sirius and Remus. Please let me know if I messed up any translations from English to Latin, as I only had google translate available and I tried my best. 
> 
> I love you all!
> 
> -Mistress


End file.
